Loud parenting in public spaces

[76born]

AIBU to say that even as a parent of two, I find loud parenting and following this, loud children really bloody annoying.
Two examples this week which have had me furious 😡 (I’m obviously bored and need to get a life)
Example one, sat in a cafe now enjoying a cup of tea whilst my two build Lego (it’s a Lego cafe) and one parent is commenting on her child’s building skills, eg “oh wow Timothy, great building of a really high tower Timothy, look jacasta, look how high Timothy’s tower is” (names changed). Now dad joins in. His I’m really mean..
Example two, walking home from school last week when a young g child of about two being pushed in a pushchair mumbled and pointed at something. Mum, in the loudest, poshest voice ever, “yes darling, that black Range Rover is like the one found at grampy’s house”.
i am perimenopause, I get the rage at minor things and just would enjoy your thoughts and of course, examples, to add to this thread.
I thank you

Yes a massive difference.

In fact the performative parents of yesteryear would've dearly loved the social media platforms a lot of modern performers are using today.

But they still walk among us in supermarkets, museums and playgrounds.

First example could be me, with 2 young boys and a small age gap there's a contrast steam of positivity like "good building, amazing working together, well done for walking nicely" I'm sure your eyes are rolling just reading this, in fact I've got a friend who's eyes roll in real life at it 🤣
Today I've got a throat infection and literally can't speak, my throat's so swollen if I talk loudly I vomit. Turns out the positivity works. Today they are NOT playing nicely or working together and ran off across a car park earlier. Literally the only change is that I cant talk / shout. I'll be back to loudly parenting as soon as I can.

Ffs

How dare these parents want to..... talk to their kids and nurture their social and language skills....heaven forbid!

I was on a small tour 'train' around a wildlife park recently. A woman behind me decided to loudly sing every single bloody verse of 'The Wheels on the Bus' to her daughter (who was paying no heed and was more interested in looking at the animals). Everyone on the 'train' had to listen to her. So selfish and annoying.

Look at meeeeeeee look at meeeeeeee look at meeeeeeeeeeeee

I understand you OP

That is 100% NOT what performance parents are doing. They are showing off, loudly for the 'benefit' of others. They want everyone around them to know how marvellous they are as parents, and as a result how marvellous their children are. Completely different to chatting normally to your children, praising them, acknowledging positive behaviour etc at a normal volume.

My DH witnessed some extremely loud performance parenting once in a National Trust garden.

It was all 'Yes that's right Jemima, you're so clever Jemima! Everyone look at Jemima!'

I was eye rolling so hard at it all, and then my mild-mannered, quiet DH bellowed 'Just look at that beautiful view!' in the loudest voice I had ever heard from him.

The parent jumped and glared at us, I was doubled over laughing.

Still makes me chuckle.

Yes loud parenting and children are irritating, as are other people generally, oh and whinge fests - like this thread.

Woman who lives near us does this. Her son is the same age as mine.

My boy turned round to me one day when she was talking to him and said 'Mum, why is she talking to me like that?' LOL Didn't know where to look, although he was right.

Well done on being able to use Google, and more so showing us all how great you are at it. Performance Googling perhaps…
Now please go back to the OP’s post and show us where (certainly for the first example) these are examples of performance parenting.
Engaging with a child to congratulate them on what a marvellous attempt they’ve made at building a lego tower is called parenting. That it irritates the OP is incidental and certainly doesn’t sit under those characteristics you’ve highlighted.

There’s a marked difference between engaging with your DC in a normal voice, versus acting as if you’re on stage with a large audience - so people the other side of Tesco can hear your voice projecting the BAFTA winning performance of DM/F of the year.

YANBU OP

Have you been through peri-menopause? It makes you feel like you're going mad sometimes, little things that barely annoyed you before can become amplified x 1000!

Uggh if there is one thing I can't stand it's people complaining about performance parenting. Do people have nothing better to do than listen to private conversations of people they don't know and know nothing about and judge them? It's so arrogant as well. Why do you think you are so important that anyone would put up a performance for you?? Why do you think anyone cares what you think of them?? And cares enough to change the way they talk and interact with their kids. Just mind your own business.

It's not like we don't face enough criticism and judgment as parents as it is. I guess, people love to judge and make themselves feel better and parents (other parents, of course), especially mums, are an easy target. I'm sure you can find better and more deserving targets for your spite and vitriol though than people talking to their kids.

Why present a false dichotomy? It isn't a choice between ignoring your children and performance parenting.

I don't really think praising your dc's lego model is really performance parenting, I think that's just normal parenting. I doubt they are trying to show off with that.

One of my neighbours does loud performance parenting in the garden most days, also gentle parenting where she likes to get the children to basically scream by her screaming to express themselves. The dad (a PE teacher) also shouts and swears it’s like chav central.

If the conversations are private why are they being broadcast at the tops of voices for everyone to hear?

I dont get this either. I probably do performance parent by other peoples standards but I try and talk as much as possible to my baby to help his vocabulary and encourage him to build confidence and be happy. I try and be happy and lighthearted and smiley when we're out and about cause why not, he makes me so happy.

Christ you cant win. If I wasnt engaging with him, ignoring him, being negative, shouting at him I'm sure other people would be complaining about my parenting.

This. I remember people giving me funny looks when I was talking to DD1 when she was a tiny baby when out and about, as if I was unhinged to do so. Just normal chatting at a normal speaking volume and not a performance. She would soon babble back at me.

I feel that some younger and less confident people don't talk to their kids as much when out and about due to embarrassment and self-consciousness.

Hadn’t heard of performance parenting.

Think sometimes active parenting makes people feel insecure about their own parenting if they wish they were more engaged/less shouty, so they are mean about people putting in effort. Or trying hard.

Agree with the others- better to be a try hard I think than a a parent who is lazy. For the child that is. suppose the volume is key here- if you’re disturbing everyone else in a public space then it’s not ok.

Again, Google is widely available...

And if you don't fancy that, the copy and paste upthread will explain what performance parenting is.

Of course it’s not put on for a specific person it’s put on for the world at large. It’s annoying, often damaging to the children and designed to make the parent feel better about themselves. There’s a misplaced sense others will feel that they are doing a good job whereas 99% of people are shaking their heads.

To be clear I have no issues with parents engaging with and talking to their children (even if it’s a bit loud) - that’s just parenting.

when they are very loudly proclaiming their 5 year old was influenced by Georgia O’Keefe in the middle of a quiet cafe (with the child showing zero engagement with the conversation) it’s another thing entirely.

I don't know. Some people talk loudly without being aware of it. I am used to being called shy and quiet from when I was a child and was stunned recently when my mum asked me why I always talk so loudly. I asked dh about it and apparently i do have quite a loud voice. I had no idea.