Is this normal in your household ?

[littleweedandherflowers]

If a man has flu he gets the day off work just like that ! But if the sahp feels really unwell they just have to muddle through ! Is this normal in other households ? I feel absolutely horrendous less then two weeks till I have baby and I’ve got either a really nasty cold or flu! I don’t expect him to stay home all the time I just feel Awful!
I asked partner if he could ask for the day off given that I need to rest as much as I can and be well to have our baby and he was adamant no his boss wouldn’t let him however i remember him being “ sent home “ for a cold many months ago ! How is it fair ? I’m just having a moan whilst I struggle to get out of bed to have a fun filled day with my little ones! X

Flu yes cold no. Flu you won't be able to get out of bed a cold stick a film on give the kids the iPad for the day order mcdonalds ignore the housework whatever it takes to get through the day.

Nope, not normal in my house at all. I had fully elective cosmetic surgery and was off my feet for about two weeks and my husband didn’t blink an eye, made me food every day before he went to work, did everything with the kids and round the house. He’s not the man flu type at all, the opposite in fact.

But he went to work, he didn't hang around the house to take care of the kids for 2 weeks. So not the same situation at all.

I feel absolutely terrible! I’m lucky I have my mum to be honest ! Partner is the type to go and do his hobby days after I’ve had surgery left me on my own that time! I just thought given I’ve got less than two weeks he’d be going out of his way to make sure I’m better and rested ! Once my mum is up she’ll come round with no hesitation I just ache all over ! Any time I’ve had reduced movements or needed to be checked it’s been such an ordeal for him so I’m feeling very resentful at the. Moment x

No he took the first 4/5 days off too.

It's not unreasonable for you to need support but the day off will need to be either unpaid or emergency annual leave where I work.

The difference is you can do the bare minimum, lie on the sofa for some of the time while the kids are watching tv and order in takeaway. Forget the housework.
In the workplace you have no choice but to just crack on or be off sick. There’s no half way

Oooh this is tricky. He can't take the day off sick because you're sick! And he shouldn't lie.

He might be able to say it was for childcare, but urgent childcare days off would typically be unpaid parental leave. It would have to be a really extreme situation with no solution though, rather than you feeling rough and tired.

But why are you risking infecting your mum?

Won't you need her help for childcare when you're in labour?

I assume you have a child already as you said SAHP.

My dp rarely takes a day off as he is self employed. When the kids were younger, if I was ill the expectation would be that I would just lie low on the sofa and they’d watch a lot of tv.

Are you expecting your husband to lie and take sick leave? Or to ask for a last minute day of annual leave or unpaid leave - these can be declined by his manager. Or to use emergency dependant’s leave - this can’t be declined but can be unpaid.

I don't suppose there's any point in asking why you decided to have another baby together? 🤷‍♀️

I've never worked anywhere where it would be acceptable to take a day off because your partner has a bad cold. If they were hospitalised as an emergency or having surgery then you might be able to claim time off for looking after dependents but I don't think it's realistic to expect the WOH partner to have time off work any time the SAH partner feels under the weather.

No, it's not like that in our house. Dh is self employed
I wish DH would take time off when he is ill but he just won't. However late last year he was desperately poorly with flu/ covid / whatever and was forced to have 5 days in bed and slept all the way through it. No one had ever known him to be ill before.

When I was feeling ill when the children were small most days I would plough on but dh would cut his working day and come home early so I could rest snd he would take over.

When I've been really ill and needed to be in bed or if I've been in hospital he would take time off and when I was feeling a bit better but not perfect he would sort out child care, usually his sister would help us.

Just to add more perspective - surely he has paternity leave booked in a couple of weeks so can't really miss more work right now in anticipation?

If at all possible he did - was not always possible though

you don’t aim for a fun filled day - you aim to get through with a telly day and head to bed the moment he is through the door

I was a single parent and just had to get on with it.

He was sent home from work when he was ill because he was ill and had time off under his work's sickness/absence policy.

When my children were young and I was ill, I didn't worry about having a fun filled day with the little ones. We binge watched Disney films and they ate cheese and crackers non stop while I dozed on the sofa.

My (ex)husband never once took time off work because I was ill. Not because he was an arsehole but because it didn't occur to either of us that he would. He did come home from work on one occasion when he was shocked and told me I should have called him to come back because I was so ill but I wouldn't have expected him to.

But I'm also wondering why, if you already know he's the type to go out to his hobby when you've just had surgery, and you're not happy with that, you've gone on to have multiple children with him. You refer to 'little ones' so this current pregnancy must be the third at least.

We both tend to get on with it unless really unwell, I had what was either flu or COVID recently and it completely wiped me out my head was so painful I needed to just lay in the dark and quiet, my whole body ached, I haven't had time off sick for years other than a planned surgery a few years back, but I was off work a week. DH did school runs, dinners, went to work etc, he was floored by a sickness bug last year , DS too so I picked up the slack (and lots of extra laundry)

We wouldn't take time off work because the other was ill at home.
Even when I had my surgery DH made sure I had everything I needed before he went, flask of tea, water bottle, snacks, even made me a little packed lunch box so I didn't have to go up and down stairs but he went in, as I would've.

That would be unpaid leave.

Why did you think he'd be going out of his way to make you feel better when there's no previous evidence to support this? He seems selfish and didn't look after you before

Unless you’re too unwell to get out of bed and care for the children, then I would expect him to go to work as normal but he should set things up for you to make the day as easy as possible.

I think it would depend on the age of the older children. If they are toddlers with maximum mobility and minimal sense, then I think more help while the sahp is in poor shape is needed.

I’m a sahm. If I have flu/covid and properly ill the DH was just take over and I would give the kids a cuddle before bed. His employer is very supportive and value employees. My DH has a lot of flexibility so if I had a bad cold he could pick up a few school runs.