Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

[Becwi]

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

Well done, OP.

Leave him with his bitch of a Mother and move on.

I'm sure they'll be very happy together.

Hope you are ok OP, this has been a tough weekend. Either he didn't stand up to his mum, because he never has historically, or he didn't want to. Neither are ok. Presuming he hasn't disclosed a traumatic childhood with his mum in the centre of the tale.
I'm usually one to say work things through, but I think you have made the right decision.

What a 40 year old loser he is.
Why on earth would you spend another minute on him.
She's welcome to him.

You mind yourself OP, he's honestly no loss.

Well done, OP.

What a sorry excuse of a 'man' to treat you that way because his mummy didn't want you to come.

Well done OP. Make no mistake, it might be 3 yrs but it could have been 20 of this bullshit. Trust me I did 7. Ugh.

At the minute feeling completely heartbroken. Once my daughter is home tomorrow I’m sure I’ll feel a little better (she’s from previous relationship)

@Becwi omg! he was obviously warned by his mother not to tell you and he kept it really quiet!!! cannot believe the bastard just upped and left to go and get ready and just told you he had to go!! what an evil mother and what a wuss of an (ex) boyfriend!!! you have had a lucky escape!!

@PopcornKitten I know that you’re viewing this as the end of the relationship but is there any way back? Has he explained the u turn? Did he feel obliged to go and will now set boundaries or is he really that spineless? are you for real???? how can you possibly think there would be any way back from this shitty behaviour????

@Becwi does he have his own home or does he live with you normally???

sorry how its worked out for you OP.

Lots of pp said they would just assume they were invited, but it really doesn't sound like he assumed that when you were having a chilled morning together and then he upped and left for the birthday do. How hard was it to say you are invited or you are not invited? He was evasive and left you in the dark. I can't see how he could excuse all that away.

And he just expected you to put up with all of that. He said your message was "shitty" was he expecting you to sit around planning further birthday celebrations for when he returned or something?

Hope you are OK,

Why would she go to a party where it is very clear that she has been intentional excluded and her BF can't be bothered to stand up for her. She should be evaluating her relationship and getting the heck out not forcing herself on the party.

The party is not the issue here, it's the fact that his mother thinks it fine to exclude her and her BF doesn't stand up for her and prioritizes his mother.

And what would happen if the mother decides to cause drama with OP for coming, it's obvious her BF will support his mother and leave OP to fend for herself in front of everyone at the party.

I'm sorry you're going through this but he has made it clear that he doesn't priorize you so while it may hurt you're doing the right thing to end the relationship.

What fuckers - so sorry Op - you deserve so much better. Glad you’re dumping him!

Do you have a friend who can come over and support you until your daughter gets back?
what an awful situation you have been put in.

I really do hope his birthday is AT LEAST a teeny little bit spoilt by being dumped in the middle of it. And also that he’s miserable and lonely for a long time, as he deserves it.

Yes thats true, why did your girlfriend dump you? Because mummy made me go to a big lovely party she made for me and she said my naughty girlfriend couldnt go......

Sounds awful OP, arent they embarrassed of themselves? Surely people would wonder where you were? And probably guessed (knowing that MIL arranged it) that MIL is something to do with your absence, does she feel no shane?

I'm sorry he clearly showed his true colours 😢

This made me giggle And put little smile on my face!

As much as you’re hurting right now I think you’ll come to see this as a blessing. His mother will likely be an absolute nightmare for whoever he is with and he’s clearly not got the minerals to implement boundaries with her. Being with him would have meant a life time of being put second and having your needs ignored.

I do. But his birthday isn’t until Wednesday.

Im sorry you are in this position. It must be gutting.

But Why did you not discuss it with him whilst he was getting ready? Why didn't you ask him what he wanted you to do, should you come with him? Did he expect you to just sit at home? Honestly I think your behaviour in all this has also been odd - all of you in the situation are behaving strangely. If it was me I would have not just sat there whilst he got ready and left. But equally my DH wouldn't be even thinking about going to a party organised in these circumstances.

IMO you should never have cancelled your alternative party and told her to do one. But given how this has unfolded there's a good chance he'd have gone to hers anyway. He's an enmeshed shithead. You're better off without him. But get better boundaries and learn to speak up for yourself in your next relationship so you can weed out these kind of that's earlier on.

Twats not that's

Well, @Becwi, he was apparently just paying lip service. I’m sorry that, after 3 years, he has treated you with such disrespect and disregard.

It is truly appalling that this 40 year old has obeyed his viper mummy and thrown you under the bus. She clearly has an agenda to exclude and insult you, and he has followed suit. I’m wondering if she invited an Ex of his or another female whom she hopes will interest him.

Kudos for definitively ending things with this spineless, disloyal loser.

I'm really sorry about this and I hope you find someone better next time.