Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

[eqpi4t2hbsnktd]

More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

I think it’s along the lines of “if she slept with that friends husband then she could sleep with my husband “
It does seem your putting more on the OW
Remember the said friend can’t sleep with someone’s husband unless the husband is willing!

So the friend who told you this bit of tittle-tattle apparently knows that the husband and wife want to sort this out PRIVATELY and so tells you all about it anyway which tells me she clearly can't be trusted.

Now we know this woman is a gossip who shares other people's secrets - what are the chances you are the only person she will share this information with? Vanishingly small I would guess. And how reliable is her version of this story?

If you want to dial back your friendship with the cheater woman, that's up to you. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone but I'd be very wary of sitting in judgement the way you are. None of us would want to be judged for the worse thing we've ever done. People are complex, there are grey areas in life and you really don't know the truth of this situation.

I'm amazed that @eqpi4t2hbsnktd is getting so much stick for this.
How does any woman find it acceptable for a friend to shag her friend's husband (see also sister's husband)? That's an appalling thing to do to a friend and of course @eqpi4t2hbsnktd is right to want to distance herself from the disloyal, cheating friend.

What would be an appropriate reason?

If they had been cruel to an animal or an elderly person. If they took drugs. If I discovered they were a burglar. If they told me they were "non binary" If I discovered they enjoyed reality TV. If they bored me.
I'd ditch anyone for those reasons.
But not for just sleeping with someone!

This is what I am thinking. Is our collective moral compass so skewed that screwing over a friend is not seen as a bad thing. Potentially breaking up a family (yes, I know HE did it too... and it was HIS family....), for a shag is ok...

Lots of reasons. She doesn’t know it’s true yet, doesn’t know whether the wife wants to cut the OW off, doesn’t know if the husband has form (she says she hardly knows him) and this could be just another notch he totted up, doesn’t know what lies the husband told the OW. OP can be friends with who she likes but there is an awful lot riding on a bit of gossip here. I would definitely step back a bit from everyone though and watch this play out until things get clearer.

Not just anyone! If she slept with just anyone that would be fine. She slept with her friend's husband.

If they bored you but not slept with your sisters or brothers partner. Or your dad or ya ma or would that count as cruel to old people.

The bar is soooo low at times and that’s why people cheat. Zero consequences outside of the relationship. Not don’t get me wrong I don’t want unwed mothers shipped off to give birth and babies stolen.

But a social outcast for deceiving lying arseholes would be good. Because that’s what a cheater is. They lie and deceive people. Tricking them.

“I want to create a big attention seeking drama where everyone knows there’s a Big Secret that I know and they don’t…”

I wouldn't want to be friends with a person like that either. I would just cut her out.

A former friend mad a mass at my friend's husband when she was pregnant. Witnessed it in full. Haven't spoken since. To do that to a supposed friend, is horrible.

Tell her you know and are there as support if she needs. Then distance from the woman. I'd be telling DH personally.

I disagree with the "what about the DH" comments, I wouldn't be cutting him off unless your friend changes her mind and splits up with him. Your role is to support your friend, limiting contact with the woman could be part of that but reminders by cutting off the DH she's trying to carry on a relationship wouldn't help her.

But you know what he’s done and it’s going to always be awkward now.

If it was my friend with my husband I’d absolutely cut her off, friends should know better, especially good friends. I wouldn’t be able to get over husband’s betrayal though so he’d be gone too.

I’d just cool it with her, especially if you can’t give her the reason why, she’ll get the message.

Is that first part supposed to be in reply to ME??
I dont have siblings and my parents aren't "old" They're in their 40s and both extremely good-looking. Who knows if one or both have had affairs, they've certainly always had lots of admirers!😄

Some very strange reasons for ditching someone 😂

Again, I wouldn't care. I can't imagine dropping a friend for something like that.

I don’t know why everyone keeps going on about the husband that’s for the wife to decide how to carry on with or without him. I completely understand what your saying why would you want to be friends or have someone in your life capable of doing that honestly cut her off she’s garbage! Is there a way you can maybe use a different excuse with friend who has been cheated on like say you don’t like so and so anymore because… and see if she opens up to you ?? X

Well I'd probably find your reasons for dropping a "friend" strange. That's because we're all different.

Op is not friends with the husband, not sure why that's confusing people

Sorry, thought you were all friends, husbands and wives.

I absolutely would cut off a friend for shagging another friend’s husband. Who does that? It’s rank and demonstrates very clearly that we do not share the same values. At all. Not someone I would want in my life.
Just ignore her op. Be distant but polite. She’ll know.

Are you staying friends with the husband who cheated? If you are that stinks of double standards

I hope your friends know that you think it’s ok to shag their partners and ditch you

Again, who exactly told you in the first place? The husband, 1 of the 2 women? Or a separate friend?

This.

It took 2 of them to shag - cut one out then cut both out.