Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

[Becwi]

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

If you're with him on the day, then you'll find out soon enough what's happening

Perhaps the surprise will be that there's no party

This thread is weird

I think people are being a bit obtuse here.

Over at in laws for a roast in January;

Op - oh it’s your 40th this year. What do you fact doing?

DP - I don’t mind. Surprise me!

DP mum - You must have a party ( plans one in her head vaguely).

I mean lots of people aren’t particularly bothered by “big” birthdays.

Tbh it sounds like you don’t like your MIL and you’re enjoying playing the victim in this unnecessary pointless immature drama over a surprise party that isn’t an even a surprise.

Honestly life is too short for this wasted energy on absolutely nothing - he’s 40 not 14

But you do know
..... you cancelled.your plans for these ones. Mil is clearly pissed at you so she hasn't shared extra details but you knew the date and should have found out. Your mil is behaving badly but you are making it worse.

wtf? Why is the relationship not functional?! The op planned something for her partners birthday, what’s wrong with that? The MIL is acting insanely and being totally unfair to her son by not inviting his partner to his own party!! Id say the MIL is pretty relevant given that this is a bonkers MIL thread.

Your post makes no sense.

He’s 40 and there’s this level of drama? It’s be a no from me.

But... he knows about the party if your MiL has phoned him to complain and you have argued with him about it. Just ask him when it is, or what information he has about it from your MiL, and then go along with him wherever and whenever he has been told to turn up.

Just ask your boyfriend what time you need to be ready to leave on Saturday and go with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

She complained to your boyfriend, so that meant everyone knew about it then, including you. Is it not just expected that you will attend with him? No invitation necessary, as you are a couple? Might it be you who is now being a bit weird about it?

All he knows is just to keep the day free. He has no other details.

Turn up with him at his ‘surprise’ party - his mum sounds a nightmare. Don’t let her bully you. Look a million dollars and perhaps book a hotel for afterwards too. Beat her at her own game.

Personally I would get all the details from your friend and just turn up with your boyfriend as if you were invited. Act lovely to mil as though you had an invite and watch her silently seethe!

What did your BF say when she rang him shouting about it?

Absolutely!!!! And the reaction from your BF should decide whether this is someone you stay with…

He was annoyed with her, said she was in the wrong. But should just let her do it because she’s never planned anything for him before.

Maybe his mum is assuming you'll come with him? I don't think it would be unreasonable of her to think this?

IMO, the weirdest thing about this situation is why on earth is the mum organising a birthday party for a 40 year old adult man who has a longterm partner and plenty of friends ?!?

I don't know anyone over 21 who has their birthday parties organised by their mums. Very strange

Honestly… the drama isn’t going to be worth it. If he knows you aren’t invited to his birthday than he sounds spineless and not worth you time.

Sometimes walking away and leaving people to themselves is the best thing you can do.

xx

Does he? If he does surely just ask him and go with him - like a normal couple

Just ask him if you’re invited

Presumably he's going to be asked to turn up somewhere? So you just go with him.

Call her.

Hi MIL. What time and where do I need to be to surprise X now we were going with your plans or do I just need to be with him and be surprised too?

It isn't a surprise event now just location as your partner knows that it is happening just not what. I suspect if he isn't involved in the planning of his non-surprise he doesn't even realise you haven't been given details either.

FGS don't marry or have kids with this man, if he's that tied to mummys apron strings.

Are you sure the girl was asking you about a party organised by mil? Is it possible she didn't get the memo that yours is cancelled and was referring to that one?

Also, do you need an invitation? If you and your BF know the date is it just assumed you're both going and will hear the details together on the day?

Do you live together? Or does he still live with his mum?