DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Nope, I'm all good thanks. I know how to behave. I also don't get easily offended by other's behaviour.

I love workplaces where we can really rib each other and take the mickey. I've worked in a few of them and they are huge fun, fills the day with laughs and makes the day go quicker.

People know that you never cross the line to the"sex" types of jokes though. It's one place you just don't go. That's obvious. Not to your DH obviously, but to most people.

I've worked in office environments from 1979 until a few years ago so am hardly representative of the "modern worker" as you put it, but am bloody glad that this sort of stuff is being called out now. The things I had to deal with as a (very young) shop steward are hopefully in the past, but while unwanted sexual comments are still laughed off, there is a way to go.

Having said which, I think you are not getting the full picture here OP, because few people would actually report this if it were a one off from someone they knew well and liked.

Ageist?

The OP said she is near retirement age; therefore, it's not a reach to think that her DH is of a similar age.

A reasonable assumption does not equal ageism.

Whatever his age, he's a creep and the OP has low standards.

is it the 1970s

Yeah, it's not like it's obvious his comment was offensive .....oh wait, no, yes it was.
Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to not realise? I mean if you are that stupid, and you always socialise and work with people equally stupid, you might not know. In that case it's good learning for him - and for you, it seems. Always be aware that someone listening might not be as stupid as you.

This is totally okay then, just because generations ago something would be acceptable it should be okay today.

this is the poorest arguement for something being okay. This would undo many of history’s wrongs….

In other words, you don't see a problem with your sleazy husband because your standards are in the gutter.

Me too. The idea that I’d say to a colleague, hey Brian you look happy, must have got a good BJ this morning? Did you manage to send that report to accounts yesterday? Don’t forget the team meeting at 3.

I'm off to Lindisfarne in a longship to murder some monks.

@CircleBaker Same here regarding comments from both genders but like you I gave as good as I got, It was a different time. I would like to point out that also in women oriented environments, the same used to happen to the limited men that worked there trust me I used to work as an apprentice in HR in a factory environment 😳

Well exactly, I mean a grown ass woman crying to HR about a comment like that which 15 years ago the recipient would simply have made a comment back like ‘at least I’m getting some”.

This is why I usually prefer the company of men on the real world (or women who hang out in largely male environments )

All men need to do is not make sexist and misogynistic comments. Why do people talk like that’s a difficult thing for them to do?
It’s not about men being too scared to breathe … if they can’t interact with women without making sexual comments then they have a problem and it’s a problem they need to deal with, not the women they speak to.

Plenty of men and women managed to get through their day without sexually harassing people - it’s not difficult.

Sometimes I even get some all by myself! 😅

He's probably just exaggerating how well he knows her because he thinks it will make it seem less idiotic and crass.

Ooh, pick meeeee!!

I work in a fairly close team with a lot of jokes/piss-taking/ribbing/banter. It’s a stressful job and there can be a lot of black humour. I really don’t think any of the men I work with would say that. It’s just too sleazy/creepy for one thing and cringy for another. That said, I don’t think any of the women would go to HR the first time it happened - it’s an end of rope action. I suspect she’s at the end of her rope with his dumb remarks.
I’m old enough to remember when pretending to be fine with sexist older, senior blokes making remarks about fucking you was completely normalised. I’m glad younger women are not told to put up and shut up so much. It was shit working is sleazy environments.

Highly strung ? Bloody hell. Surprised he didn’t ask if it was her ‘time of the month’ what a twat.

Apologies if I misunderstood.
I read your thread to mean given dh is about to retire the workplace is rid of these sort of comments and given you mentioned age I assumed you meant it’s the older generation at fault.

My attachments quash that idea.

Or she isn’t some snowflake getting upset over a bit of chat.

I'll be illuminating some manuscripts about your exploits 👍

Here's a scenario....Someone is sat near you who has been desperately trying for a baby and all you can talk about is babies. They are sick of hearing your baby talk. Now you find yourself being spoke to about your inappropriate comments.

Not having a go at you, just putting it to you that that's how easily a conversation can turn into something else. (My example is something that I've seen happen, by the way).

So you’re happy for men to make sexual and misogynistic comments? I hope you don’t have any female relatives.

I know you probably think it makes you sound really cool not to be bothered by such things, I know a few people like you. I hate to say it but actually just comes across as a bit pathetic and out of touch.

And I imagine you think the world is a sadder place for lacking that kind of comedy gold.

Even when people thought this stuff was acceptable, it was still only funny if you were a moron.

Would those who are saying it’s ok like it if it was their daughter or son getting these remarks? If my son came home and said a colleague spoke like that to him, I’d be disgusted. If your 18 year old daughter came home and said Martin in Accounts said she looked like she must have got some last night, would you laugh and think Martin sounds a right hoot?