Loud parenting in public spaces

[76born]

AIBU to say that even as a parent of two, I find loud parenting and following this, loud children really bloody annoying.
Two examples this week which have had me furious 😡 (I’m obviously bored and need to get a life)
Example one, sat in a cafe now enjoying a cup of tea whilst my two build Lego (it’s a Lego cafe) and one parent is commenting on her child’s building skills, eg “oh wow Timothy, great building of a really high tower Timothy, look jacasta, look how high Timothy’s tower is” (names changed). Now dad joins in. His I’m really mean..
Example two, walking home from school last week when a young g child of about two being pushed in a pushchair mumbled and pointed at something. Mum, in the loudest, poshest voice ever, “yes darling, that black Range Rover is like the one found at grampy’s house”.
i am perimenopause, I get the rage at minor things and just would enjoy your thoughts and of course, examples, to add to this thread.
I thank you

Couldn’t agree more with this. Parenting is hard enough without worrying you’re being judged for interacting with your own child in public. Very sad thread this is.

Sorry but what even is this thread? Who gives a shit about people talking loudly in public/to their kids etc as long as they're not swearing/talking inappropriate in front of kids who gives a shit? We share the world with other people it's not healthy to get this worked up over nothing. Sorry peaceandquietand a cuppa I'm more responding to the poster you quoted not you just couldn't be bothered to scroll through and find their comment.

But "especially the posh ones" just sounds bitter, jealous and resentful to me, what someone deserves extra vitriol just because they talk like they have more money than you? 😂

People just want to judge for anything these days. Looking at your phone while with the kids? What a shit parent! Engaging your kids? Too loud and, of course, must be for show!

chuffing hell… going onto a forum to complain that a mum praised their son for building a Lego tower. What is that all about?!

Its not about praising a kid for his lego. Its about making sure everyone else is listening to what a wonderful parent you are.

Hilarious! A new episode of Amandaland maybe? 🤣

There isn’t anything to demonstrate or prove that’s what the mum was doing or intending… if anything it could just be that the op is easily annoyed and made it about her. Performative judging, if you will!

Either way why does anyone care? If you really think they're doing it just to be performative why can't you just block it out? If it was someone shouting, swearing in front of your child fair enough but other than that other people talking is just background noise to the world we live in. Who gives a shit.

I say all this as a quiet person who doesn't talk loud at all so not feeling personally attacked also I'm the furthest thing from being posh but someone said it's especially annoying if it's with a posh accent? Which just reeks of jealousy and bitterness

What an incredibly judgmental thread this is. As someone from, and in, a loud household we all tend to have voices which are louder than average. I am sure when I’m talking to my child people can hear me, and that’s OK because

1. we’re in a public place
2. toddlers are unpredictable movers and sometimes commentary on their whereabouts and actions are necessary to inform others around us
3. people are really bloody judgmental and sometimes you do say things loudly to let people know you’re on it (the amount of people that think my toddler is going to bang his head on everything and let out an audible gasp is tremendous, but I don’t mind because hey, they care about him)

just let people get on with their lives and stop judging/ caring - it’s more on those of you who it gets under the skin of, there must be more to think about!

I can sometimes seem like I’m performance parenting I think, but DS has profound SEND and is non-verbal so there’s a lot of silence to fill and I have no way of knowing for sure what he understands or want he is interested in so I feel like I have to cover all my bases!

What a thoroughly depressing thread. My husband an I talk to our five-month-old constantly, both when we are at home and when we're out pushing her in her pram. I have been told by so many midwives, health visitors and other childcare professionals how important it is to talk to your baby, even while pregnant, and not just baby talk, actually talking to them in a normal voice too.
Of course we're not deluded, we know she can't understand what we're actually saying to her, but we believe it makes her feel included, exposes her to language and interaction and helps keep us sane too! We also sing to her a lot, sometimes silly made up songs like when we're changing her nappy or soothing pop songs when trying to get her to go to sleep as she seems to respond well to music.
She's a very expressive baby, always gurgling, cooing and blowing raspberries when we talk to her so I do think it's helping her development. I had no idea that people in the park might be judging us for chatting to our baby. I think some people must just go around trying to find totally innocuous things which have no impact on their lives to get irritated by.

