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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband keeps having accidents with 15mo

367 replies

newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 07:36

My DS is 15 months old. My DH is incredibly accident prone. I have tried to talk to him calmly, I’ve also more frequently lost my temper. I’ve tried to approach conversations with seriousness, explain repercussions, but I feel he’s just not listening. Monday he closed the dishwasher and didn’t see our son had his fingers in it and trapped them. Just now, he had his wardrobe open with DS under him but was choosing an outfit and didn’t see DS trap his fingers in hinge. It is destroying our relationship as I keep thinking I just need to get him away / out.
I know he cares, as he can be loving, but I feel like he doesn’t care enough to be on alert all the time or make adjustments. I don’t know what to do… feeling lost.
Also, just to add it’s not just with our DS. He’s constantly stepping on my feet. I had an operation recently and when we were in car he accidentally hit where I’d been cut, and then seconds later slipped changing gear and punched my leg. It wasn’t deliverable, but it’s hard not to feel like it is when it’s so frequent.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 28/05/2025 07:38

Is your DH dyspraxic?

Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 07:46

Update - DH just tripped and stood on DS’s foot and I just had to go and console him. I’ve just said to him I can’t go on like this, he refuses to accept it’s nothing but an accident. I suggested maybe he needs some medical help, because something is distracting him. He refused to see it. I just can’t do this anymore, it’s breaking me seeing my son upset. It never lasts long and accidents happen but it’s daily.

OP posts:
goudacheese · 28/05/2025 07:47

Or ADHD maybe, worth checking out the cause with GP.

Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 07:47

beAsensible1 · 28/05/2025 07:38

Is your DH dyspraxic?

No, and doesn’t fit any of the characteristics I’ve just read

OP posts:
Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 07:48

goudacheese · 28/05/2025 07:47

Or ADHD maybe, worth checking out the cause with GP.

Definitely not, I feel that’s also a very overused term. I agree something is going on, I wonder if psychological that he’s just not focused on the present.

OP posts:
The13thFairy · 28/05/2025 07:53

He is telling you loud and clear what 'the problem' is - he really, really doesn't want to look after your child.

justkeepswimingswiming · 28/05/2025 07:55

The13thFairy · 28/05/2025 07:53

He is telling you loud and clear what 'the problem' is - he really, really doesn't want to look after your child.

But it’s not though is it? Because he’s also accidentally hurting the op.

Butterbly · 28/05/2025 07:55

This really sounds like me and I'm dyspraxic

Is this a long standing thing? Has he always been clumsy? Good at ball sports? Often have bruises?

It sounds like you think something else is underlying it but are struggling to articulate it or are scared about naming it. What is it that you think?

justkeepswimingswiming · 28/05/2025 07:55

has He always been like this? what’s his eye sight like?

DustyLee123 · 28/05/2025 07:57

If you split up, DH could end up looking after your child for 50% of the time on his own. Then you wouldn’t know what’s happening when you’re not there.

OurManyEnds · 28/05/2025 07:59

The13thFairy · 28/05/2025 07:53

He is telling you loud and clear what 'the problem' is - he really, really doesn't want to look after your child.

Oh fgs 🤣

BobbleHatsRule · 28/05/2025 07:59

How does he react to all this? Any chance his clumsiness is increasing and he's frightened by it so in denial?

someonehastoberight · 28/05/2025 08:00

I’d insist he go to doctors but it sounds a lot like dyspraxia. Have he always been clumsy? Walks into things? Trips etc?

PussInBin20 · 28/05/2025 08:00

Like a lot of men, he just doesn’t feel the responsibility like you do. It is strange isn’t it because he’s his parent too. But they simply don’t. In their minds I think they just think kids = Mum’s responsibility.

What did he say about the dishwasher incident? I mean your DS could have lost fingers.

