Loud parenting in public spaces

[76born]

AIBU to say that even as a parent of two, I find loud parenting and following this, loud children really bloody annoying.
Two examples this week which have had me furious 😡 (I’m obviously bored and need to get a life)
Example one, sat in a cafe now enjoying a cup of tea whilst my two build Lego (it’s a Lego cafe) and one parent is commenting on her child’s building skills, eg “oh wow Timothy, great building of a really high tower Timothy, look jacasta, look how high Timothy’s tower is” (names changed). Now dad joins in. His I’m really mean..
Example two, walking home from school last week when a young g child of about two being pushed in a pushchair mumbled and pointed at something. Mum, in the loudest, poshest voice ever, “yes darling, that black Range Rover is like the one found at grampy’s house”.
i am perimenopause, I get the rage at minor things and just would enjoy your thoughts and of course, examples, to add to this thread.
I thank you

Parents of young children get used to a certain level of noise at home and get used to projecting their voices.

Ooh I'd have bust a gasket at that! Did anyone tell her to STFU?

No idea what you have on me, I’m ‘old’ish’. But, you would love me as well don’t mutter under my breath. I loudly score it like gymnastics at the Olympics giving a score out of 10 for different performative aspects. I figure if we all have to be subjected to that hogwash, then it’s only fair.

I don't doubt that there is such thing as 'performance parents' There are also parents who cba to even look at their kids whilst they're out who are the most likely to be rolling their eyes at parents and labelling them performance parents for interacting in a positive way with their kid

I would walk around the supermarket singing or chatting to my child in a sing-song voice when she was a baby for her benefit. I couldn't give a shit what total strangers think of this. I'm not hurting anyone and my daughter is one of the top readers in her class so I'm in no doubt that I gave her what she needed

That is fucking hilarious 😆

At least the kids aren't on screens and are doing Lego instead

There's a lot of assumptions in there about what goes on in somebody else's head.

A friend of mine got accused of something like performance parenting when she was in the US because apparently her accent (standard English accent) was too artificial.

I get it's frustrating but I saw a Mum ignore her baby for almost a whole hour whilst she was on her phone in a coffee house. This kid was babbling, laughing, put his arms out, crying... trying all sorts and mum just wasn't engaging. He just gave up in the end, even his toy fell on the floor and she didn't pick it up.... broke my heart a bit, I nearly went and picked up the poor little thing myself...

I'd have been quite tempted to join in and also start an argument about whether "the mummies on the bus go chatter chatter chatter" is sexist. 😅

Do people have nothing better to do than listen to private conversations

They're far from private, which is one of the main points.

Why do you think you are so important that anyone would put up a performance for you??

They're putting the performance on for anyone and everyone, who has the misfortune to be nearby.

Why do you think anyone cares what you think of them?? And cares enough to change the way they talk and interact with their kids.

Because they're performance parents. The whole point is they care what others think of their performance, and they want others to think they're shit hot at parenting and their child is an absolute prodigy.

Think 'influencer' but without the internet and that's pretty much it really.

It's all fake but it makes them feel better if they look good.

100% this

I talk to my children because it’s so much better than giving them a screen or ignoring them whilst I’m on mine. Couldn’t care less who is listening and I’m certainly not paying attention to anyone else. If a parent can replay the convo of another person interacting with their children then they aren’t paying enough attention to their own!

FFS. Always this kind of comment.

You do realise there’s a middle ground?

And how do you know they are performance parents? Are they handing out tickets to announce their show? If they aren't then you are probably just assuming stuff.

I just don't like this nastiness. It's unnecessary.

Mother with 3/4-yr old child behind me in interminable queue at H&M this morning - half term and 1 member of staff. Convo goes like this:
Child - the teddy you got me is lovely mummy!
Loud Mummy - yes it is and thank you for acknowledging what I did for you.
Child - I'm hungry!
Loud Mummy - you had crepes for breakfast, you need to think before you speak and choose your words more carefully.
Child - (stamps foot and starts to whine)
Quieter Mummy - I'll get you a Gregg's sausage roll after this....

