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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
DustRabbit · 27/05/2025 14:03

I used to work with a lot of Italians and they're very uptight about rules when it comes to food. I'd just laugh at most of it.

Or order a cappuccino after 11am just to wind them up

Imbusytodaysorry · 27/05/2025 14:03

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:54

Maybe that is why he was so horrified. I don’t think I could of eaten the salad after my lasagna he always makes big portions.

Show quote history

@Un4732 do you eat straight from the salad bowl and share you saliva with everyone else ?

JustMyView13 · 27/05/2025 14:03

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 27/05/2025 13:56

Even though this is a "silly" issue, I wouldn't take this lightly.
The fact that he felt he had the right to tell you off and be controlling speaks to a broader issue. This is a huge red flag imo.

(also eating out of a communal bowl would make me vomit. I can't think of anything worse).

Even with a partner?
So like, you’ll have sex with someone, kiss someone - but you draw the line at sharing food?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:05

DustRabbit · 27/05/2025 14:03

I used to work with a lot of Italians and they're very uptight about rules when it comes to food. I'd just laugh at most of it.

Or order a cappuccino after 11am just to wind them up

Edited

He is Spanish but I bet they are very similar

OP posts:
Kingsleadhat · 27/05/2025 14:06

Unfortunately he's a massive twat

chipsewfast · 27/05/2025 14:06

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Do you always miss the point so spectacularly?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/05/2025 14:08

Just a question of personal taste. I always like (and serve) salad in a separate bowl (individual ones provided) - I don’t want salad mixed with e.g, spag bol. Dh is not fussed either way, and a dd thinks I’m weird!

JohnMajorsChicken · 27/05/2025 14:09

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:17

It's fine to eat salad in its own bowl. Putting it on a plate with the entree is a bit odd.

Oh no, he eats it out of the big bowl instead of of serving it individually?

Ewwww.

Edited

Maybe to you it's odd, personally I love eating hot food with cold salad (especially lasagne!)

Why do you (or he) need to comment on other people's eating style?

Kubricklayer · 27/05/2025 14:10

DontTouchRoach · 27/05/2025 13:33

Where did the OP request opinions on that, exactly?

Show quote history

What an odd response.

OP mentions eating once a day and at the point she finally eats she is 'starving'.

PP are right to question why she mostly only eats once a day since this goes against medical advice and can lead to issues (eating disorders, nutrient deficiencies).

PP aren't restricted to only offering advice on the question asked when details in OP can reveal issues and solutions that would be of benefit to OP.

OP how long have you been in a relationship with your partner? His OTT reaction to a non issue like how you choose to eat your food is already a red flag. How would he react to actual issues? Not good by the sounds of it.

gamerchick · 27/05/2025 14:10

Well now you know how he's going to parent your kids OP. Starve them all day and tell them off for weird things at the dinner table.

Treat it like a Crystal ball and have a chat about being told off like a little kid for shit.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:11

gamerchick · 27/05/2025 14:10

Well now you know how he's going to parent your kids OP. Starve them all day and tell them off for weird things at the dinner table.

Treat it like a Crystal ball and have a chat about being told off like a little kid for shit.

Edited

We are both 54 and have kids from previous relationships.

OP posts:
Birdist · 27/05/2025 14:12

I think eating salad after the hot main meal and/or from a side plate is pretty normal- my Italian friends always eat the salad afterwards rather than alongside. However, even if that's your background it doesn't remotely justify calling you disgusting or getting cross. He sounds rotten.

MisunderstoodMe · 27/05/2025 14:12

Neither of you is wrong, it's entirely how you want to eat and either is okay. Your both entitled to your opinion, and expressing is not an issue. Getting angry however is an issue.

Trendyname · 27/05/2025 14:13

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:30

I'm in NYC with a lot of Italian Americans and I was married to an Italian. Salad is served in its own bowl, not mixed with the main dish here. So it's odd to me.

But he shouldn't throw a fit over it.

Edited

My Italian old Italian neighbour from Italy didn’t provide extra dish for salad when she served it along with pasta at her home. I have another well mannered Italian friend is also not so rigid about these things.

Maybe American Italians are too formal and have stayed in the past. I see this phenomenon with a lot of Indian families too who moved abroad decades ago.

Middleagedstriker · 27/05/2025 14:13

I find the thought of cold and hot food ont he same plate as a bit gross. My parents are European (a bit if a mix) so maybe that's why!

NancyGreens · 27/05/2025 14:14

He seems to be quite weird about food...? I used to work in high end hospitality, before I escaped about 5 years ago, and it can make you weird about food tbh, especially if you're a raging alcoholic / frequent drug user as a lot of my colleagues were.

You didn't overreact. Is he OK?

Editing to add: strictly speaking you aren't meant to put cold food on the same plate as hor food, but calling it disgusting is weird hyperbole

Mulledjuice · 27/05/2025 14:14

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Not the point

Ilikeadrink14 · 27/05/2025 14:14

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

Show quote history

So he’s the disgusting one then! You did nothing wrong. Or, if you did, so do I as that’s exactly how I, and all my family, eat it! Ignore him! He’s a plonker and needs to get a life! You need to get a sane and sensible partner.
If that had been said to me, the lasagne would have been all over his face and hair!
Incidentally, I love it when the salad gets slightly warm too!

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 14:17

NancyGreens · 27/05/2025 14:14

He seems to be quite weird about food...? I used to work in high end hospitality, before I escaped about 5 years ago, and it can make you weird about food tbh, especially if you're a raging alcoholic / frequent drug user as a lot of my colleagues were.

You didn't overreact. Is he OK?

Editing to add: strictly speaking you aren't meant to put cold food on the same plate as hor food, but calling it disgusting is weird hyperbole

Edited

Yes maybe it’s the hospitality aspect combined with cultural. Not sure about the relevance of alcohol and drug use, but I suspect this is very common too in this type of work

OP posts:
SpanThatWorld · 27/05/2025 14:17

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:22

That’s the bit I don’t understand why is it odd to put it on the same plate ?

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It really isn't odd at all.

Jujujudo · 27/05/2025 14:17

Different cultures are a pain in the ass.. my H is also from a different (non western) culture and he tends to eat with his hands which I can’t stand! But it’s the way they eat and I chose to be with him so..
When we go on holiday I tend to sort out the kids’ food from the buffet with them so I sit and eat once they’ve already got into it. So I pile it on in one go.. he commented on it once.. it really upset me. I want to eat how I want and if my H is critical it affects my enjoyment of the meal.
I would tell him that you eat how you eat, and his criticism of you makes you insecure - I hope you get through to him!

Ilikeadrink14 · 27/05/2025 14:19

Trendyname · 27/05/2025 14:13

My Italian old Italian neighbour from Italy didn’t provide extra dish for salad when she served it along with pasta at her home. I have another well mannered Italian friend is also not so rigid about these things.

Maybe American Italians are too formal and have stayed in the past. I see this phenomenon with a lot of Indian families too who moved abroad decades ago.

Show quote history

Was he Italian? 😂😂😂 (sorry, couldn’t resist!) No offence intended.

Jujujudo · 27/05/2025 14:19

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Also a criticism. If that what she wants to eat then let her! It’s not our place to judge how others choose to eat.

MumWifeOther · 27/05/2025 14:21

I love mixing hot and cold! Just keep eating however you want, nothing to do with him!

sugarapplelane · 27/05/2025 14:21

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:22

That’s the bit I don’t understand why is it odd to put it on the same plate ?

Show quote history

A lot of people do just put their salad on their main plate, but we have separate individual salad bowls so that our cold salad doesn’t wilt from the heat if the main dish.