DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Quite sexist of you to criticise a man's poor choice of wording in the workplace whilst happy to use vulgar language yourself.

You can tell it's school holiday 🙄

And another one with a filthy mouth!

Utter bollocks

Still waiting to find out what was funny about his comment 😬

Vulgar language from someone criticising a man over his vulgar language.

Your husband is a complete prick. “Highly strung”? Yeah of course the woman must be having a bad day to not find this banter funny.

Do you think a professional setting is remotely the same as posting on the internet at 8pm? Do you forget what it’s like to be in public? You don’t seem to get very basic things.

He wasn’t criticised for vulgar language 🤷🏻‍♀️. He was criticised for an inappropriate sexual comment in the workplace.

Women were often sacked, sidelined or didn’t get promotion if they called out such behaviour.
Unfortunately in those days there was no one to support you.
It was a case of suck it up or find another job…..not always that easy to come by without a reference.
We can’t blame women of the past for not fighting for their rights, they did what they could in the circumstances.

Haha nice try.
Firstly, no matter how the OPs husband chose to word his statement it would still be sexual harrassment. There no way of commenting on a colleagues sex life which is acceptable.

Secondly, we’re not at work, you are not my colleague. And I have not sexually harassed you in any way.

Thirdly, the phrase ‘fuck off’ is not sexist.

Oh they are all perfect little Stepford Wives on here doncha know.. never say or do anything out of line. Always impeccably behaved at work and at home.. 🙄

It does however show a lack of intelligence having to resort to using foul language

No it fucking doesn't. Idiots think it does.

Oh I don’t remotely think every older women thinks like that, just that every poster on this thread backing up the OP’s DH has claimed to be an older woman.

This ‘sexual harassment is cool, slap my arse in a meeting’ attitude is much, much more rare in any woman I’ve ever come across under 40.

Its depressing really, it’s clearly just deep rooted misogyny in them that they need to act like degrading women is funny and if they join in on it they are cool and sexy, when the reality is these men don’t respect the women who go along with it any more than they respect the ones who view it as sexual harassment.

As others have stated, happy and highly strung don't go together, he was out of order, it seems you're saying it's not so bad as he knows her well. Wrong, at least she spoke up, how many haven't

You aren’t even making sense.

I’m an older woman and I definitely do not think like this.

😆😆 intelligent response 👌

It really depends on the previous type of friendship they have had. I’d have said this to my old boss, but then we both have a silly sense of humour, both knew too much about the other’s personal life and sent/ send each other funny and sometimes rude and professionally inappropriate reels on Instagram etc. Basically we both have too many receipts on each other to go to HR 🤣👍🏻 Most people I worked with- absolutely not! So it really depends on who in my opinion.

Someone of the opposite sex I doubt I’d have said this to as well- it could come across as flirtatious or just plain sleazy. If a man had said this to me who I spoke to on a superficial and professional way then I wouldn’t have liked it one bit. I wouldn’t have involved HR but I’d have definitely been gossiping and slagging him off to fellow female colleagues who I knew well unless they had a pretty quick realisation on how inappropriate it was the moment they said it and apologised quickly. I’d also wonder if they’d watched the latest Bridget Jones film and had made an unfunny attempt at copying that (it’s repeated numerous times as a funny moment). Sort of thing that’s funny in a film but that would go down like a fart in a lift in real life.

Best hand back my PhD then …

oh wait. There is no correlation between swearing and intelligence so it’s all okay 👌

I work in academia, a sector which has been rife for sexism and misogyny. Thankfully there are both male and female academics and colleagues who continue to work hard to ensure that women embarking on a career in academic aren’t subject to the same sexist crap that used to be the norm.
There is NO place for sexual harassment in the workplace. If that means you need to rein in your ‘banter’ so be it. Save it for home.

It's banter.

And it's a damn sight more intelligent than a single word that's come from you. Did "be quiet" merit an "intelligent response" in your book?