DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

So if you dont get offended, dont let it bother you, rise above it, your a twat!!!? Interesting.

I dont think anyone knows, we can only make assumptions in the detail (or just fabricate)

No, but you're a twat if you think you can dictate the boundaries that other women choose to set regarding what is and what isn't acceptable behaviour in the workplace.

There we go again... 'for all we know' for all we know she could be an absolute trouble making bitch!!!

That's the opposite of what im saying!!! The majority here are dictating.

I had a situation at work where a male senior manager behaved in an inappropriate manner with a newly qualified young woman.

She didn't want to go to HR. I can't go into it all on here, but I recorded everything in writing and it was eventually passed on as part of a dossier. In the immediate aftermath, however, the women in our department did discuss the matter well away from any men and - yes - there was some swearing at the audacity of the lecherous old bastard.

ETA Clarified one sentence.

Endure it??? Yes how dreadful for someone to make you feel attractive and compliment you!!

I never found being whistled at in the street like I was a dog in anyway flattering.

My first job out of university I was given a tour of the buildings and some builders wolf whistled at me. I was the only female on the tour and I was mortified. My new (male) manager complained to the building company as he was capable of understanding it was out of order.

Why can't women just walk down the street without men feeling they have the right to make their presence known to us.

Did you mean to reveal so much about yourself?

Your pick-me-girl attitude stinks, OP, and your husband sounds like a sleazy prick.

Not sure what's the point of debating what constitutes SH when it's already defined legally. The onus now is on the employer to demonstrate they have responded appropriately.

Examples of sexual harassment:

Sexual harassment can be a one-off incident or an ongoing pattern of behaviour.
It can happen in person. It can also happen online, for example in meetings, email, social media or messaging tools. What some people might consider as joking, 'banter' or part of their workplace culture can still be sexual harassment.

Examples include:

• asking questions about someone's sex life

https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment

Good one 👏

Dictating what? The people here are saying that she was more than entitled to report him. Not that everyone should report him (although I actually think they should, for the sake of all women, but I obviously can’t dictate that 😉, it’s just my opinion).

A trouble making bitch for reporting the inappropriate sexual comment the DH admitted to saying?

Omg your getting embarrassing now!

Why is that embarrassing? Are you able to explain?

Like the people saying your a twat if you dont agree, someone just called me a bitch, I haven't said anything mean to anyone but others here resort to name calling if their opinions aren't exactly agreed to.

No. Read it back and figure it out yourself.

So you can't explain? Thank you.

Because @MyLimeGuide was clearly referring to a potential ongoing characteristic and not the fact she reported OPs dh.
It was a we know nothing about either of them so maybe ……just like others are doing on here about OPs dh..

I've seen the post where you suggested that this term might describe the victim of sexual harassment. I've obviously missed the post where someone has just called you that.

Did you have a fall? The bitch comment was from you.

Like the people saying your a twat if you dont agree, someone just called me a bitch, I haven't said anything mean to anyone but others here resort to name calling if their opinions aren't exactly agreed to.

Nobody called you a bitch. People were quoting YOUR post...

Using a gendered insult to refer to a victim of sexual harassment where the perpetrator has admitted that he made an appropriate comment?

Your addition that this is a 'potential ongoing characteristic' is mitigated only by the fact that you didn't use the gendered insult yourself.

weird world isn't it. that comment wouldn't even have remotely rubbed me up the wrong way, never mind offended me in the slightest.

I wouldn’t call anyone that.
I’m guessing @MyLimeGuide has chosen to use similar terminology to reflect what others have said about OP and her dh.

For impact and to get the point across, as others have done.