Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Tbh, I think I'd be focussing more on what might be wrong with him than worrying about who cleaned up. He's probably pretty worried himself and wasn't really thinking straight.

I wonder if he’s made an appointment with his GP?

''Looking after the kids' which she said are self sufficient. He could have put a load of washing on (what with being the one who actually wet them and isn't the one who's working }and then then took the kids out. Or said I put some washing in are you okay to put the next load in? instead of just fucking off out and assuming that she would clean up his mess.

Great excuse!! Love it...
I'm incontinent and often clean up after myself.

I really must try your excuse....

I want the name and make of the mattress topper that contained a full bladder without leaking through to the mattress. Otherwise I'm calling this thread the results of a fertile imagination.

I’m surprised so many people seem to be on the side of DH.
If my husband had wet the bed I would also be upset if he just left me to clear it up without even checking I was ok to do so or offering to take care of it himself.
I get where you are coming from @WFHbore2023.

The word here is Weaponised incompetence - suggest a few posters look up what that means.

Then, that’s what you need to put to him. Why the everyday sexism?

Why treat you like a mother and himself a child, when you’re his partner and he’s an adult? Why not take responsibility himself? Why not have respect for you when you’re at work?

He was off work FFS. He could’ve done a couple of loads, at least.

My ex left ‘delegated by neglect’ a lot of housework to me. But even he would’ve washed sheets he’d covered in piss.

He’ll probably tell you he was going to sleep in the spare room, the unmade bed or a sleeping bag tonight and he’d have done it tomorrow. He didn’t expect you to do it.

If so, say, “OK, I’ll leave it to you if it happens again. And do so. Though I hope it won’t happen again.

This thread is so interesting.....
You can actually very clearly see the handmaidens who mother their partners.

What’s that you say, weaponised incontinence?

🤭🤭🤭

Hang on.. why all the sympathy for him being embarrassed?
Why isnt he just as embarrassed to leave someone else the job of cleaning his pissy bedding?
He doesn't see that as his job does he?

it went through a (thin) duvet, sheet, topper and then stopped when it met the waterproof protector.

So I am well aware that everyone’s marriages are different but I would genuinely WANT to help my husband with this. I’d encourage him to go out and keep the kids busy whilst I did the washing. I would want to make him feel better not worse. But that’s just me and I’m married to a good guy.

It's funny because I would consider my DH to be the "proper adult" in our relationship while I bumble around making mistakes and being disorganised yet in this situation I would happily do the washing because I'd want to look after him and ease his embarrassment. But me being a handmaiden is certainly not the dynamic in our relationship.

Well OP, if he’s been so allegedly insouciant about this, wandering off on his walk, leaving you to clean up his mess is it because you’ve allowed yourself to be a bit of a martyr and it’s biting you in the bum? It would explain the rage…

Cross posted and agree with you.

Ha, yes I saw your post after I posted, but you said exactly what I was thinking.

He's not a good guy if he would go out and leave you with his wet bedding, without checking you're ok with that?

Make him wear diapers until he's been to the doctor. That might motivate him to make an appointment. And no, not as retaliation, but so he doesn't piss the bed and leave you to sort it out again.

If he had stayed in, to sort out the bedding, and you were working, the kids would have seen him dealing with it, and he would be embarrassed at his children knowing he had wet the bed. It must be very worrying, for that to suddenly happen, with no alcohol involved

If he’d said ‘hey, do you mind dealing with the washing whilst I’m out with the kids ‘ I’d feel like a valued person and this thread wouldn’t exist.

Is that really necessary? Simply telling the guy he has to do the sheets if there’s another occurrence is enough surely.

Ah it's waterproof I need one of those. Where did you get it from if you don't mind me asking

My husband is a good guy. He wouldn’t have to check with me first. I would offer first. His turn to help me on a bad day would come around at some point.

Often these type of posts are more to do with something else than the triggering event…