Is this normal in your household ?

[littleweedandherflowers]

If a man has flu he gets the day off work just like that ! But if the sahp feels really unwell they just have to muddle through ! Is this normal in other households ? I feel absolutely horrendous less then two weeks till I have baby and I’ve got either a really nasty cold or flu! I don’t expect him to stay home all the time I just feel Awful!
I asked partner if he could ask for the day off given that I need to rest as much as I can and be well to have our baby and he was adamant no his boss wouldn’t let him however i remember him being “ sent home “ for a cold many months ago ! How is it fair ? I’m just having a moan whilst I struggle to get out of bed to have a fun filled day with my little ones! X

She’s not in hospital though…

Thank you for your replies! I think to be fair he’s bring an arse and the fact he couldn’t even ask his boss yesterday annoyed me, he’s very much “ I’m the most important “ because he is the one earning however we do get a top up of uc so it’s not all on him if that makes sense, if he was unwell he’d have the day off without any questions!
I felt better throughout the day I did have a slight temperature in the night so will do a Covid test to be on the safe side, when I mentioned to him I’d take one I got very talked down to “ it’s not Covid it’s just a cold no one does them tests anymore “
I also asked him to take me to the hospital because I thought my waters had leaked and he wouldn’t run me there or have our kids so I could go alone, said it’s probably just sweat then went on to say he’s having his car fixed today at work and the mechanic said not to drive it far so he can’t use his car to get me there ! Last night he was going to play his hobby 11 miles away the hospital is 16 miles away so that just goes to show where his priorities lie! I’ve also had a few episodes of reduced movement and every time he’s told me I don’t need to go in I just need to “ relax “ It’s not just about work he is genuinely uncaring towards me ! X

If its the same virus I'm suffering with, totally sympathise, its horrid. Sore throat for days then snot and a cough, generally uck.

I have wfh through it as managed to get DC to nursery but have wondered how I keep going.

As you aee expecting, please contact your midwife for advice on both the virus and low movements as you probably should get checked out.
Glad mum is sharing the load a bit.

Sorry your man isn't stepping up, some can't seem to get over themselves. Doing a hobby miles away when you are nearly due wuth baby3 is ridiculous.

Thank you for your reply!
reduced movements were checked as they happened my mum came and took me to the hospital every time, it’s his lack of thought and consideration really gets to me, he would have happily travelled to do his hobby last night but can’t go a few extra miles this morning ! He’s very self centred his mum is the same so it’s no wonder really but I didn’t expect him to be so thoughtless ! He really mocked me when I said about doing a Covid test but given how little time till I have our baby I thought I’d do one to keep others safe if I do need to go in!
hope you are feeling better soon ! Xx

We had norovirus last year. When I had it same time as the kids, I was carrying on as usual, night feeds, cleaning cooking. He expected everything to be the same as usual and suck it up. It was awful thought i was going to collapse.

Sooo match the energy. When we recovered he then came down with it. He was sleeping in, planning to sleep all day. I got him out of bed to look after kids while I worked. (I'm wfh). Just another day right..suck it up ;)

Realistically cold and the general bugs, I just have a PJ day, watch Disney from bed with a platter of snacks. But really bad illness, like surgery recovery, can't move etc I feel that support is health and safety with very little kids.

YABU to ask him to take a day off work in this instance.

However, I think this instance of you being unwell is the least of your problems by the sounds of it. He sounds like a self absorbed prick.

Honestly being so close to having a baby is more reason not to take time off. You'll need him more when baby is here than when you've got a cold. But he sounds generally useless. If he's been like this the last 7 odd years I can't imagine why you'd have another baby with him!

Well enough to post on Mumsnet

I also asked him to take me to the hospital because I thought my waters had leaked and he wouldn’t run me there or have our kids so I could go alone, said it’s probably just sweat then went on to say he’s having his car fixed today at work and the mechanic said not to drive it far so he can’t use his car to get me there ! Last night he was going to play his hobby 11 miles away the hospital is 16 miles away

Why do you keep having children with this poor excuse for a man?

I’m sorry - I don’t have any sympathy for you, you’ve actively chosen to have another baby with this man.

Why more children with this useless idiot?

I disagreed with your initial post but from the updates, my god how is this even a human being let alone a husband

Because he's a 'great dad' of course!

Your eldest is seven? You’ve known for years how useless he is unless this is a very recent development. Stop having kids with him!

If you’ve got actual flu then there is no way you’d be able to go to work or perform less than the absolute bare minimum at home. You’ll probably be wiped out for up to a week.

if you have a bad cold, then you just soldier on.

No! Im a SAHP and when I have a level 5+ migraine, he knows he has to rearrange. It's about the kids being safe AND me getting better quicker. I used to be a teacher, so I always judge it as 'would I call in sick today?' , if the answer is yes, he has to sort it out.

On the occasion he can't, the kids have the iPad pretty much all day. And it's a novelty because we don't use it at all (yet - they're still young!!).

This is how passive aggressive he can be! He sent me this message a minute ago!
I’ve had no support from him the whole pregnancy, any reduced movements or checks I’ve had to have he’s huffed at or glared into space because I’ve asked him to take me or have our kids so I can go and get checked !
i tidy the house and he leaves stuff lying around as if it’s not been tidied
I put rules into place so our kids are brought up respectful he goes out of his way to make sure I’m undermined
he’s not helped get anything ready for our baby yet will go and help his mum and then I get this text ! I am utterly exhausted still feeling sick carrying big a nasty cold on top of that ! I’m doing my best ! I’m so annoyed

And fwiw I am shitting myself I’m having a c section and I am worried, worried it’ll go wrong, worried about leaving my other kids and them needing me, worried about recovery especially as I have no support from him !! Sorry to rant I don’t know what else to do

Why the fuck did you have another baby with him, then?

I know that but why say childcare isn’t his companies problem? Doesn’t make sense, parents need to take time off if needs must. I’ve had viruses and struggled to walk when I was pregnant and my partner had to take time off. Never did we think let’s phone an emergency nanny!

Home is a workplace too, unless you are suggesting that taking care of small children and cooking and cleaning and laundry are not work.

Cmon. You're deliberately missing the point that you can't lie down in your PJs and put on a TV programme at work lol. Of course there comes a point when you can no longer function at work AND at home but the acceptable bar is much, much lower at home in most cases.

I imagine he’s always been that way and didn’t decide during your pregnancy that he’s a selfish arse.

It’s a good time to reset expectations and start communicating your needs.

@littleweedandherflowers why on earth do you keep having babies with this man?

presumably, he just didn't become disinterested during the course of this pregnancy?

I would sort out contraception after birth and look to return to work in a years time.

This in spades. For me, with someone like him, being a SAHM would be untenable, because I would want to leave him. He doesn’t give af about your welfare. Or the children’s, really, if he’s willing to leave them in the care of someone unwell without doing any prep.

During the one day I had at home with DD while pregnant, on maternity leave, and the one day a week at home I now have with DS, if I’m ill/incapacitated/incapable, DP has always made arrangements: from WFH that day so he can do school runs or sort lunches (hyperemesis, PGP), to taking emergency leave to do childcare when I was really ill (Covid, flu). Even on ordinary commute days when he’s off to work early and I will be too later, and we have childcare, he won’t leave the house without a basic check that we’re all OK and nothing’s awry before he’s a long train ride away and can’t help.