What a bitchy thread!

For those who are getting slated for being a 'performance parent', you're doing amazing!

It is, because the difference is that those women have some semblance of self awareness.
It’s also very judgemental to assume that perimenopause symptoms are something you can always control. If you are not perimenopause you have no right to say this, if you are and don’t suffer don’t assume it impacts others like it impacts you.
I find PP mindblowing because it’s such a contrast to the way children were raised 40/50 years ago and I don’t know why we can’t have a happy medium, but ultimately it is extremely irritating because often it’s not authentic. And I believe children know that too.

Your kids are much older. Mine are 1 & 3 and would want me to say that first comment, saying how amazing a tower isn’t performance parenting.

I did this too! Sometimes it was the only opportunity to talk from 7am until half past 5! I used to sing in the park with my son whilst pushing him in the pram!
i think people forget that, though I’m not a fan of performance parenting to the point people hear because it’s deliberate.

I used to talk to my babies - TBH they gave non verbal and noises back very early on -partly for company partly to make sure they picked up on language as early as possible.

I also did that thing where you do several sentances with same word in - ie bus we're on a bus, it a big bus isn't it - it's your first bus - because repeating words serval times in context is how they picked words up or repeating them back even if others couldn't work out the words yet. Also DS had intermittent glue ear - so sometime needed louder clearer voice.

I have SEN/ND condition and needed speach therapy as a child but was told during dsylexia diagonsis my wide vocbabulary had undoubtedly pulled me though many difficulties. My kids spoke early and had wide vocabulary - still do - so worked for us.

I think difference between that and rare perforance parenting I've seen is I was interacting with children not at them - so when they'd have enough I'd stop - most perforamce parenting I've seen end in tears and trantrums as it's not about the kids.

However so many on here are just dissing normal parenting.

I've never heard of performance parenting before, what a great turn of phrase!

I haven't read the entire thread but nahhh!

People probably think I'm like this with my son but he's got learning disability and NEEDS over the top engagement and repetition to encourage his speech and understanding.

My mum was a teacher, and a loud/outgoing person. So I adopted the same style, commentating on everything.

My ex used to hate it with my older kids though. I think he saw it as annoying and told me a few times. My new husband loves how I am and has never criticised my tone of voice.

If you're too much for someone, they're probably not the right person for you is what I've heard (and believe). You do you!

What? we should just stand there while being muttered about? Nah. The worst behaviour in public has never been from women and children, but every fucker thinks they can comment. It's picking what seems like an easy target. It's for everyone on the receiving end to not make it easy.

Performance parenting doesn't involve narrative or engaging with your child in an interested manner. It's over-loud, 'look at me' showboating, purely for the benefit of anyone who's unlucky enough to be in the vicinity.

This is a completely normal interaction with your DC and not anywhere in the realm of a performance for an imagined audience.

If other people genuinely can’t tell the difference between interacting with DC and a performance intended for every adult in the vicinity (given practically 50:50 voting), it seems we’ll have to put up with a lot more of it, unfortunately.

I have been definitely encountered parents putting on their loudest, poshest voice to talk to their children in ways that seem quite stilted when out and a bit in public. And it does seem at times like a show of superiority.

But reading through this thread, it strikes me that maybe my judgments have been a bit harsh and we should really try and give other parents the benefit of the doubt. It can be bloody hard parenting at times, exhausting, lonely and isolating- maybe people just go up a gear, any way they know how, to get through the day!

I have a one year old, I am a pretty quiet person but I have definitely sung to her in public places and got over enthusiastic encouraging her at times, I don't get out much 😁Sorry not sorry.

oh and I am in perimenopause too so, yeah, don't fit neatly in either box.

What is performance parenting

Child sees pretty ornament in shop and wants parent to buy it. Parent agrees and says: "YES OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE IT DARLING, YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE TABLE BY THE PIANO IN THE MUSIC ROOM AS A REWARD FOR PRACTICING YOUR VIOLA SO HARD FOR TWO HOURS EVERY DAY".

If you've got this far in the thread you should have an idea by now.

Didn’t read every post