Criticised over my eating style

[Fernandez54]

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

It’s completely normal to serve yourself salad from a large bowl and place it alongside your main course for a casual supper

is this an American thing?

I don’t have a problem with how he eats and I think it’s tapas style so makes sense with the salad, it was the fact he had a go at me about where I put my salad. I’ve never criticised his style tbh

Thank you. Sorry, I did think it was weird if you did no cooking whatsoever!

Your way seems much more normal to me. I know some cultures will have a salad course first, before the hot food, but where does anyone "correctly" eat directly from a shared serving bowl? Anyone who does that certainly doesn't get to call anyone else disgusting!

I do remember c. 1990, ILs were shocked when they visited long lost Scandinavian relatives (in UK) who served salad on the side of a hot meal. I mean properly shocked, outraged in fact, so maybe this is something we've adopted from continental cousins over the last few decades?

Do you sit in his house all day/evening not eating, waiting for him to come home and cook food? You have no chance to eat elsewhere??

If the lettuce doesn’t touch the lasagne it’s fine.
If the lasagne is warming up the lettuce then I think it’s grounds for him to leave you tbh.

Communal salad is weird.
Maybe you guys need to think about side plates... then everyone is happy.

Maybe that is why he was so horrified. I don’t think I could of eaten the salad after my lasagna he always makes big portions.

Yes, me too! If I make jacket potatoe with beans, I’ll spread a few of the warm beans over my little salad on the same plate and towards the end everything will be a free for all of all the different food types! Never knew that would make me a monster in some peoples eyes! 😅

@Fernandez54 tbh if my DP said that to me I’d be saying “Really? It’s not that deep and let’s agree not to put each other down over such trivial things” 😑

What does that tell you then?

Does this sound like a man you want to build a life with?

🤣🤣🤣

Calling lasagne “super heavy food” does not come across as healthy either.

it’s lasagne. Food. There is nothing unhealthy about lasagne ffs.

stop judging what others eat.

Not according to the folks who practice Time restricted eating! In fact there's research supporting the OMAD lifestyle

Even though this is a "silly" issue, I wouldn't take this lightly.
The fact that he felt he had the right to tell you off and be controlling speaks to a broader issue. This is a huge red flag imo.

(also eating out of a communal bowl would make me vomit. I can't think of anything worse).

No yesterday we had the day off together as it was bank holiday. Usually I’m at work through the day and I go across in the evenings. I do eat at my house

I would defo have both together on the plate.

OP tell him to bugger off and do your own thing.

Also you hadn’t eaten all day (!) and it was 9pm so you’re going to be a bit hangry.

Don’t let his weird eating times and weird eating rules affect how you enjoy food. If you want to eat at a normal time then just eat earlier. No need to wait for him!

so why do you stay with him?

I know - that wasn't aimed at you, but the dozens of "eww" comments in the first few pages.

My second point though is very true - I've been in a cross cultural marriage for a long time now, and most of our friends are the same. It requires both parties to deal with cultural differences in an understanding way. "I do that, you do this.. isn't it funny.. that's part of what we love about each other.." etc. if one person can't do this, and makes a habbit of judging someone based on just their culture, then the relationship won't last. Especially if children are ever involved.
If he is a reasonable guy I'm sure he can explain and apologize for the over reaction, and then agree that you both need to tolerate and understand your cultural differences. If not then.. put up with it for as long as you can if you want to.

This, coupled with the way he tells you off does not paint a happy picture...

I’m team “salad doesn’t belong on a plate with hot food” – it’s for before or after, not all cosying up where it doesn’t belong. But I’m also on team “I want salad on my plate, served from a communal bowl but not eaten directly from the communal bowl”. So, you’re both equally unreasonable, which means ideally you’ll stay together keeping your unreasonableness to yourselves; but perhaps incompatible, salad-wise.

Why don’t you eat food during the day?

We were taught to put salad on a separate plate when eating hot food like pasta/lasagna or anything with a hot sauce (eg steak with a mushroom sauce) - so we would all be given a plate for lasagna, and a separate plate for salad. I do not understand the way english peopel put salad on the same plate. If I am offered salad AND lasagna and only one plate I will choose to eat one first, THEN the other.

But as long as you don't care that I will choose to keep my salad and my lasagna separate, i will not comment or care that you choose to put them ont he same plate, at the same time.

So the issue here is that he is judging you for the way you do things and that is not okay.

It's definitely a cultural thing OP, but regardless of that, it's extremely rude to call someone's eating style disgusting and to get cross about it simply because it's different to yours.

You respect his eating style, so he needs to respect yours.

I would eat lasagne and salad on the same plate too, and I'd be very unimpressed if someone 'told me off' like that. It's just a preference and differs depending on how you were brought up/ what you're used to.

You mean main course?

an entree is a starter, which would be the salad.

i have no issues eating salad with a main, on the same plate or not. Unless I had it as a separate starter, but at home we’d do the less formal serve it at the same time.

Tell that thats how the french do it. Wuiche and salad, lasagna and salad (not garlic bread as we dont do double carbs), moussaka and salad

Most of those replying here would hate eating in China, eating out you literally have a gigantic lazy Susan in the middle of the table and all the dishes are served to there and everyone dips their chopsticks in the same dishes repeatedly. And at home it's the same only without the big spinning part in the middle.
They did start having special individual serving chopsticks in places when COVID was a thing, but I don't know how many use them.