DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Ignore her, she's just looking to rile you up. Pathetic.

You could try ‘are you ok?’

All over
I wouldn’t comment if I haven’t been reading it for ages on this thread. ( I saw one had been deleted a few pages back a while ago )

If you can’t see it I really can’t be responsible for that. Nor do I need homework thanks.

Im sorry you and weary are upset by my comments.
I find all forms of discrimination offensive……
Maybe that’s just me.I hope not.

Yet we're arguing over a woman who couldn't stand up to a man and tell him to get lost and went to HR instead. Are we feeble or are we strong and equal?

Sexual harassment is illegal this has nothing to do with being a “snowflake.”

What was said constitutes sexual harassment, and an investigation will likely confirm that. If the individual involved continues to deny any wrongdoing, he may well face consequences, including the loss of his job, something neither he nor his wife may find amusing.

If it was an honest mistake, proper training and accountability should be the next step.

young women starting out in male dominated work places shouldn’t have to get used to it like we have - we are the ones who should have the power in the work place and the confidence to say that it isn’t acceptable and make sure the workplace isn’t uncomfortable for young women.

Brava! @123ZYX

In the normal world this situation isn’t about winning - does every social action need a winner? I’m interested why you assume the men would turn nasty in this situation - sounds very sexist.

Again, what exactly is ageist about calling out someone abusing the power dynamic in the workplace?
You seem to take personal offence because he’s old.
A sexual comment in the workplace is wrong on one count. A sexual comment while manipulating the power imbalance in the workplace is wrong on two counts. That isn’t ageism.

But what the husband said shouldn’t count as sexual harassment that’s the point.

She probably thought that her saying ‘fuck off you sleazy twat’ wouldn’t really bother him, but that a formal warning from HR would 🤷🏻‍♀️. Men who make sleazy comments like that don’t tend to act all contrite when women call them out on it, in my experience. A warning from HR will probably have more of an effect.

He broke company policy and sexual harassment laws, why shouldn’t she take further? Really struggling to see how you’re making it out like this woman is in the wrong for following their very normal workplace procedure.

So why shouldn’t unwanted sexual comments in a professional setting constitute sexual harassment?

Why isn’t it sexual harassment or an inappropriate sexual comment?

We've not seen eye to eye so far but I can see where you're coming from here. Banter could mean that you are OK with that type of comment and would potentially lead to further remarks being made. A withering look, a sharp comment 'Don't you ever speak to me like that!' or something similar let's the other person know straight away that they've over stepped and (hopefully) puts an end to further remarks.

Reporting him IS standing up to him.

Maybe that’s how it works in your world.

In my world shaped by training and 30 years of professional experience this absolutely qualifies as sexual harassment.

And in the actual legal and workplace context, this kind of behavior is illegal. It’s pretty straightforward: if Op's husband doesn’t want to respect company standards, he’s free to leave, or he’ll be asked to.

As does a report to HR.

Disingenuousness alert ⚠️ 📢 😅

True

I've chosen the wording on my gravestone - REPORT THE SHIT OUT OF THE BASTARDS, SISTERS!

I think it's safe to say that she hadn't got any!

Oh dear @CircleBaker , do you perhaps the problem was that she didn’t actually “get any” the night before? Hence why she was so uptight and reported him for it?

Im with you OP, it’s just joking and he’s the kind of guy I’d love to work with. Sense of humour is seriously lacking in the world these days.

Ha! That’s what I just said 😂😂

There are laws that deal with this and it's not a matter of personal opinion.

Definition of sexual harassment
Under the Equality Act 2010, sexual harassment is defined as unwanted conduct of a sexual nature that has the purpose or effect of violating a person's dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or offensive environment.

Examples of sexual harassment
This can include but is not limited to the following:

• Unwanted touching or groping
• Sexual comments or jokes
• Displaying sexually explicit pictures or content
• Sending sexual emails or messages
• Inappropriate or suggestive remarks
• Repeatedly asking someone out on dates after being refused

Who is protected
Anyone who experiences sexual harassment in a work, service, or educational setting is protected. This includes:

• Employees and job applicants
• Students
• Customers or service users

Employers' legal responsibilities
Employers have a legal duty to protect employees from sexual harassment at work. They must take reasonable steps to prevent it, investigate complaints fairly and promptly, and provide policies and training. If they fail to act, they can be held vicariously liable for the actions of their employees.

How to take action
Employees can take the following steps:

• Report the incident to their employer or HR department
• Raise a grievance internally
• File a claim to an employment tribunal, usually within three months of the incident
• It is not necessary to have explicitly said no for something to be considered harassment. If the conduct is unwanted, that is enough.

Legal remedies
If successful in a tribunal or court:

• The offender or employer may be required to pay compensation for injury to feelings and loss of earnings
• The employer may be required to change practices or policies

Additional laws that may apply
The Protection from Harassment Act 1997 may apply outside the workplace, including in cases of stalking or repeated harassment
Some acts of sexual harassment may be criminal offences under criminal law, such as assault, upskirting, or stalking

You must be fun.