DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Blimey, you can’t say anything these days! It’s political correctness gone mad. I blame the feminists, they’re the ones who get their knickers in a twist over a bit of harmless cheeky banter. Mind you, you probably can’t even say knickers these days without being accused of sexual harrassment. The world’s gone bananas!

Yes Like OPs dh,but not banter!
and yet so many people on here are making ageist comments whilst also pointing out OPs dh was very wrong in what he did.

Thats so hypocritical …….
Lets learn to treat all with respect.

Male banter of this sort doesn't translate into a 21st century mixed workplace. He needs to apologise profusely, say he had learnt from the incident and promise it won’t happen again.

I really hope this is sarcasm.

I don't think that it would be OK from a younger person, but - to my aged mind - it seems so much worse coming from an older person.

I'm having difficulty articulating this: it seems to me that in a work environment, an older person who has possibly been with the firm much longer has a bit of dominance.

Maybe this is my problem rather than anyone else's, but as a young woman at work I would have found it much easier to slap down or report a young man who made such a comment.

As I said, I'm having difficulty in articulating this and possibly another person wouldn't have had the same lack of confidence as a young woman. I'm 65 now, but I remember what I was like as a young woman.

So they say something sexist, you respond in anger, they turn nasty. I'd like to see how women can win in this situation.

Whatever. Of course, you know best

Nothing ageist about finding it disgusting that someone several times your age is making sexual comments to you in the workplace.
It’s grim when someone your age does it, it’s grim and predatory and than likely an abuse of power when some creepy fucking old man does it.

Stop trying to silence women by throwing this utter nonsense back at them.

This backs up my point of this humour is one the lowest form of humour

I work in what is probably the most male area in one of the most male dominated sectors in the world (I can’t say much more as it will be very outing as it’s a small industry with so few women and can’t name change as posted already!). Despite this my colleagues somehow refrain from making stupidly offensive comments.

edited for a typo

Complaining about sexist and social comment s on the workplace is not ‘heavy policing’. Women who refuse to accept sexual comments in the workplace are not trouble makers. The women are not at fault here.

The OPs husband make an inappropriate sexual comment. It’s not the woman’s fault, it’s his. Stop with the victim blaming.

I think we can safely conclude the OP has got exactly what they wanted from this thread

I didn't say it in the workplace. It would have been wildly inappropriate. I said it on the street to a line of builders I had never set eyes on before who thought it would be fun to heckle a lone woman on her way to buy a sandwich at lunchtime from the safety of their scaffolding plank.

Treating people differently or expecting something different just because of their age is discrimination based on age.

Please tell me you are joking ….

funnily enough, I manage to get through my working day without referencing my colleagues underwear or sex life.

I am deadly serious. 🧐

Good for her. This is 2025, not 1975.

If someone said that to me in work I would go mad. I’m 50 not some clueless kid. It is massively out of order.

No it wouldn't, but it's worse coming from an older person who is likely to be more senior, as they a)should definitely know better b)as likely to be a senior member of staff there is more responsibility to set a positive example c)there is a power imbalance when said from a more senior to a less senior member of staff, an expectation that they may just 'take it' or be more scared to say something/report.

Imagine getting this fucking worked up and offended because someone calls out an old creep for being a predatory old creep.

This. Maybe she’s just had enough now.

Man makes sexist/inappropriate comment. Woman can: ignore, in which case he'll turn up the heat to get a response. Respond in kind, which will encourage him to continue. Respond in anger, which will make him aggressive in return. Report to HR, which will bring all the misogynists down on her like a ton of bricks.

WHAT'S THE FUCKING ANSWER, APOLOGISTS???!!!

Agree
As soon as I walk onto site all the guys put their tops on and someone shouts
“No swearing”

I think I must be quite scarey……….I don’t have a problem with that. 😁

It really isn't worse coming from an older man (speaking from first hand experience). Comments like the one the OP's husband made are bad, regardless of age, and demonstrate a total lack of respect for women.

It's not a highbrow comment, I agree. However, in context, it allowed me to reclaim my bit of the street from a group of cowardly builders.