Page 14 | Partner has wet the bed…

WFHbore2023 · 2025-05-30T13:31:47+00:00

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor. woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower. I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding. AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Megifer · 30/05/2025 18:50

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 18:49

I missed that memo too. We at least we all know now 🥳

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🙌 can't wait for the next time I skid mark the toilet!

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 18:51

C152 · 30/05/2025 17:12

Yes :-) There's a gap in the market in your area if you're after a side hustle!

But seriously - £60 at the laundromat?! My duvets don't fit in my washing machine so I have to take them to the laundromat to wash. Getting a service wash was under £20 last time (cheaper if I do it myself).

I didn't actually know about the home collect/drop washing service until a friend said she did it every time the family went on holiday, as she couldn't face about 5 loads of laundry after a long trip. It was a revelation!

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Far too much of a logistics nightmare for me thanks !! 🤣🤣

yes, it would be 3-4 loads so I'd say £60 minimum for service wash/dry.

thankfully mines only a double. I use the machine myself then take it home wet & put it on the line. Be interesting to see how much that costs this summer.

user1476613140 · 30/05/2025 18:52

My first reaction would be " that you just pished the bed then?"

But would help with the clear up.

grumpygrape · 30/05/2025 18:53

dementedmummy · 30/05/2025 18:26

I think that the OP is getting a bit of unfair stick. Doesn't sound to me like she is angry about the bed wetting. Also sounds like she is concerned enough to know DH is Stone cold sober and adult males don't usually wet the bed unless there is something going on and is chiving him along to the doctor. What I think she is concerned about is the fact the incident happened and her DH has went on his merry way taking the kids out so OP can work (well done DH) but without dealing with the aftermath of the incident - namely do sheets, duvet etc need binned or washed and dried with the over arching assumption that OP will both make the decision and deal with it? Would have taken 2 seconds to go OP will I bin these or do you think I can salvage them if I stick them in the wash? Or, I was going to take the kids out, if I stick these in the wash, can you hang them out? From my reading of this, it's not the actual need to wash and dry that's the issue, it's the expectation that OP will get her crystal ball out and deal with it while she is working while he is out with the kids (an activity I'm sure the op would rather be doing than a teams call and trying to get washing dried!) when he is a grown man that must surely understand that fresh bedding is needed to be able to sleep tonight and if he doesn't do it, communication on who should would be good!

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At last, someone with reading comprehension.

All OP wanted was for him to ask if she would please manage the laundry from his accident if he took the children out. Instead, she felt he just expected her to Mummy him.

She is concerned about his health and has encouraged him to contact the Doctor. Are posters expecting her to do this as well ?

I’d have bundled everything into bin bags and told him to get to the laundrette or Wash.ME and juggle that with entertaining the children. Bring it all back dried and make the bed again.

In fact that's what my husband would have done without being asked.

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 18:55

latetothefisting · 30/05/2025 18:32

exactly, I've got no idea why so many handmaidens posters are so desperate to defend a complete stranger, to the point they're scrabbling around for the weakest excuses 'He would have disappointed the kids if he'd cancelled or just slightly delayed a trip that they didn't even know was going to happen.' 🙄

Since when is 'being embarrassed' an excuse to not do something?

Let alone the complete logic failure 'WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH A BIG FUSS IT'SONLYSHOVINGSOMESHEETSINTHEMACHINE IT'S NOT HARD"
Yeah so it wouldn't have been hard for him to clean up after himself, then, would it?

Who do they think should have cleaned the sheets if he lived alone?

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It's not being a handmaiden FFS

i wouldn't want to stop him & the kids having a day out at the beach, just to stay home to do some laundry I could easily do whilst stuck at home working abreast.

it's just such a non issue.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2025 18:56

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:53

I would feel like I should probably clean my soiled laundry.

jesus - it’s not the bed wetting I’m bothered about.
it’s the playing mum to a grown man who should at least check that someone else is happy to handle the cleaning side of things.

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S as he said "I'm off now" why not say "what about the bedding? It all needs washing and drying before bed tonight and I'm working". Use your words.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/05/2025 18:56

ticktickticktickBOOM · 30/05/2025 18:36

There's nothing nasty about what I said. I'm saying count your blessings as I speak from experience.