Not in the same way as yours, but my DH just doesn’t think for our DD at all about her needs (never did). He would blame her if something went wrong. 🙄

Not sure how you can get through to him if you’ve already had serious conversations. But I agree with you, it’s not acceptable.

Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 08:02

Butterbly · 28/05/2025 07:55

This really sounds like me and I'm dyspraxic

Is this a long standing thing? Has he always been clumsy? Good at ball sports? Often have bruises?

It sounds like you think something else is underlying it but are struggling to articulate it or are scared about naming it. What is it that you think?

Edited

I honestly don’t know. He says it’s because he’s always been accident prone. He loves football, good in goal. His sister is similar as well, always breaking and losing things. I don’t know how to react or what to do. I have booked a session with my psychologist who is helping me with some work issues, will bring this to her maybe.

OP posts:
Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 08:02

PussInBin20 · 28/05/2025 08:00

Like a lot of men, he just doesn’t feel the responsibility like you do. It is strange isn’t it because he’s his parent too. But they simply don’t. In their minds I think they just think kids = Mum’s responsibility.

What did he say about the dishwasher incident? I mean your DS could have lost fingers.

Not in the same way as yours, but my DH just doesn’t think for our DD at all about her needs (never did). He would blame her if something went wrong. 🙄

Not sure how you can get through to him if you’ve already had serious conversations. But I agree with you, it’s not acceptable.

He just said dishwasher was an accident. I also had the thought of how it could have been so much worse.

OP posts:
Honon · 28/05/2025 08:02

It doesn't sound like he doesn't care to me, it sounds like dyspraxia or similar. A complete lack of spatial awareness. You even mention an issue with his driving. What's his driving like generally?

Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 08:03

DustyLee123 · 28/05/2025 07:57

If you split up, DH could end up looking after your child for 50% of the time on his own. Then you wouldn’t know what’s happening when you’re not there.

Exactly!! This is why I feel so trapped, but also so sad that it is ruining our marriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
newmumabouttown · 28/05/2025 08:04

justkeepswimingswiming · 28/05/2025 07:55

has He always been like this? what’s his eye sight like?

Edited

Bad eye sight but wears contacts and glasses to correct it well. So I don’t think it’s that.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 28/05/2025 08:05

Does he hurt himself a lot too?

Barbiewhirl · 28/05/2025 08:06

His sister is similar as well, always breaking and losing things

Hmmm.

I wouldnt assume hes doing it on purpose like some PPs, but similarly as he keeps happening he needs to figure out ways to mitigate the risk. He likely can't change how he is, but could change the environment and his decisions ie better make a conscious effort to check DS isnt nearby if I'm opening this, keeping floorspace tidy so easier to navigate etc.

Enrichetta · 28/05/2025 08:08

The fundamental issue isn’t whether it is dyspraxia, strategic incompetence, being accident prone or whatever.

The problem is that he doesn’t care, doesn’t seem upset or guilty about hurting or endangering his child - and he refuses to see a doctor or take any steps at all to ensure he stops having these ‘accidents’.

Gyozas · 28/05/2025 08:09

It feels like there’s something actually quite sinister behind this.

He hurts you and his child regularly. Seemingly ‘accidentally’.

Hitting you in your surgical wound when collecting you from hospital? Punching you while changing gear? This cannot be accidental.

Mumofsoontobe3 · 28/05/2025 08:10

I read this thinking oh, this sounds familiar! Except it’s my 6yo who’s pretty accident prone (to himself, but has stepped on the 1yo before or caught some fingers) he does really need to lean to look down and around to be sure where DS is - this is something I’m teaching my 6yo to be more aware of for his brothers (and himself!). You’d think after he’d injured him the first couple of times he would be more self aware.

hedgerunner · 28/05/2025 08:13

his denial might be embarrassment. Either way he needs to be more aware of his surroundings and where he and dc are within the environment. I would reiterate that you’re not ‘nit picking’ but you are genuinely concerned that he’s going to really hurt himself or dc. encourage him to slow down.