Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

It happened one time. Not a big deal. He’s a grown man he can clean his own pissy cheats.

HUSBAND PEED THE BED THEN FUCKED OFF WITH THE CHILDREN LEAVING OP TO DO THE WASHING etc DESPITE IT BEING A WORKDAY FOR OP.

Is that right? Don't tell me MNers would be happy to look after it all as an expectation from their husbands.

I wonder if a woman bled through the bedding with a heavy period and left her husband to sort out the laundry if people would think that was reasonable? But then most women wouldn’t even dream of buggering off with the kids while her husband sorted it while trying to work.

It's not necessarily a huge deal, especially if no other symptoms. it's just Dr Google as per usual obviously states its very uncommon/serious, and it gives MNers chance to berate op who's DH is obviously developing some terrible disease while she is a bit fucked off he didn't even give her a cursory "can I help out", because, you know, he's dying.

I've wet the bed, my friend has, and my mum over the years. That's 3 people I know of. All one-off events, Dr's not remotely concerned due to no other worrying symptoms beforehand but did investigations anyway, everything fine. In my case it was likely stress causing me to sleep too deep at points in the night, mums was mild sleep apnea related they assumed, pals was unexplained 🤷‍♀️

No - she is being a caring partner, just as my dh has been to me, on the odd occasion I’ve had an accident.

Why didn’t I do what?

I asked if he was ok, I said it’s probably best if he calls the doctor. I suggested he have a Google seeing as he’s a grown man and so doesn’t actually need me to do it.

I agree OP. He should have put the first wash on as soon as he was showered. And then maybe waited around for the second assuming a 60 min wash over breakfast.

Then a 'do you mind putting wash out and another in while I go out?' conversation.

Is he home now? Assuming he's remaking the bed tonight while you chill with your feet up.

Yes :-) There's a gap in the market in your area if you're after a side hustle!

But seriously - £60 at the laundromat?! My duvets don't fit in my washing machine so I have to take them to the laundromat to wash. Getting a service wash was under £20 last time (cheaper if I do it myself).

I didn't actually know about the home collect/drop washing service until a friend said she did it every time the family went on holiday, as she couldn't face about 5 loads of laundry after a long trip. It was a revelation!

If this happened to my partner sober and out of the blue I don't think I'd be worrying about a couple of loads of washing. I'm sure he'll be fine but it doesn't sound like something he had control over, he's out with the children, you are presumably working from home, I'd do the washing for my partner in this scenario and vice versa, no question, is your relationship struggling?

i don’t see what the issue is? You posting here to humiliate him more. You said he’s just cracked on, what do you expect him to do -‘mope around the house in embarrassment? It’s an issue that’s been solved, I would just leave it and not embarrass him further

I’m a HCP and if the husband came to me because they pissed the bed once I’ll be a bit flummoxed… several times then maybe I’ll investigate. I would be pissed off he wasted my time and took another patients time.

I’m absolutely not surprised at these comments. Very sad a lot of women on here are still mothering their husbands and thinking nothing of cleaning up a grown man’s pissy sheets trying to blame op for being unhappy about it.

No, she’s a loving wife by the sound of it.

Perhaps DH thought that you could if the quilt was in the wash when he left, then the rest of it wasn't urgent? Surely you could manage one night without a topper and a protector? (Does your topper not also protect?)

I think he's simply not thought that you insist on having all the things washed and back on the bed tonight.

You wanted to be asked to do the washing. Ok. Does he normally ask you if you're alright to do the washing? If you usually do it, he probably doesn't think this is an exceptional case, it wouldn't be in our house.

I think if he'd asked you then you'd still be pissed off though, and if that's true then YABU.

How is this post going to humiliate him? If I didn’t care about sparing his feelings/blushes, I’d have messaged a friend to vent, wouldn’t i?
I haven’t made any negative comments about the accident, only the fact that it was just assumed that I’d deal with the mess.

He should have been the one to find a laundrette (which would have been the easiest solution) and gone off and done it all

He can take the kids out tomorrow

Unless he has no hands then yes he can do it himself.

Those saying about wives on here mothering their husbands, that’s not the case in my relationship AT ALL. If I leaked period all over our bedding, my husband would without a doubt help me strip the bed, and if I had reason to go out he would get it washed. We are a partnership.

Oh don't be so ridiculous

Humiliate who? We don't know the OP or her husband

And I would have expected him to sort it all out - due to the fact I would be working!

Well you seem to have plenty of time to spend 2 hours on here moaning about it, as well as washing and wfh.

No wonder he went out if he was gonna get this much stick for something that he potentially has no control over, and could be the sign of a serious illness.

You'll be doing all the washing and childcare if he gets properly unwell.

Count your blessings.

He should have cleaned up after himself and not asked or expected someone else to do it, he's a grown ass man and not ill. Definitely have words.

All the laundry and childcare pretty much sums up my own days off during the half term, so i guess I’m already there.

That's parenthood for you.

Join the (worldwide) club.

@WFHbore2023 - I don’t blame you for being cross that he has left you with all the work, and as I said earlier, you need to have a chat with him later on, and say that, if this happens again, he needs to do the bed changing and laundry.

When I have been in his position, I have been hugely apologetic, and in tears about it, and have really appreciated the way my dh dealt with the bed and with my upset, and didn’t make me feel ashamed or a burden. Hopefully he will be grateful, and sorry for leaving you with all the work, when he gets home.

unless you are a dad, it would seem.

then you must take your children out and leave any additional housework to the mother.