The OP has spent hours online saying how she is far too busy to do some washing. It's disingenuous to say you are having a hellish day of washing when actually you are online for hours.

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Disgusting? 😂

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 19:00

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 18:55

It's not being a handmaiden FFS

i wouldn't want to stop him & the kids having a day out at the beach, just to stay home to do some laundry I could easily do whilst stuck at home working abreast.

it's just such a non issue.

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Why are you ignoring the third option? Where he asks me if I mind doing it, so he gets to go and do what he wants and I get to feel like a valued member of the family?

OP posts:

MummaMummaMumma · 30/05/2025 19:04

He should be clearing up his own piss. No way would I be doing that, especially if he'd not asked me to do it for him if for some reason he wasn't able to.
That's gross you're just expected to deal with it. He could have at least made a start before taking kids out.
Not sure why you're getting so much hate on tjsk thread!

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 19:07

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 19:00

Why are you ignoring the third option? Where he asks me if I mind doing it, so he gets to go and do what he wants and I get to feel like a valued member of the family?

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I'm not ignoring the third option. I'm simply replying to the handmaiden comment.

littleweedandherflowers · 30/05/2025 19:13

He’s probably very embarrassed and very worried ! Cut him some slack on this one x

SalfordQuays · 30/05/2025 19:18

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 18:45

A lot of doctors and nurses on here giving out their medical opinion I see, funny I thought we were in a shortage crisis.

Op if you’re reading you are not wrong to be angry at this. There seems to be a lot internalised misogyny in these comments. Heaven forbids a grown man is incapable of washing his own soiled sheets. I have no idea why they think it’s your problem. Or that he has some serious medical condition, because he wet the bed once and now you have to phone a doctor for me or take him immediately to A&E. I suspect they are just use to mothering their husbands. Ignore the haters 👍🏼

@ThisCraftyHelper what do you mean about the “shortage crisis”?

MounjaroMounjaro · 30/05/2025 19:18

That's really awful, OP. I don't know how he could just go off and leave it all to you. I've no idea why so many handmaidens have turned up on this thread to blame you for not caring about him enough. MN is crazy at times.

AnnaL94 · 30/05/2025 19:18

Look on the bright side. At least he didn’t 💩the bed.

Petitchat · 30/05/2025 19:20

MummaMummaMumma · 30/05/2025 19:04

He should be clearing up his own piss. No way would I be doing that, especially if he'd not asked me to do it for him if for some reason he wasn't able to.
That's gross you're just expected to deal with it. He could have at least made a start before taking kids out.
Not sure why you're getting so much hate on tjsk thread!

I agree with you.

I think the problem is that people just don't read the comments properly and then reply to the misconstrued comments.

For example:
Nowhere has OP said she is far too busy to wash the bedding.
Nowhere has OP said she doesn't want to wash the bedding.
Nowhere has OP shown disinterest in a possible medical reason.

OP is simply asking, wouldn't it have been courteous and thoughtful for DH to check that she was ok with cleaning up his (unfortunate) mess?

OP, YANBU

And I wish posters (particularly the handmaidens) would read the comments properly.

grumpygrape · 30/05/2025 19:21

NamelessNancy · 30/05/2025 18:35

I didn't know I could dodge cleaning up after myself because I was embarrassed. Why did nobody tell me?

I missed that memo too.

The only times I've cleaned up after my husband being sick is when he's actually been too ill to do it himself and he's always thanked me.

Petitchat · 30/05/2025 19:23

littleweedandherflowers · 30/05/2025 19:13

He’s probably very embarrassed and very worried ! Cut him some slack on this one x

Where's the slack on OP, who is kindly clearing up his mess?

LaaLaaLady · 30/05/2025 19:26

You're not wrong to be pissy about this (excuse the pun).

He should've cleaned the sheets, bedding etc. himself. Can't blame embarrassment, it's surely more embarrassing to leave that to your partner, than to clean it up himself.

I hope you have words with him. Total pisstake (sorry, pun intended).

ThriveIn2025 · 30/05/2025 19:27

There's no woman here that in ops husbands shoes would have left him to deal with her urine soaked sheets and fucked off out
This. YANBU.

latetothefisting · 30/05/2025 19:29

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 18:55

It's not being a handmaiden FFS

i wouldn't want to stop him & the kids having a day out at the beach, just to stay home to do some laundry I could easily do whilst stuck at home working abreast.

it's just such a non issue.

