DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Ok..... I dont think the topic here is paedophilia but anyway.....

No, woman shouldn’t have to put up with man mentioning sex at work. It’s not difficult. It’s inappropriate to talk about sex in the work place.

Lol ❄

There’s a lot of this on Mumsnet. Chance to paint man as evil certain people crowd round to off load their own misandry

Thank you for that well reasoned argument

Why? - what other activities do you think women are too sensitive to hear about at work?

I don’t think women are too sensitive to hear about anything. They just don’t want to listen to sleazy men’s sleazy comments. And why should they? They’re there to do a job.

ETA and he didn’t just ‘talk about sex’. He alluded to her having sex. In a supposedly ‘jokey’ way (but no one has yet explained why his comment was funny).

I can honestly say that I’ve not said anything on this thread that I wouldn’t be prepared to say with my name to it.

But he didn’t just mention sex did he? He alluded to the colleague having had sex - that’s a completely different thing. In any event normal professional people don’t discuss sex in front of their colleagues. It’s weird and inappropriate.

If someone finds themself unable to stop themselves talking about sex for 37.5ish hours a week they’ve probably got bigger issues.

OP have a watch of the series Mad Men. This reminds me of the sleazy comments from men to women on that show.

Sex is not an appropriate topic for the workplace. It’s really really not hard.

It’s a Type A thing I understand.
Not necessarily more intelligent just more competitive so on average achieve higher grades.
Less relaxed, more stressed, impatient, more likely to be aggressive,
They work harder but don’t necessarily achieve more
They are very competitive and stress when not achieving.

Type Bs on the other hand prefer the game rather than the winning. They tend to live longer and have a less stressed life.

Oh no won’t someone think of the poor man who sexually harasses women in the workplace and crosses both social and employment boundaries.
Poor men can’t even make a comment about his coworker having sex without being called
out on it. “You can’t say anything these days”.

Side note, has anyone who isn’t an arsehole came out with the “you can’t say anything” line? 😂

Not in my experience.

Why are you defending people alluding to other people’s sex lives in the work place? Is it just offices where it is ok or can the builders and labourers start cat calling again now, or is that too blue collar? You’d be quite happy would you if the cashier at the supermarket said your smiling must be down to getting some last night? Or maybe the bus driver, is it ok if he says that to a smiling passenger?

I think I have read that on here but I don’t know if it was real or sarcasm.

Ooh look at the playground bully still trying to rally supporters.

You're exactly the kind of person who uses your anonymity to just be downright offensive, whilst calling out someone for being offensive.

And you can't see it.

I always hated being wolf whistled. It never once made me feel good (I already had self esteem, I didn’t need validation by a random stranger). I found it an infringement on my personal space and as unwelcome as a stranger coming up and hugging me.

Not at all, it takes courage to speak up and stand up for what is right. Bullies rely on people being too scared to speak out.

In many ways the easier option would have been to just ignore him, taking the 'path of least resistance', that would be being submissive and just taking this rubbish.

He shouldn't have made the comment anyway!

What was he thinking? Totally inappropriate.

You're both the problem because you're blaming her and minimising his behaviour

• he thinks he'll be fine and just get a slap on the wrist
• it's a male dominated industry (inference- she should make allowances and know what she's getting into)
• She appered highly strung (blame her bitchy and bot docile mood)
• I'd be grateful if that's all that happened to me.

How about shelving your selfishness for a moment and being grateful that we live in a society now where women don't need to tolerate your husbands piggish bullshit.

The world hasn't gone mad. Fuck your husband.

Can you explain why women need to expect to tolerate a man mentioning them having sex in the workplace? Is the employer paying them for that?

Is he getting enough at home OP?

Or do you not want to answer because that's not silly banter and not what you came here for?