Need to ditch a friend but can't tell her or anyone else why!

[eqpi4t2hbsnktd]

More of a WWYD..
I just found out that a mutual friend has shagged another mutual friend's husband. Husband then told his wife and they are working through things very privately.
I was told in confidence and do not intend to tell anyone.
However, I no longer what to be friends with the woman who shagged someone else's husband... I no longer trust or respect her.
How do I cut her off without telling my DP what she's done?

If you cut the friend off you need to cut him off too, he’s the one who did the dirty on his wife and betrayed her.

Is it really your place to 'do' anything? I would unknow this immediately.

I am not really friends with the husband so I don't really need to cut him off.

How do you cut off someone who isn’t your friend anyway.

It's just nuts to suggest that a single person is justified in having sex with whomever takes they fancy. Normal people have values, loyalties, friendships, empathy. Who'd choose them as friends otherwise?

Just say no - don't engage or agree to meet up. "Sorry, I'm busy that day" etc. She'll work it out and you'll have said nothing.

Flipping it - I had a female long-standing friend who decided that I was shagging someone. I wasn't, I wouldn't and he's just a (MUCH younger) friend. I have a DH - who thankfully saw the "funny side", but the friend got dumped like a bad habit the minute I found out what she was saying. No "chat about it" etc. Just dumped. She knows.

No, you've misunderstood previous comments. OP was judging her friend's previous "form" for "shagging" anyone, but she said sleeping with a married man is new. So, OP had previously considered she had "form" for being a single woman with a sex life.

What a silly reason to stop being friends with someone!

Really?

If you know everyone knows, just tell your bloody husband, the person who told you in confidence didn’t keep the secret.

then take a step back from the lot of them.

Just distance yourself from both affair partners as much as possible. Carry on as normal. Stay out of it.

It won't be long before this blows up the entire friend group anyway! How many other people has this trusted friend told this confidential news to?

Yeah I was judging her for sleeping around... that is true. And that is bad of me. Single people can shag other SINGLE people whenever they like.

Yes, really. If someone was a friend, I wouldn't care in the slightest who they had a relationship with. Not my business for a start.

This thread is baffling to me. Yeah I would cut off a friend for their poor behavior as it's a reflection of their character. Peoples actions are a testament to who they are as a person.

Someone who sleeps with a friends husband is a shit person. If she can do that to a friend, she is a shit friend and one I wouldn't trust anymore.

Be sure you know enough to make this incredibly judgmental decision. You have no idea what the cheating husband (who you should be blaming) told the other woman. Yes what she did was wrong but affairs happen for all sorts of reasons. Unless you know exactly what was going on in her head and what he said to her or did before she did what she did then I would do nothing bar be cautious with her and just cool off the friendship. But I sincerely hope you are blanking the cheating husband completely!

Why not check its true first?

Behave as though you don't know. It isn't your business, presumably you only heard about it through a third party, therefore hearsay and may not be true or may have been a drunken kiss or flirtation, since regretted. You've been told the couple are working through it, leave them to it.

I had a ‘friend’ say ‘I know what’s going on’ head tilt. I’d been seen in town with a handsome family friend! What’s the expression a lie is around the world before the truth has its boots on…DH & I thought hilarious. Sadly said more about ‘friend’s’ relationship than my own as it transpired.

Baffling to me too! Why would people be friends with someone they know is not a good person / friend?

I don't think anyone's said OP shouldn't cut friend off, if that's what she wants. It's the level of drama that's OTT.

How?

Really? What about if your best friend shagged your husband? Or your dad? Totally groovy chick cool with that right?

You don’t need to be all big and dramatic about it. Just unfollow her on FB (rather than de-friend) Same with any other social media. And then just don’t make much effort with her. If what you’ve heard is true, it’s best to let the cheater try and work on it with his poor wife (the deluded fool) 🤷‍♀️

What has OPs relationship got to do with this?

I think it’s crystal clear - she doesn’t want to be friends with the sort of person who will shag a friends husband ! Nothing to do with her own relationship, it’s the fact of not wanting to be friends with someone as low as that! I would be the same.

Yes everyone is aware it takes two to tango but OP is not friends with the husband anyway , so no friendship to cut off.

Are people really so bothered about the woman “ taking all the blame” that they think it’s ok to criticise OP for not wanting to be friends with someone with no morals .