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how is putting at least the first wash on or at the absolute bare minimum having the courtesy to just ask OP if she can do the washing incompatible with having a day out with the kids at the beach?

If actually doing multiple loads of laundry, putting it out to dry, bringing it back in again and making the bed while working full time is a complete non-issue then by the same rationale just putting one lot in before you go out and asking your DW if they mind doing the rest is even less of an issue, and therefore no reason why the DH couldn't do it?

I don't see how being so impressed that a MAN is taking care of his OWN CHILDREN that this means he is free from any obligation towards any other household tasks for the rest of the day, let alone cleaning up his own mess, anything other than handmaideny.

EdithBond · 30/05/2025 19:31

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 18:27

Ah see, in our house I actually respect my partners time, so if I’d created additional loads of washing which needed to be done by a certain time but I didn’t feel able to do it as there was something else I’d rather do, I’d have simply checked that it was ok with him to do it.

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You seem to be getting a hard time @WFHbore2023.

Parents should work like a team. But may help to try the simple sexism test: what would happen if it was the other way around?

You wet the bed out of the blue, then showered, then declared you were taking the kids on an unplanned day out to a nearby beach on your day off, while he worked. Simply assuming he’d do the numerous loads of washing so that he could sleep in bed that night. But didn’t actually ask him or check if he had time/minded? Just assumed he’d deal with your pissy sheets.

Would he happily do it? Would he not mind you hadn’t asked? Or would you come back to unwashed sheets because he’s been ‘busy working all day’. So, have to sleep in the spare room and do it all yourself the next day?

Depending on the answer, you’ll know if he’s taking the piss (pun intended).

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 19:35

EdithBond · 30/05/2025 19:31

You seem to be getting a hard time @WFHbore2023.

Parents should work like a team. But may help to try the simple sexism test: what would happen if it was the other way around?

You wet the bed out of the blue, then showered, then declared you were taking the kids on an unplanned day out to a nearby beach on your day off, while he worked. Simply assuming he’d do the numerous loads of washing so that he could sleep in bed that night. But didn’t actually ask him or check if he had time/minded? Just assumed he’d deal with your pissy sheets.

Would he happily do it? Would he not mind you hadn’t asked? Or would you come back to unwashed sheets because he’s been ‘busy working all day’. So, have to sleep in the spare room and do it all yourself the next day?

Depending on the answer, you’ll know if he’s taking the piss (pun intended).

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Without a doubt, he wouldn’t even think to do it. He’d assume I would.

OP posts:

ThisCraftyHelper · 30/05/2025 19:35

SalfordQuays · 30/05/2025 19:18

@ThisCraftyHelper what do you mean about the “shortage crisis”?

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The UK not having enough docs and nurses for safe staffing levels.

HappyintheHills · 30/05/2025 19:36

ticktickticktickBOOM · 30/05/2025 17:20

Well you seem to have plenty of time to spend 2 hours on here moaning about it, as well as washing and wfh.

No wonder he went out if he was gonna get this much stick for something that he potentially has no control over, and could be the sign of a serious illness.

You'll be doing all the washing and childcare if he gets properly unwell.

Count your blessings.

Really?

so because some of us are widows those still lucky enough to still be married should put up with less than perfect behaviour from their DHs?

Sasha07 · 30/05/2025 19:38

Some replies are bizarre to me.
My DH wouldn't want me to wash the bedding if he pissed the bed. Though it wouldn't bother me to do it as I know he'd appreciate and offer to do it first anyway. I wouldn't want him doing it if I'd pissed the bed but also vice versa.

OP is very clearly saying it would have been nice for him to acknowledge her doing it. For him to say 'sorry this has happened, can you start the first two loads off and I'll catch up with the rest when I get back?' instead, he's just took the kids out for who knows how long, leaving it all to OP whether she minds or not.

He can clearly take the kids out for a couple of hours to the local beach, pop home, hang out whatever is ready while putting the next load on, cuppa for op, then take the kids to the park or whatever if he feels the need to. The point is, without splitting all the hairs, he should have acknowledged op was left with pissy bedding while he went out and left her to do it.