Is this normal in your household ?

[littleweedandherflowers]

If a man has flu he gets the day off work just like that ! But if the sahp feels really unwell they just have to muddle through ! Is this normal in other households ? I feel absolutely horrendous less then two weeks till I have baby and I’ve got either a really nasty cold or flu! I don’t expect him to stay home all the time I just feel Awful!
I asked partner if he could ask for the day off given that I need to rest as much as I can and be well to have our baby and he was adamant no his boss wouldn’t let him however i remember him being “ sent home “ for a cold many months ago ! How is it fair ? I’m just having a moan whilst I struggle to get out of bed to have a fun filled day with my little ones! X

I have fond (haha) memories of my DH watching me vomit into the toilet whilst my 3 year old watched in fear and crying as he said good bye and fucked off out the door to work.

Not a sahm, but have teacher holidays. The most ill I've ever been was when dc were 1 and 3 and i was on half term. It was acute sinusitis + bad cold. I felt sick and the pain in my face was like nothing I've ever experienced.
Didn't even cross my mind to ask dh to stay off. I parented from the sofa and, at one point, lying on the floor so I could 'play' with the kids.

This post reads like there are bigger issues than him not taking days off because you’re sick.
I wouldn’t expect my husband to take time off work because I was sick and looking after children, unless I absolutely couldn’t function or safely
look after them. However I would expect him to make it easier for me by either going in a bit later, doing breakfast, finishing in time to do the evening routine etc.

my husband though wouldn’t go off and spend time doing hobbies a couple of days after surgery.

you’ve also said you’ve got help in the form of your mum?

If your mum if able and willing to come help out it seems sensable to avoid him having to take an unpaid day to do childcare. If you were ill to the extent you couldn't care for DC (as in couldn't keep them safe, not just to knackered to play), and didn't have other suport options, then I would expect him to take the day off, but it should be a last resort.

It's not that his illness is more important, but other people can do childcare (eg. Your mum), whereas he can't send a friend/family in to do his job.

No he hasn’t done anything like pack lunches or anything to make it easier today, I’ve been feeling really tired and sick day in day out with this pregnancy so having this on top Is just rank, he could have got our almost 2 year old changed out of his nappy and dressed and breakfast and lunch sorted but nothing ! He got up got himself ready and went ! At this point I did say to him I’m not sure how I’m going to get out of bed I felt so unwell ! Luckily my 7 year old is a sweetheart and has been so good and helpful this morning I’m feeling a little better but still not well at all ! He’ll come home later and ask if I’m well enough for him to go for a run or do his hobby ! X

This is great from him. I do think being ill, pregnant and having to look after a child is some kind of hell! Of obviously men will have NO IDEA what it’s like to be pregnant.

I think you need to be more assertive. You could have asked him to sort the toddler out this morning, and tell him he needs to be back in good time today because he’s doing the evening. If he asks to do a hobby, then the answer is no! Tell him how you need support

I think what annoys me is if he was unwell he’d take the day off with no questions asked ! I wouldn’t normally expect him to but I’m 2 weeks off having our baby with no support from him what so ever x

You're asking how it's fair that he takes time off (his) work when he is ill. That's what his sick leave is for and I can see that his employer might 'send' him home because they don't want him there too ill to work, or making others ill.

If you're sick, it's not a given that he can have time off from his job, as you're not the one employed. I get you want some help, but there are other ways of managing than expecting his employer to pick up the slack.

We are both in employment. Neither take sick days unless totally incapacitated, but no, I would not be able to take a sick day because DH was ill, and neither would he for me.

Because he is entitled to do that and get paid. He isn’t entitled to do that when you’re sick.

sorry, not clear but do you have children to look after or are you 'only' pregnant?

No I have a 7 and almost 2 year old and 2 weeks off having a baby x

That is because he can take sick leave when he is ill. He obviously cannot take sick leave when you are ill. I am not sure what's so confusing about it. Do you throw a sickie when your DH is unwell? I doubt it.

I’m a sahm and no when he’s unwell he rests and I do what I do daily x

I don't know what '2 weeks off having a baby means' (English isn't my first language).

To a degree, yes. He works full time and I'm a sahm. If he's sick he won't do much. But if I'm sick I obviously have to do everything I would normally because there's no one there to do it. If he's at home he'd pick up most of the slack but if he's at work it can't be helped.

I’m having a baby in two weeks ! X

Your problem isn’t the taking sick days off work thing, your problem is that your husband is a selfish asshole who seems to barely care enough to lift a finger in his own home.

In the kindest possible way - being a sahm is just very different to being employed. It makes sense that you support him when he is unwell (and you are well) as you don't work. But I think it's really unreasonable to expect the only breadwinner in family with several children to not work when you are unwell.

Just for clarity: do you want him to use annual leave? or do you expect him to call in sick (which he can't, as he is not). What kind of leave would you expect him to take? I just cannot work this out.

OP does not work and DH is the breadwinner. I guess someone has to work in a family or 4 (almost 5?).

What sort of leave does your DH take when you are ill? Annual leave? Unpaid leave? Does he throw a sickie??

So when he’s unwell he can rest for the day but when I’m unwell I just have to suck it up and carry on ? Just because he works ? Yet if he was unwell a day off work wouldn’t be an issue ! Wow ! No wonder sahm feel less of a person than people who work! X

Ok, what do you expect him to do:

annual leave?
unpaid leave
sickie?

He is working and funding your sahm life. You don't have childcare in place as a sahm so you don't get to put your feed up when you are ill as you cannot drop them off to nursery but this is the deal. Try working and juggling childcare!

I don't really understand why he doesn't request carer, parental leave because you are unwell and the children need caring for. If refused then understandable but not asking ...mmm

You get if he takes the day off it’s unpaid right? And it’s not considered a reasonable reason to have it off? So it will be logged? If he’s ill do you do his job? Do you have to notify your boss? Have money deducted? It’s not like for like.

Tbh you know this is who he is. No matter how many kids you shoot out, he's not going to change OP.

I'd probably make this the last pregnancy and focus on getting a job when the time comes for your own protection.