Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

[Becwi]

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

Poeple will treat you like a doormat for as long as you let them, he thinks he can treat you like this and you will be ok

So when he’d had the call did you not talk about it then? You just both were silent while he went and got ready?

I’m so sorry, OP. I think you did the right thing by not going. Who wants to go somewhere where they’re not wanted and with people who won’t advocate for them?
I know that you’re viewing this as the end of the relationship but is there any way back? Has he explained the u turn? Did he feel obliged to go and will now set boundaries or is he really that spineless?
if it really is over, I hope it’s relatively straightforward for you to sort things out re:accommodation etc.

I’ve still not heard or seen him since yesterday lunchtime

This is utterly bizarre.

Surely the call to say where he has to go was an invitation for BOTH of you to go together?

I don't understand why you didn't just go.

But no contact in 24 hours now is equally bizarre. Have they taken his phone off him???

I'd be contemplating ending the relationship if he can't be bothered to stand up for you.

Or is there more to it than this?

@Becwi even without the rest of it, I don’t get why he didn’t just say ‘I’m assuming because you know I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years that the invite includes Becwi and that’s why you didn’t think she needed a specific invite, especially as she contacted you previously as she was planning something before but changed it’. Otherwise he has just let her get away with it. And in that case, as you and others have said, it doesn’t seem like you’re seen as significant in his life. It is just weird!

I’d be done. Gone as fast as feasibly possible. Nothing to discuss, no need to talk at all except for the practical dividing of joint things/names off bills.

Perhaps mummy kidnapped and married him off overnight....

He’s waiting for you to contact so he can act like he didn’t just sell you down the river. Fuck him, block and delete him.

Do you have any of his stuff? Does he have any of yours?

He really is behaving like he doesn’t care.
or else he thinks it will all just be ok and you’ll knuckle down and be second fiddle to mummy forever.
you deserve more.
and that’s what you tell him, I loved you but I deserve more.
he is a man child.

The bizarre thing is that he didn’t ask OP to go with him. He trotted off to mummy’s party and disappeared into the ether.

I feel like the boyfriend should have stood up to his mum here and managed this situation. Plus he’s not been in touch? I’d be done with him.

This is exactly what I messaged and apparently it’s a shitty message, he finally got round to messaging 30 mins ago.
I just said obviously my feelings are invalid and this relationship is pointless. His stuff will be in the shed for him to pick up

I have contacted him to express my feelings and his stuff is in the shed to pick up

Well done. Hope you're ok x

Well done OP, it's not easy but you're better off without him.

Glad to hear it, OP.

He told you your message was shitty?

Who does the house belong to @Becwi? I don't blame you for telling him to get lost, but not sure if you live in the same house or already have separate homes?

Omg immediately get rid of this man. What a horrible way to treat you. I’m sorry OP xx

Hope you're ok op. Sorry you're going through this. You deserve someone who'll put you first

My mother in law organised a party for my partners 40th when we were up there visiting -sn excuse to see all his local, to them but not us, relatives.

He's an arsehole. He had so many options, he could have told his mum in advance he wouldn't go without you having the details and an invite, he could have given his friends a heads up and stayed put, he could have popped round with you so you could talk it out before.

He was all talk before and he's done something insensitive, pathetic and humiliating for you. You can do better.

Yep, same here. MIL organised a surprise 40th without me or the children in attendance. But the main birthday surprise was another female relative for him to room share with. You can’t make this stuff up and there’s nought queer as folk!

Good post. Talking it with his mom before would have been a sensible way to handle it, but he proved incapable of doing that. I wonder if his mum wants him to stay single so he's not pulled away to a new family.

It may not feel like it now but you’ve had a lucky escape. What a horrible man and a really rude and awful mother. Thank your lucky stars that you’re out. A mother like that would be a complete blight on your relationship going forward. Imagine if you’d had kids! Ugh.
Nope, you deserve better. It’s been a horrible lesson to learn but long term it’s for the best. Hope you’re ok. 💐