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Original poster

To be fuming with MIL and Husband?

134 replies

skydiver1985 · 29/05/2025 00:41

Had a DH family wedding today. Lovely day, I had to leave at around 7pm as our childcare could only stay until then so got home to the DC. Husband staying until end with rest of family. All fine.

DH and MIL just got back to our house. Asked how they got home, DH came up with a lie about someone driving them back. Could tell was lying and challenged. Turns out he had driven them both back in his MIL car. He’s been drinking all day. So has she.

We are supposed to be going away tomorrow for our anniversary (MIL is here to stay for weekend to have the DC).

now I feel completely pissed off at both MIL and DH for DH driving back? Why not get a cab? It’s just beyond selfish on all fronts. Now I feel like I don’t want to go away tomorrow.

MIL didn’t hear our confrontation but I shouted and told him he was selfish and I’m fuming etc. should I confront her tomorrow too? Although she’s supposed to be having our kids for the weekend while we go away?

sorry for such a long rant!!

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 29/05/2025 00:42

Disgusting, selfish idiots. Grrrrr.

MumChp · 29/05/2025 00:45

I would confront both.
They drove home drunk?

I would be way too angry to go on a weekend away.

Weepixie · 29/05/2025 00:49

I wouldn’t be going away and leaving the children with a granny who’s so irresponsible. It could be the next decision she makes is that the kids don’t really need car seats if they all nip out to Tesco’s. In fact she wouldn’t be having them alone again for a very long time.

And as for your husband - I wouldn’t be able to look at him and he’d have to go even temporarily.

crumblingschools · 29/05/2025 00:56

Will she be driving the kids anywhere?

ILoveBrum · 29/05/2025 01:00

MumChp · 29/05/2025 00:45

I would confront both.
They drove home drunk?

I would be way too angry to go on a weekend away.

Me too & no chance would I be letting her (or him) anywhere near my kids alone.

Original poster
skydiver1985 · 29/05/2025 01:14

He’s said he had 3 beers throughout the day and that this is fine to drive on. I’m not sure this is true though, not sure how I would know for sure either way

OP posts:
LastPostISwear · 29/05/2025 01:18

skydiver1985 · 29/05/2025 01:14

He’s said he had 3 beers throughout the day and that this is fine to drive on. I’m not sure this is true though, not sure how I would know for sure either way

If he came home drunk, it doesn’t matter what he drank. He still drunk drove

Redglitter · 29/05/2025 01:23

3 beers all day? Yeah so he did. That means at least 5

I wouldn't be leaving the children with your MIL she's proved she can't be trusted to make good decisions when it comes to safety

HappyFellWalker · 29/05/2025 01:41

As awful as that is..what mother would allow her son to drive drunk and not have a problem with it.
If it was me I would cancel that trip and he'd know that would be something you would never put up with again and by doing that you're also sending that message to your MIL without the confrontation. Let him explain why she's no longer needed to babysit

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/05/2025 01:48

Was he drunk?

Three beers throughout the day with food doesn’t sound like much.

Not sure of the laws there, is that beyond the limit?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 29/05/2025 02:00

He’s minimising to shut you down. He’s lying.

cordeliavorkosigan · 29/05/2025 02:31

If it is really 3 all day with food he was probably fine.
If it was 5-6 he very likely wasn't.
A lot depends on what your mil is usually like. Obviously you'd usually trust her with your DC. Is this a wedding-only lapse? I get that you're angry but I'd try to separate that from an actual assessment of the risk.

BrummieGinge889 · 29/05/2025 02:44

He's fine, they're fine. A whole day thing with lots of food, he was probably fine. I've been to weddings where I down a few glasses of prosecco at midday, get buzzed, gorge on food and cake, and am annoyingly sober by midnight.

Unless he's an alcoholic with a history of drunk driving, I think you are blowing it out of proportion.

Codlingmoths · 29/05/2025 02:51

3 beers is fine for a day out? I would stick to 2 drinks with food if driving, but dh could easily have 3 and would pass a breathalyser with flying colours. Did he seem drunk?

if he was drink driving you’re right to be horrified. If he has carefully paced a few drinks to safely and soberly drive home you’re overreacting a lot?

TatteredAndTorn · 29/05/2025 02:57

I personally wouldn’t drink 3 beers and drive, and wouldn’t want my DH or DS to, but if spread out throughout a whole day he may well have been under the limit. Borderline though and you can’t be sure. I’d be having stern words about taking risks like that but I wouldn’t cancel the trip.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 29/05/2025 02:59

I suppose it hinges on whether he really had 3 beers or not.

How many had he had by the time you left at 7pm?

PortillosRedTrousers · 29/05/2025 03:01

A local man who was a husband and a father of three, was killed when he crashed his car. He had “only drunk 7 pints”. WTF? Only? Apparently he was well known to have up to 15 pints as he was a big rugby fella. Well, 7 pints is over the limit and, whilst his death is tragic, at least he didn’t kill anyone else. I cannot abide drunk drivers.

mum11970 · 29/05/2025 03:13

If he genuinely had 3 pints all day then he was pretty much definitely under the limit (not sure of Scottish limit though) and driving wouldn’t have been an issue, any more and I’d be absolutely fuming.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 29/05/2025 03:14

skydiver1985 · 29/05/2025 01:14

He’s said he had 3 beers throughout the day and that this is fine to drive on. I’m not sure this is true though, not sure how I would know for sure either way

So which was it as you've said drinking all day and he said three beers, you must have some recollection of roughly what he had to drink.

How did he appear when he got home. 3 beers all would have probably looked stone cold sober.

GoodOnPaper · 29/05/2025 03:21

If he thought he was ok to drive why did he initially lie to say they’d had a lift? That would make me suspicious he knew he wasn’t really safe to drive and it was more than the three.

Lurkingandlearning · 29/05/2025 03:24

I'm not condoning drink driving at all. Three pints is over the legal limit so he wasn't fine to drive.

But what people don't consider when they are over the limit is that they are just as at risk as at any other time of having an accident that is not their fault. If another driver, cyclist or pedestrian causes an accident and smells alcohol on their breath, or even just wants to deflect their responsibility by saying they caused it, they could be breathalysed.

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/05/2025 03:27

How much did he drink when you were with him? Did he actually just drink beer (no wine for the toasts)? Like others, I would assume 3 = 5 or 6 pints at least. And why initially lie that someone else drove them home if he genuinely thought he was well under the legal limit?

businessflop25 · 29/05/2025 03:32

That would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think anyone who has had a drink should be behind the wheel. I really wish it was a zero tolerance policy on drink driving. I wouldn’t be with or even friends with anyone who felt differently

HoppingPavlova · 29/05/2025 04:00

He’s said he had 3 beers throughout the day and that this is fine to drive on. I’m not sure this is true though, not sure how I would know for sure either way

If he did have 3 beers throughout the day, he was more than fine to drive. I’d plan to drive myself if that was the case, would definitely be under the limit (for where I’m located), and I’d be fine driving. Depending on size and strength of a drink you can possibly even have 3 of an even g and still be fine to drive, but again dependant on size, strength of drink and individual, it’s fairly variable.

Was he drunk when he came home indicating he’d had way more?

nomas · 29/05/2025 04:36

skydiver1985 · 29/05/2025 01:14

He’s said he had 3 beers throughout the day and that this is fine to drive on. I’m not sure this is true though, not sure how I would know for sure either way

He lied about the drive home so is 💯 lying about how many drinks he had.

Take MIL’s car keys and his and go on the weekend break alone.

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