Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

[eqpi4t2hbsnktd]

More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

Well my best friend is male, and my dad is heterosexual, so unlikely. And I have no plans to ever get married if I can help it!😁

I didn't think I was being big and dramatic -the whole point was wanting to drop someone subtly.

So the single woman who made a mistake gets cut off by people, but the man who broke his marriage vows and cheated on his wife gets to keep his friends and social circle in tact? The hypocrisy is rife.

& we point fingers at the woman on gossip, without context or any evidence.

He is not my problem. He is not involved with my life or that of my family... The OW is... this is why we are discussing her... not him.

That’s between him and his friends.

Op isn’t friends with the husband. She’s friends with the wife and other women.

Op can’t punish the husband by cutting him off since they are not friends. She’s wants to support her friend the wife.

You sound like you’re jealous of the OW sex life Op. You’ve admitted you don’t like her for sleeping around and made other negative comments. How is your sex life? Are you still having sex with your husband? Maybe you’re projecting because you’re trapped in a sexless marriage and jealous she’s having more sex than you?

Why are you getting a hard time here?? Wth. This is your friend who has slept with your (and her) friends husband. Of course you should cut her out. She’s not a good person.
The husband is not a good person but he’s irrelevant as he isn’t your friend so it’s not your choice to cut him out. You can do that when your other friend comes to her senses and dumps him.
Cheating is not something I’m ok with, but cheating with a friends husband/wife is whole other level imo. Your poor friend.
Personally I would tell your cheating friend you know. What’s she likely to do? I would also want your other friend to know you know and support her. Is she likely to take it really bad that you know? Surely the cheating friend will withdraw from the group anyway?

How did you upon hearing the gossip news not immediately ring your husband and tell him?

I would have spilled the beans straight away. "You'll never guess who Jim's been shagging..."

But what form of support would you be giving if you don't know much about her husband? Once your friend says something then you'll be pushed to give an opinion. Which will be either 'its that tarts fault, he stood no chance of resisting, poor man' or 'he's a knob ditch him"

That's exactly what the person I was quoting said.

OP is just asking for advice for how to cut this friend, who she has obviously been very close to out of her life. Yet on here it seems she is completely overdramatic for doing that.

She has also got digs about cutting out the husband who is not her friend and had people imply her 'overreaction' must be because there is problems in her marriage.

But what form of support would you be giving if you don't know much about her husband? Once your friend says something then you'll be pushed to give an opinion. Which will be either 'its that tarts fault, he stood no chance of resisting, poor man' or 'he's a knob ditch him"

I could have the most amazing sex life... or none at all... or somewhere in between...
It's not really the point.

Do you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall OP? I can understand why you want to ditch the OW. Do you know if the person who told you has told anyone else?

I don’t get this thread at all. I think some posters just want to be contrary for the sake of it. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who fucked our other friends husband either! The husband would be on my shit list too but you already said that he’s not your friend. So nothing to be done there.

Depending on how close we all are supposed to be, I’d probably confront the OW friend and then cut her off. Yup, would totally insert myself. If you don’t want to make a fuss, fair enough and just ghost her. No need to explain yourself and you don’t owe anyone your friendship.

What if you are being lied to?

I mean I can openly tell my friend her husbands a twat and that his scum for doing that to her but I love her as my friend and I support her in trying to work though it but his still a knob and if he does it again she wants to take him for every penny and shag his best mate / brother (both single) 😂

Don’t have to mention the other women unless you want to.

She said she had not told anyone else. I believe her...

Does your friend whose husband has cheated know about this or not? If she does know surely she won't want to see the friend who slept with her husband
If she doesn't know but you do and one other friend AND the woman who slept with the husband then someone needs to tell the wife!!

But the OP has been clear - she is not friends with the husband. I can see that, I have good friends where I don’t regularly see their DHs. Not everyone’s social lives are all dinner parties as couples.

The problem the OP has is her friendship with the OW. Too many posters are focused on a non-existing problem - the OP doesnt have a friendship with the husband to worry about.

The OP might need to reassess if her social life suddenly changes to one where they are always doing things as couples, and she has to decide how she’s going to deal with the husband, but if the OP says she barely says hello to the man now, it’s reasonable to assume she’s not lying and so doesn’t really need to think about how she’s going to address this.

Can we all go back to helping her answer the actual problem she has? Not one we think she should have that would take priority should it exist.

OK think I'm catching up. If other friend told you, she's not reliable she will blab to others.

Eta, tell that other woman you heard she snagged so and sos husband and your horrified and can't believe she did that to a friend. Direct and that's that.

The friend that told you - how did she find out? Did someone tell her in confidence? In which case she is not to be trusted is she? If the OW is a family friend and your children get along then it is going to be harder to drop her especially without explanation.

I’ve had a similar situation years ago. Turned out a friend of mine was sleeping with a mutual friend’s partner. We all knew him - I thought he was up his own arse but didn’t put him down as a cheat, but he was. They were seen and friend admitted it (quite happily, actually).

I told my (shagging) friend that I thought it was shit behaviour and I no longer wanted to spend time with her. She wasn’t happy about it, but hey ho.

cheated-on friend tried to give it another go with partner but inevitably it didn’t work out.

I’m glad I made my thoughts known.

In don’t think you’re making the wrong call, OP. I also don’t think it’s wrong to tell your DP why you are cutting friend out.

Some of these comments are batshit. In a friendship group of 3 women, A B & C - if A shags B’s husband it’s entirely fine for C to say she no longer wants to associate with A. That is no friend, if she’s willing to jump on a mate’s husband. The husband is irrelevant to this discussion. And yet I’ve seen comments saying the OP is jealous of her sex life, shouldn’t be cut off for making a mistake, that’s it’s perfectly fine as she was single.

No, it’s not ok to sleep with your friend’s husband behind her back. Actions also have consequences and losing a few other friends who are rightly disgusted is par for the course.

OP, I’m a bit baffled - surely you’re not expecting the wife to keep socialising with the OW? So how is that friendship group dynamic meant to be managed without people knowing? Also, how does the person who told you know about it? Are you 100% sure it’s true?

Op, have you discussed this question with the friend who told you about the extra-marital ‘act’?