To just want my dad to die

[microplasticmum]

He’s not unwell, nor particularly old. Just a complete bully and colossal pain in my arse. He’s still married to my mum, happily even. I have no idea what she sees in him. I want my son to have a relationship with his lovely nana, but I just cannot stand being around my dad. I just want him to hurry up and have that coronary so we can see my mum in peace.

FIL was the same and MIL barely saw the kids because non of us could stand to be around him and she wouldn’t do anything without him. She worshiped the ground he walked on, fuck knows why.
Anyway, he did die eventually and MIL wanted to resume her relationships. My kids barely knew her, so are polite but nothing else. It’s a shame because the relationships are very heavily impacted

Agreeing with this absolutely.

My mother was an alcoholic who ruined my baby and younger years. When she died, my life began… I was 9.
She had neglected me, ( I was very underweight and Prem at birth due to the drinking ) and she did not feed me or take me to school up until the few months before she died ( I was removed to go & live with my lovely Aunty)
She was only interested in alcohol. Nothing else at all.
I would thank her for only one thing… that her neglect made me absolutely certain I would never be like that with my own child.
And I wasn’t.
If you have a child, that child should come before anything.
Solidarity to all of us who have suffered.♥️

I'm sorry your dad is so awful. My dad was the nicest man in the world but my mum left him for another (cuntish) man and moved 100s of miles away so we only saw my dad twice a year. He died when I was 10. Don't know why I'm posting this it's just ironic the horrible dad's seem to live forever

I wouldn't allow my son anywhere near this man. Surely your mum will understand why?

You can feel however you like, and I understand why you would feel that way if he is as you describe.

However, posting a thread title like this on the busiest board on MN on the lead-up to Father’s Day is quite insensitive to many posters here who are in the position you’d like to be in, but not quite so gleeful about it.

I’m so sorry, that must have been awful🌸

No, my dad is dead and I am not remotely offended, by the title or anything else, whatever month it is.

Wishing someone dead isn't wrong, in and of itself.

Yanbu x

Nobody needs to be nice about someone who physically and mentally abused his children.

YANBU, OP.

I admire the OP for saying what she really thinks. Yes, there are people you wish were dead, or are quite pleased when you hear they're dead.

My Dad is also dead, very young and fairly recently, and I was upset by it.

You don’t speak for everyone (neither do I, which is why I said ‘many posters’).

I came off anti-depressants after my parents died. They were profoundly difficult people and emotionally abusive.

I hear you

Why not? I wish lots of people were dead.

The last time I saw my mother I dropped her off at the airport after a horrendous 4 days of psychological and emotional manipulation as per usual. On the way home in the car all I could think was ‘just fuck off and die!’. It’s a bloody awful thought and I feel guilty, but it was certainly honest. You really can’t tell people in real life!

I*m sorry for your loss, mine died young too, but there is no evidence that 'many posters' are offended by OP's title. MN would have edited it by now if so. Have you reported it?

I can’t bear this sort of sanctimonious shite.

Can you explain how the OP wishing her father dead is causing him any harm?

I’ll give you a clue: it isn’t. Wishing death on someone doesn’t make them die, and expressing such a wish without their knowledge (as the OP is doing here) doesn’t hurt them in any way whatsoever.

We don’t need to do the hashtag-be-kind bullshit on someone who beats children with a fucking belt.

Good grief. The fucking nerve of some people telling off strangers for their own feelings about their own families.

I do understand you, given your past.

How does he behave with her now? If you go round for an hour, is there any communication between you?

Read the thread. This is a man who beat his child with a belt.

It's his life.
It's all he has.
Don't begrudge him that.
He gave you life.

Now I’ve read this I totally get why you’d want him dead. I’d also not want to see a mother who allowed this to happen. I’m sorry for you.

He beat her.

Maybe she just won’t let her mind go there, so she has convinced herself she is happy with him. Denial can be very persuasive like that.

No wonder you want him to die - I don't even know him and I want him to die too!

I’m sorry you’ve lost your dad.

However, that doesn’t mean everyone else has to stay quiet about theirs. This isn’t about you and it isn’t about your father.

The OP is just as entitled to express her negative feelings about her father as you are to express your positive feelings about yours. You can certainly expect people close to you to consider your grief when they’re talking about their own experiences, but you cannot reasonably expect total strangers on an internet forum to self-censor for every conceivable situation that others might be going through.

YANBU

He sounds like a dick and it’s not like wishing it is somehow going to make it happen. Be prepared for him to seemingly go on forever though, old bastards always seem to do so.