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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Criticised over my eating style

391 replies

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:12

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

OP posts:
murasaki · 27/05/2025 13:20

A side bowl or plate, fine.

The communal bowl, double and treble dipping as he goes? Yuck.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 27/05/2025 13:22

I actually can't believe he had the audacity to comment on your eating style when his is so disgustingly awful.

BangersAndGnash · 27/05/2025 13:22

I wouldn’t take enough notice to get angry or upset.

Just shrug and say ‘this is how I like it. It’s not disgusting just different’ in a firm manner.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:22

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:17

It's fine to eat salad in its own bowl. Putting it on a plate with the entree is a bit odd.

Oh no, he eats it out of the big bowl instead of of serving it individually?

Ewwww.

Edited

That’s the bit I don’t understand why is it odd to put it on the same plate ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:23

BangersAndGnash · 27/05/2025 13:22

I wouldn’t take enough notice to get angry or upset.

Just shrug and say ‘this is how I like it. It’s not disgusting just different’ in a firm manner.

That’s what I said and he said I was overeacting

OP posts:
Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:23

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:19

Tough. She posted is it unreasonable. Yes, eating once a day is unreasonable.

I wasn’t asking if eating once a day is unreasonable

OP posts:
FadedRed · 27/05/2025 13:25

@ outerspacepotato · Today 13:17

It's fine to eat salad in its own bowl. Putting it on a plate with the entree is a bit odd.

We put salad on the same plate as hot food all the time, nowt odd about doing that. Eating out of a communal salad serving bowl is unacceptable, you take your salad portion out of the big bowl using salad serving cutlery and place it on your own plate, you do not go back to a communal dish with your used personal cutlery.

BangersAndGnash · 27/05/2025 13:25

If I have had someone’s tongue (etc) in my mouth I am unlikely to get worked up about their licked fork in my salad.

But hopefully he doesn’t do that in company.

Or at work.

HelloCheekyCat · 27/05/2025 13:25

Unless the salad was put on the table as a starter and then the lasagne brought out later eating them together is perfectly normal
I think mixing Greek and Italian food is weird so there!
I'm not as bothered by the multiple dipping, presumably you have shared saliva before (DH and I have shared food like this before) but the way he spoke to you was definitely out of order

mummymeister · 27/05/2025 13:25

You need to see this for actually what it is - controlling behaviour. He wants to control how you eat and so what is he next going to control? what you wear, who you go out with. You might think this comment is overkill but maybe stop and think about this and whether its the only thing he tries to control. I would be telling him very very clearly to fuck off and that I will eat my food any way I want.

JDM625 · 27/05/2025 13:25

If you had guests, would he still eat out the communal salad bowl??? And he works in hospitality? 🤢

I'm not sure why you can't still have another meal in the day, but his eating style is unhygienic! DH and I happily have salad with a lasagne, either on a side plate or heaven forbid- usually on the same plate as the lasagne!!!!

titchy · 27/05/2025 13:26

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:22

That’s the bit I don’t understand why is it odd to put it on the same plate ?

Show quote history

It’s not odd. It IS pretty disgusting to eat from a bowl that is to be shared with others though.

FortyElephants · 27/05/2025 13:27

He's more disgusting expecting you to share a salad bowl with him instead of serving your own.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/05/2025 13:28

I think you are both overreacting a bit. If you are both from different cultures these types of scenarios will come up all the time. There is no wrong or right way. He needs to understand that and not criticise you doing things your way. If he does you need to not see it as a personal thing and say this is how we do it in my culture. If he refuses to accept this then you have big problems but I think its worth a proper chat now and explain how it is not ok to presume his way is better. If this is a problem now I can't imagine the complications of Christmas or weddings or funerals.

Vallmo47 · 27/05/2025 13:29

OP I think some people are deliberately misunderstanding your post so they can voice their opinions on other things they think are unreasonable - I must admit I’m a bit concerned your partner could possibly be controlling, but that’s based on just this one post and totally up to you to decide. If you were my daughter I’d suggest eating more than once a day as well but I know that wasn’t your question.

To answer the question - no it is not unreasonable to put your salad next to the lasagne and the reason it’s not unreasonable is because you don’t mind mixing the two. Whether I or anyone else would eat like this is irrelevant. Your partner should not comment on this so he is unreasonable.
Some people do prefer salad on a side plate and to eat it before or after because the salad can mix in with the mince and then you’re eating the two together. I don’t have an issue having the two together so I’d do exactly what you did. It is not disgusting, your partner should leave you to enjoy your food.

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:30

I'm in NYC with a lot of Italian Americans and I was married to an Italian. Salad is served in its own bowl, not mixed with the main dish here. So it's odd to me.

But he shouldn't throw a fit over it.

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:31

JDM625 · 27/05/2025 13:25

If you had guests, would he still eat out the communal salad bowl??? And he works in hospitality? 🤢

I'm not sure why you can't still have another meal in the day, but his eating style is unhygienic! DH and I happily have salad with a lasagne, either on a side plate or heaven forbid- usually on the same plate as the lasagne!!!!

He doesn’t have another meal through the day and he shops quite specifically so there is not a lot of spare food to cook an extra meal

OP posts:
Reallybadidea · 27/05/2025 13:31

How's your relationship in general? Is it just this that's bothering you?

2ndbestslayer · 27/05/2025 13:32

He got really cross with you so you reacted in kind. He doesn't get to accuse you of overreacting when he got cross with you over how you ate your food.

Not a good sign that he's got you all turned around and upside down about what normal behaviour is.

I hope the eating once a day is your choice and not him telling you to do it to fit in with him...

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:33

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:30

I'm in NYC with a lot of Italian Americans and I was married to an Italian. Salad is served in its own bowl, not mixed with the main dish here. So it's odd to me.

But he shouldn't throw a fit over it.

Edited

Ok thank you. He’s Spanish but perhaps similar

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/05/2025 13:33

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:15

Yes straight from the bowl

Show quote history

@Fernandez54 ????? but that means he is putting his fork into a communal dish of food!! that is unhygienic

DontTouchRoach · 27/05/2025 13:33

outerspacepotato · 27/05/2025 13:14

Why do you only eat once a day?

Then you have a super heavy food like lasagna?

This does not strike me as a healthy eating pattern.

Where did the OP request opinions on that, exactly?

2ndbestslayer · 27/05/2025 13:34

Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:31

He doesn’t have another meal through the day and he shops quite specifically so there is not a lot of spare food to cook an extra meal

Show quote history

That still doesn't make sense. You say you don't live together but even so why not just buy food to eat? Or are you not allowed?

Original poster
Fernandez54 · 27/05/2025 13:35

Reallybadidea · 27/05/2025 13:31

How's your relationship in general? Is it just this that's bothering you?

He has criticised me on other stuff like when I wore jeans on a really hot day a few weekends ago, it seemed to really bother him

OP posts:
SoftPillow · 27/05/2025 13:36

I’m also southern European and would also not eat salad alongside a hot meal like this. Salad would come after, or before, but always separately.

My English DH would put salad on his plate with the lasagne. I might give him a secret side eye, but I’d never comment.

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