I went bowling last night and omg, encountered the loudest woman in Scotland. It wasn't a performance she was just v v loud and her son was also v v loud as a result of the v v loud mum.
I just thought, their poor neighbours 😂

You are me 🤣

I must look like that parent in the swimming pool as I taught them to swim myself. Tried council lessons but he couldn't hear a word and just did his own thing.

I know I must sound like a fish wife at times but when they don't hear otherwise you get used to volume! Can't say I've ever whipped out the spelling cards or discussed the reformation with him though

Because

I actually know what performance parenting is, unlike some on this thread, who are just bumping their gums and refusing to Google the subject.

I've worked around parents and children in National Trust properties long enough to be able to spot them a mile off with complete confidence. Believe me, they're like security lights and 'switch on' the second a member of staff walks by, so we can all hear how clever 10 month old Tarquin is because he pointed to a famous painting - never mind the fact he also pointed to the door, the ceiling and the soggy crisp stuck to his buggy.

The modern equivalent of 'handing out tickets' is gathering followers on social media, where they can performance parent on a much larger scale.

I really don't think you understand what it actually is, do you?

I remember being in a Surrey Lidl and a woman came in with a small baby and announced loudly - "oh I KNOW we shop at Waitrose but there's something I need to get here that I just CAN'T get there. Sorry, we'll be a little while as I don't know where ANYTHING is here". I mean, I love it when you hear a snippet of really natural chatter between child and carer but you really can tell when it's performative!

This is really, really sad. I'm a reception teacher and people do this becayse they feel nervous or insecure around professionals and want to show that they are trying their best and you call them pathetic. Shame on you.

I fully understand what performance parenting is but I dispute that it's really an issue. In 7 years of parenting I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've thought somebody is being a performance parent or found their interactions with their child irritating. Parents who's little darlings are completely menacing a softplay/supermarket/birthday party whilst their 'parent' barely even looks up from their phones however.... very regular occurance and far more annoying imo

Same! And I find this thread really sad. But I won't be changing! Let's meet up and make everyone in the cafe rage.

I get what you're saying but one thing being annoying doesn't necessarily make another thing less annoying.

I find PP more amusing than annoying to be honest.

Although the downside is it can be very stressful for the child to grow up having to join in with the performance, or feeling they're not really anything like the child their parents want to 'display' to strangers.

I had that as well - answering my kids questions.

Admittedly one time it was on a normal weather doumentary that I'd just left on TV after something else but was a surpise hit with the kids. I couldn't do much more than reference the TV show - and promise to look up later - I don't know my cloud types.

I have encountered performance parenting and it is loud and annoying and usually ends with tantruming kids or kids running off - it's not really about the child curiosity or wanting to teach them - it's the disinterested audience it's all aimed at.

But many don't know the difference - apparently me bring a book to keep a child quiet while waiting for older child - was also performative rather than a pratcical distraction. Said to me straight faced every week while their kid was running up and down screaming hitting others picking fights and destoying anything they could - clearly mine sitting quietly bothreing no-one including me was the problem.

This used to annoy me too. Then my youngest came along with severe hearing issues. Getting help has been a nightmare and she's still on the waiting list for a procedure, so I probably sound like I'm performance parenting in public when I'm just speaking to her loudly because she can't hear otherwise.

That said, I get easily annoyed by parents who just have to one - up others with their child's achievements. "Oh your DC read a book this week? My DC read seven and then wrote their own novel."

But in order to do that you'd have to start performance parenting, and given the poster you're replying to clearly doesn't understand what it is, and has shown absolutely no examples of it, what would be the point?

I'm starting to think some people are just being willfully ignorant as to what PP actually is.

Which is fine but I don't get why they'd take part in a thread on a subject they don't understand, and refuse to learn about.