DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Hmm, I think that there's more to this story and maybe to the comment

How is she treated in the office in general? Is she labelled as frigid and uptight? He says she was 'highly strung' ...

That to me means she's not open to the banter from her colleagues.

My intuition says that the 'you look happy, mustve got laid' comment was an unkind dig at her, about her office persona. And that she has had enough so reported his comments.

If thats the case then good for her 🤷‍♀️

It really doesn't matter what a few silly posters on MN think, their opinions don’t override the law or workplace standards.

This kind of talk and behaviour clearly constitutes sexual harassment. Under laws in many countries, including the UK and the US, sexual harassment is illegal and considered a serious workplace issue. It includes unwelcome comments, jokes, or actions of a sexual nature that create a hostile or intimidating environment.

Reputable companies take this very seriously.

They have legal obligations to prevent and address harassment in the workplace.

Failing to do so can lead to lawsuits, reputational damage, financial penalties, and employee turnover.

That’s why responsible employers have policies in place, conduct training, and take disciplinary action when necessary not because they’re overreacting, but because the consequences of ignoring harassment are real and significant.

Minimising or excusing this behaviour doesn’t just ignore the impact on victims it also puts businesses at legal and ethical risk.

Op and her husband come across rather sleazy.

That is a completely shitty attitude.

Bloody he'll, OP, use a bit of introspection here

'Highly strung' is the second-half-of the-20th-century description for 'women who need a good seeing-too', replacing the first-half-of-the-twentieth-century 'hysterical' because they have wombs, are entirely defined by their reproductive functioning and would benefit from some time in an asylum. Go yet further back, to the Middle Ages, and post-menopausal woman were branded witches because, with their reproductive function gone, they were just too difficult to define. It's deep-rooted misogyny.

Nah,Nah turning it back on the woman.
He fucked up big time. He opened his big mouth.. own it fuckwit!!

Yea, that's pretty bad.

Holy internalised misogyny, Batman 🤢

Probably.

But some of the posts on here.

I agree. It’s grim, isn’t it? To think a comment like that is okay in the work place. 🙄

Agree with pp that I expect he has said many things before this that she has also found offensive and inappropriate!!
Im shocked you think it’s not a particularly bad thing to say at work!? In no way is this acceptable..

Maybe she was just sick of his comments and not highly strung? I bet others are glad she reported him - maybe more will?

I'm all with you @CircleBaker - your DH did nothing wrong.

They all need to lighten up and you should support him and encourage to tell HR to stick a disciplinary up their hole and their job and he should flounce off leaving them all in the shit and get another job where his bantz will be welcomed in the workplace.

I work in a very male dominated workplace, and we have a lot of good banter. However, I too would report your husband if he told me looking happy must mean I got a good seeing to the night before. What an offensive misogynistic piece of work he must be if he even thinks like that, let alone lets it slip out of his mouth!

It's probably the straw that broke the camel's back - I'm guessing she's finally had enough of the sleazebag.

I mean okay, but it wasn’t a compliment. It’s kinda gross and implying she could only be happy if a man is involved and shagging her. But go off.

I know someone who's retired from the police force and says things like this. I've told her that I feel sorry for any woman who tried to report any form of sexual assault to her.

This makes it even more important that your DH understands the context of this today and that he needs to make extra effort in the way he conducts himself - not feel like he can be a bit more slack!!

Unfortunately for your H it's not the 90's or 00's anymore.

He needs to catch up.

Me! Me! Pick me!! 🙄

There doesn't have to be more to it. It's a stupid, inappropriate, insulting, and unpleasant thing to say to anyone at any time.

Revolting. He should know better.

Another apologist.

OP, you and your husband seem eminently well suited, so that's good 😅

So you had to face sexism last century so women today should shut up and be quiet? It’s not a competition. No woman should put up with sexism of any kind ever. In a time when men have been told time and time again what’s appropriate by society?

You’re an enabler and as a woman you should be disgusted. I’m disgusted. You both sound like you’re a perfect match. I hope you don’t have daughters.