Is this normal in your household ?

[littleweedandherflowers]

If a man has flu he gets the day off work just like that ! But if the sahp feels really unwell they just have to muddle through ! Is this normal in other households ? I feel absolutely horrendous less then two weeks till I have baby and I’ve got either a really nasty cold or flu! I don’t expect him to stay home all the time I just feel Awful!
I asked partner if he could ask for the day off given that I need to rest as much as I can and be well to have our baby and he was adamant no his boss wouldn’t let him however i remember him being “ sent home “ for a cold many months ago ! How is it fair ? I’m just having a moan whilst I struggle to get out of bed to have a fun filled day with my little ones! X

I get that he can’t take time off work, but he should pick up the slack when he gets home.

This👆

Yes my partner would take the day off.

Yours is simply unwilling.

This is exactly what Dependents Leave is for.

Well he would lose his wage for the day, you don’t get paid for being a SAHM. How many kids do you have?

I'd advise you also return to work after this baby because clearly he doesn't value your SAHP role and you're at risk of becoming more dependent on a man who doesn't see childcare as his responsibility.

Oh well everyone should then! Some people can’t just get on with it and can become extremely physically and mentally unwell trying to

Who will be cooking dinner tonight? Bet it won't be him

It's easy enough to say this but some people literally have no choice but to look after children, even with flu.

Sorry, what do you mean by

"He would lose his wage for the day" and

"How many kids do you have?" - I think you mean "How many kids do you both have together?"

If she's that ill she needs her mum, she's that ill that forgoing the family wage is a joint decision. She's ill therefore she cannot do childcare. Which means he has no childcare to go to work.

Do people actually do this? An emergency nanny? Never heard of this in my life and I know it would be traumatic for my children being left with a stranger. It’s his childcare not just hers! And a lot of parents need to take time off work to look after their children, that’s life. What would he do if she was in hospital?

Partner is the type to go and do his hobby days after I’ve had surgery left me on my own that time!

But here you are still with him & having another kid!

Yes ! You can’t take a day off from work you don’t have a job!
he can take a sick day when he’s not well because he has a job!
he could be more helpful and supportive but he can’t take sick leave when you are sick!

Well if you phone in sick you’re not going get paid for having time off, are you? That’s pretty easy to understand.

No, I mean what I said. I don’t need to you to police and try and correct what I’ve asked. If OP is that ill she should be in hospital. Why does she need her mum? Unless her mum is a doctor or nurse or baby sitter.

Some responses are really weird here. If you are really unwell then of course your partner could take unpaid parental/carers leave if you are physically unable to do the caring for your kids yourself. however I get that some companies may be funny about this, I'm lucky that my partner's boss has been very understanding. Has only happened on a couple of occasions but he took at least 1 day off when I was on mat leave because I had a stomach bug and couldn't look after baby and took a couple slightly more planned days off when I was very ill with morning sickness in my 2nd pregnancy. However if your mum can come round and help then I'd power through until she can rather than your husband take time and only really use him taking time off if there is no other option. Totally get how rubbish it is to feel awful while heavily pregnant and looking after kids - hope you feel better soon

Because being at home isn't the same as being at work, even if you have children at home. If I had a really bad cold, I found it a million times easier being at home with my dc when they were little than being at work! I guess it partly depends what the job is.

A good husband would set up everything at home as much as possible..dress kids..make lunch.

He would then at least ASK if he could work from home or take urgent annual leave day. Or go in late and make up time later in the week

At the start of the year I was up all night vomiting.

I messaged my partner because our child had a therapy appointment they needed to attend and I was afraid I was too sick to drive.

My partner could have stayed home from work and used personal leave or he could have worked from home.

He ignored my message, went to work and sent an “oops I just saw this” message from the office (which I knew was a lie). Then he stayed out late that night and went drinking.

I somehow managed to look after our child all day. I lay on the couch with an eye mask on and I’m sure I passed out a few times before I took my child into therapy.

This is a guy that emails work if he’s starting ti feel under the weather and works from home if he needs a dentists appointment or a haircut.

He can use dependent leave or use a day of holiday. Not sure why that confuses you
I'm a SAHM and have actually posted about a similar situation today. It's really hard because you look after everything when they are ill but just have to deal with it when you are ill. It's rubbish
I would need to be practically on my deathbed before DH would take a day off.
I'm glad you at least have your mum to support you (I do miss mine more at times like this).

His is being unreasonable not to make lunches before he left and change and dress the 2 year old

You are being unreasonable to expect him to take unpaid parental leave 2 weeks before the birth of your third baby.

Don’t you have friends who can step in for a couple of hours? I’ve looked after a friend’s toddler for a few hours when she was poorly and she’s done the same for me. Lots of us used to do swaps like that.

I don’t think it’s that easy to take time off when someone else is poorly. Although he could be more helpful. When I’m poorly my husband does so much for us and he has terminal cancer and also works full time. I think if you enable his behaviour he’ll use it to his advantage. If he asks to go for a run or do his hobby, tell him no he needs to sort the kids out and he can go for a run when they are in bed.

no support from him what so ever

Apart from going to work to support his rapidly growing family.

How do you think single parents manage?

Colds are worse when you're pregnant because you can't blooming take anything for them!

Sorry, OP. Hang in there.

He's not kind is he - he could take a day off - he can use carers leave, emergency leave - ignore the morons on here who say otherwise - do not cook for him - just look after yourself - tell him at the weekend your staying in bed. He could step up more but he's choosing not too. I hope you have real life support op xx

If he took the day off it counts as 1 absence many workplaces will have you on absence management if you have 3 so given he's already been off himself once, has he had to take time off for reduced movement that's been put as sick pay? Maybe this would have been 3rd and he would be on absence management stress you don't need when you have your mum to help plus if you were planning a fun filled day assume it's not the flu as you cannot get out of bed with flu.
I had a serious bout of covid last year (a&e twice, multiple gp and specialist apps, x rays) I'm a single parent no local family support and it took 2 weeks of me almost begging for ex dp to take our child for an extra 2 days sometimes you just have to rely on screen time and muddle through

This nails it