Criticised over my eating style

[Fernandez54]

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

Buy seperate food for his house you mean? He would find it strange I think

Eating straight from the communal bowl is what’s disgusting, and putting his fork back in.

I’m aware that in France they would always have their salad after their hot food, and I’m willing to believe that’s the case in southern Europe too. Or I think some places you’d have a side plate for it.

I’m a bit on the fence as whilst I’d prefer my salad after the hot food or on a side plate, there’s nothing wrong with having it the way you do. It’s just preference. Dd has hers then way you do, and the only issue is if she hasn’t realised I’m not having my salad yet and doesn’t leave me any!

He sounds very controlling!!

Why are you bothering?

Throw him back

What do you do all day?!

Ok thank you so I think it must be cultural…a side eye is better 😊

It sounds like a culture thing. But he shouldn’t have told you off.

Personally I love a bit of salad with balsamic on my plate with lasagna. It seems to cut through the richness of lasagna for me.

Are you allowed to eat during the day when he is cooking for you? You talk about being starving.

There are three potential red flags here (not including the communal bowl debate)

1. he seems to have control over when you eat
2. he seems to want control over how you eat
3. he escalated a (non) issue and called you out on your reaction to that

OP, he needs to be told STFU.
Do not move in with a super critical twat.
You will regret it.
Bitterly.

It's not weird not liking hot and cold together, quite common but very weird reaction from him. It's individual taste.
I am with you and always mix my side salad with my main meal, I do it purposefully for the hot cold combo, love it.
My husband will eat the side salad usually after his meal. He will put it on his plate after he has eaten his main meal. Weird for me but doesn't really cause any issues between us (together and eaten together for 25 years 😙)

Of course salad goes with a hot meal. Lasagne and salad is a staple of mine. Spiced chicken and salad. Today for lunch I had cooked pasta with salad. He needs to understand not everyone is from the same culture as he is.

Should have added that I am the foreigner (Northern European) and husband British but not English.

He doesn't sound very nice to you, OP. I wouldn't be able to eat if someone was criticising me like that.

The starving part just means because we eat late I am very hungry. I think because it’s not my house I just don’t help myself in the kitchen and he is not a snacker, so nothing to snack on. But I agree he is been critical over something that is not a big deal.

So is it a shared bowl? If so that would be more disgusting if he's dipping his saliva ridden fork in and out 🤨 although to be fair if it was just sharing with your partner, I wouldn't have an issue, it's just worse on the salad etiquette scale than your style.

I think this is why I was taken aback I just didn’t understand his reaction. And I said a lot of English do this. I was brought up like this.

This is not normal. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a cultural thing and let him get away with being rude and controlling. Honestly if it had been me I would have calmly put my knife and fork down, told him not to be so rude and controlling and that he’d spoiled my lunch, and then left.

Especially if it’s the early days of a relationship you need to set clear boundaries. If he’d accused me of overreacting I’d have explained that it made me feel disrespected and sad.

But honestly he just sounds like a bit of a dick, I might expect this kind of behaviour after 10 years of marriage but not early days.

1. Yuck !
2. I agree, you aren't a child.

It did put me off

It’s been 3 years and it was about 9pm. If I had left he would ignore me and not get in touch.

This is getting even odder. Why would it be strange to buy food and eat it if you're hungry?

That’s not what she asked.

Glad so many people think other cultures ways of eating are disgusting... I also live in a culture of comula dishes and bowls. Absolutely fine. Nothing diasteorus happens.

Cross cultural relationships have loads of these moments, especially when children of families are involved. If either of you can't find a way to deal with them propperly, then the whole relationship won't work.

Yeah, I know. But to me I wouldn't rely on someone I don't live with to cook all my meals. Especially If I had to wait till late evening and then be told I'm disgusting?!

Yup if he's Italian or similar, this would be pretty offensive, sorry. A lasagne is a complete meal - salad comes after! A deeply established cultural thing but really common to put salad (or chips or garlic bread!) with it here. I wouldn't allow this in my house either 😂

It would be like putting custard on a roast dinner.

On the other stuff it is madness - med folk have been brought up with such hard rules like not going out with wet hair, sitting on concrete, drinking things with ice in etc (like imminent DEATH will occur) that it's natural it would still be with us in adulthood.

My British partner rolls his eyes and cracks on regardless! You should too.