DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

If someone has difficulty understanding that I wouldn't want to share a workplace with them.

Oh get a grip 🙄

It's not the 1970s any more and we no longer have to deal with men making vulgar comments about our sex lives in a professional setting. Sorry not sorry if that makes me woke and modern.

@IdaGlossop that is totally cringey said to anyone other than your sexual partner, even outside work. And wildly wildly inappropriate in the workplace.

My HR team is great - they're always looking to maintain a just culture and avoid any undue exercise of power. I don't know where you work - probably nowhere! 😅

Words are hard, no one said it was sexist, it’s sexually inappropriate though and not suitable for the workplace. No one should have to put up with comments like that from some old creepy man when they’re just there to do a job.

It’s really not. And if you’re unsure, the vast majority of work places will have training dedicated to teaching people what is and isn’t appropriate to say.
General rule of thumb… nothing racist, ableist, sexist, misogynistic or sexual. If you really feel you can’t live without making those sorts of comments, just remember not to do it at work.
It’s not all that complicated.

The OP won't be back as she's probably busy cooking the sexist dinosaur his dinner.

Go on then point them out.

Maybe bring up your DDs to stand up for themselves and recognise the difference between a man having a laugh and threatening behaviour rather than misandrists. Dont feed into the divide and conquer rhetoric - that’s the best thing to do for your DDs - learn critical thinking

I think OP is the bloke in question given the type of language being used. Total knobhead

Oh yes, I'm getting hysterical, right? Perhaps I'm on my period? I've not been getting any? 😅

Or she’s found people who aren’t misandrists to talk to

Highly strung?? This is like saying they nag - sexist and misogynistic language

That's when you report it.

At first you OR a colleague that overhears tells the person the comments are inappropriate making a note of when you did this. Then if they continue one or preferably both of you report them to HR. The equality act means you can say you are distressed/feel unsafe about the comments even if you are a bystander who witnesses the comments.

Both myself and DP have recently had issues around inappropriate comments of a different kind. Funnily both of us had to do mandatory equalities training on different companies so was made aware that bystanders can complain.

If you are 'all bit retired' and assuming your DH is a similar age, this is even worse coming from a creepy older man. Double yuck 🤮

To be fair, you're being a bit melodramatic so.....

I assumed you meant it’s the older generation at fault.

@DrPrunesqualer - definitely not the older generation at fault. When I was on the receiving end of a similar comment, the 'offender' was in his late 20's.

My DH is in his 60's. He'd never say anything like that. It just wouldn't cross his mind to be so disrespectful and sleazy.

I still hope the OP's husband joins her soon in her retirement so that the female colleague who was on the receiving end of his vile comment doesn't have to endure him for much longer.

On what planet does expecting a work environment to be free from male colleagues talking about you being fucked mean you lack either resilience or humour? It’s not even a little bit funny - laughing betrays a lack of humour rather than the other way around. How “resilient” do women need to be in the workplace? Women can put up with sleazy misogynistic behaviour but under the law (and company policy) we don’t actually have to. The woman hasn’t had a mental breakdown over it - she’s just reported it through the appropriate channel as per normal policy.

My dd at 18 left an interview when the interviewer made a joke about rape. I didn’t think she should laugh or pick meee her way into such a shitty environment because I don’t think my dd is a trash human who is just there for creeps to talk about fucking with. She is very funny and very resilient but she has self worth too and doesn’t want to work with man talking about her being fucked. Why would she?

Agree
This brave new world is far from perfect when women are too scared to ask for a toilet that excludes men.
Lets face it
There’s scared women on MN threads about this issue all the time!

Not that long ago women would have have been within their rights to throw them out of woman’s toilets

We have a very very long way still to go for All women to stand up for woman’s rights

No. 'Get out of my way, you wanker.' The idiot mejn in this case were standing at first floor level on scaffolding planks. As they skuttled to the back of the building when they saw me walking back down the road, my opinion of them sunk further. The opposite of 'Pick me' with copious exclamation marks.

Another ageist comment
Would this comment be OK from a younger person.

A friend commented to a colleague that she was in a rather nice restaurant at the weekend and in walked a person, barely dressed, boobs hanging out of a tiny top and skirt barely covering the backside. She has a warning on her file now. Which rule would you say she broke?

I’m thinking this is a half term laugh thread
and we’ve all been drawn in 🙃

It was just a bit of "banter" like the OP's DH's comment.

Tbh half the narrative round womens rights these days is framed in a way which always makes women the victims and usually the answer is, if you’re this victim go to get someone to help who can rescue you. In psychological terms Men are seen as the controlling parent, women the child and institutions (within a patriarchy) as the saviour.

As women, if we want equality we do need to step up and engage with the world on an adult to adult basis and not want rescuing all the time like damsels in distress.