Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

It's highly unusual for a grown adult to wet the bed for no reason.

In adult men it can be a sign of neurological issues and prostate cancer.

I'm a widow so please don't speculate on whether I am a 'doormat in my relationship'. Highly insensitive.

Inventing some imaginary potential illness 😂 despite the fact Op said he was healthy. Of course it’s ops fault. Some women hate other women and they don’t even realise.

Wow, you're so resentful and seem to be thoroughly enjoying having a moan about him so repetitively . Wonder what would happen if there was an emergency .

It's highly unusual for a grown adult to wet the bed for no reason.
In adult men it can be a sign of neurological issues and prostate cancer.

I'm a widow, so please don't speculate on whether I am a 'doormat in my relationship and being a pathetic mother to a grown up husband'.
Highly insensitive.

I just don't understand this. Yes he should've asked if you were ok to clean it up, but he's also just shown a pretty concerning symptom of potentially a serious condition- and even if it was just a fluke, it's weird and probably threw him off. If my husband randomly wet the bed with no clear reason why, I'd be calling the doctor for him to make sure it happens ASAP, not bitching about him online. If he's lazy and this is one of many incidents, deal with it, stop complaining and fix it! Or is it his job to read your mind too?

I don't mother my husband. I just love him and have empathy about his disabilities and medical condition. He's an incredibly present and active husband and father, and he gives me help and support when I need it.

What would be the point in getting married if we just let each other drown?

Please tell me that he's already contacted the GP and at least dropped off a urine sample for dipping. In his shoes (or yours) I wouldn't want to leave this over the weekend with no action.

Ok doctor @ticktickticktickBOOM .Where you get your doctors degree or nurse training from? Have you even went to uni for a health care degree or did you just goggle that? There seems to be A LOT of HCP on this post.

He pissed the bed once. Get over it. Would you be so concerned if this was a man and his wife pissed the bed and didn’t clean up? I doubt it.

I’ll speculate all I want. And yes if your comments are anything to go by then yes you were a doormat. Op asked for advice, she is a working mother to small children. You have made some really unnecessary personal comments that are not relevant at all. Who are you to do that?

Being a loving wife shouldn’t mean cleaning your husband’s shit and piss.

I have male family with a stoma bags, they manage their bag and any leaks themselves.

Neither does my husband change my tampon 🤢

Don't be dramatic. No doctor is going to consider this isolated incident, an out of hours emergency.

Shoe on the other foot scenario:

Dear MN:
I am a husband and father and work from home. My wife has the day off today and planned to take the children out. I woke up today to a very wet bed. On inspection I saw my wife had gotten her period and there was blood everywhere. I woke up my wife and she helped me strip the bed. Then she showered, got the kids ready and has gone out for the day. AIBU to be pissed that she's left the laundry for me to sort.

No difference. A well person cleans up their own bodily fluids.

I can't imagine this scenario either. Wouldn't you simply ask in shock, why? what happened? you wet the bed, are you okay? I don't know how long you guys have been together but the fact you find this awkward to talk about says a lot.

Where on earth are you getting this from?

we had a conversation - I just haven’t written word for word what was said.

of course he told me why we needed to change the bed. Of course I asked if he felt ok. Of course we discussed him calling a doctor.

there was nothing embarrassing about the conversation - he was embarrassed that he’d had the accident, but not to tell me.

It would seem husbands are incapable of swimming in your world, then?

What a nasty piece of work you are.

Hope there was a waterproof cover on the mattress! Impossible to clean a peed on mattress- the urine will have gone inside. Before reading this I thought it was an update from a previous poster whose BF wet the bed!

Jeez all you’ve had to do is wash the bed! It’s not cause he was drunk. He’s not done it intentionally and probably mortified. And you’ve come on the internet to slag him off 😭 poor guy. I hope nothing is wrong with him.. but if there is I hope you feel ashamed of your reaction about some washing 😳 ‘for better or for worse. In sickness and in health’ I wouldn’t want you looking after me OP. Nurse Ratchet comes to mind 😭

Your reading comprehension is clearly quite poor, as I’ve not said anything to imply that we’ve taken such vows.

you are right, of course. Disgusting of me to think it would have been nice to have been asked if I minded dealing with soiled sheets.

he should LTB.

You don't get to play the I'm a widow card after comments like this:

"Well you seem to have plenty of time to spend 2 hours on here moaning about it, as well as washing and wfh.
No wonder he went out if he was gonna get this much stick for something that he potentially has no control over, and could be the sign of a serious illness.
You'll be doing all the washing and childcare if he gets properly unwell.
Count your blessings."

Well if he'd stayed at home to do the multiple loads of washing in the subsequent clean up, then he wouldn't have been able to take the kids out for the day. I suppose it would have been better if he'd asked you if you'd rather he'd stayed home with the kids all day while he cleaned up, or took them out so you could work in peace, as long as you could manage the laundry at the same time.

I wouldn't worry about him having an accident, as long as it's a one off. GP probably wouldn't be interested unless it becomes more frequent.

In our house we all actually like each other.
Extra washing is just another thing that needs to be done. Unless intentional or result of stupidity we would just get on and wash it, not point the finger at the one who created the extra washing, whether it’s period blood, blood noses or in this case, wet sheets. If your waters broke when pregnant would you sort the washing out before heading to the hospital?
Your DH has taken the DC out, not headed off on a bender. He’s also probably embarrassed and possibly a little worried. Why are you so aggro over some washing?

You missed out reference to her not bothering to make even a cursory "can I help with anything before I go out love"

Who said anything about an out of hours emergency? He's had all day. In any case, you can get a urine dip at a pharmacy. If he's got a UTI he could start treatment today. If his urine is glucose+++ then it is an out of hours emergency.