Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

[Becwi]

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

He has and she said don’t worry about it.

Have you checked that the friend’s girlfriend didn’t get the message about your party being cancelled and thinks it’s still on? That would be my first guess.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you get to the day and his mum hasn’t actually planned anything.

Yes, she definitely knows it’s not the plan I had organised

@Becwi so then what did he say..?!

"Ok mum I won't"?

Gets weirder and weirder 🤣

Why on earth would you assume that you are not invited? You've been told about it.

Who has a 40th birthday party organised by their mum!!!?

Weird as fuck.

Run.

You are being infuriatingly passive. Pick up the bloody phone and SPEAK TO HER. Alternatively he will be given a heads up about what time to be ready on Saturday so ask him to let you know and go with. Both suggestions sort this nonsense out.

Sounds like you arranged a secret do and didn’t invite her, now she’s returning the favour. Since you refuse to actually speak with her and iron it out I guess you’ll just have to lump it.

Will you just go with him and then hope there is space for you?

What if it’s a hot air balloon type treat and there’s no room in the basket for you?

I would seriously consider any potential plans for bringing children into the world with this man if this is how a simple birthday party is causing such issues!

What does don’t worry about if mean? Don’t worry about it is an ‘don’t tell her so she can’t come’? Or don’t worry about it as in ‘you tell her the plan directly’?
Was your bf not furious on your behalf?

It sounds like you both won't know until the day so stop worrying about it. You said you get on well with her and have supported each other so just trust she has a plan and there's no reason to leave you out of it.

People here on MN will be desperate to twist the narrative and blame your partner as he's a man and all men must be hated. Don't listen to them 😁

Far too much drama over a birthday.

Sounds like a typical jealous MIL upset the son has replaced her with a partner! Nightmare, you need to put your foot down or she will continue to come between you and your partner.

Oh my days - WE are the generation that were adults when phones became a thing - "grew up in an era" you make us sound about 95.

Us late 50s/early 60s have had phones for nearly 3 decades and are probably the worst for texting not calling people

So she's at least 54. And likely not glued to her phone, as per post-teenagers.

@Becwi maybe she assumes you know it is happening and will keep the day free as well so you don’t need a separate invite … will you see her to confirm beforehand? If local, I’d suggest popping round to clarify/clear the air or something!

I mean, here’s your problem. Did he reply ‘what do you mean don’t worry about it? If I arrive and she’s not there I’m leaving, so I’m worried about it.’

Message the friend's girlfriend back, plan your outfits, arrange to meet her for a drink beforehand, go to the party with her and be super nice to your MIL. Surprise, bitch!

Are you meaning to be vague in your answers op? They’re very short.
What does “don’t worry about it” mean? Come on - give us some more context.

So why is he annoyed at you that it caused an argument?

And why is he happy to have his 40th birthday party without you?

He sounds a coward and mummy’s boy at best, and at worst that he just doesn’t care about you.

This sounds like a future nightmare for you, OP.

I’ve had a MIL from hell before and honestly no relationship can survive that, especially if he doesn’t prioritise you.

I think you need to tell your boyfriend that his mother hasn't invited you to what she's organised, that you've messaged her about it and she hasn't replied. I think he needs to use wording like that in his message to her, or when he speaks to her. So far the messages between them don't explicitly say you are being excluded. I think they should.

Wow she hates you. Of course it’s uo to his partner to do it not his mum and to not invite you repeatedly is just weird. Tell your partner you’re not invited and if he wants to have his party without you then you know where you stand in life, alone without him.

Just go along. You are his partner. It's a party for him.