I just don't have enough money

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Me and my husband are really struggling with money at the moment for the first time in our whole lives.

We have been together pretty much all of our adult lives.
We were on one income for nearly 10 years while I was a sahm, in all that time we never once had any worry about paying our bills and even managed to save 15k for a house deposit (first in our whole family to buy a house, took years of hard saving to try to get us out of renting)

Now I have had a job for the past 2 years so our money should have increased but its felt even tighter due to prices of everything increasing, of course our children are getting older too so we are feeding them more and other expenses such as bus fair etc is cropping up.

I started taking in ironing and cleaning as new way of making a bit of money on the side as things are getting tight. I made £85 this month on the side and this is the first time in our entire lives that we have struggled to pay the mortgage.
Thankfully we have always had a couple of hundred in savings which we dipped into for this months mortgage payment.

we shop second hand and cook from scratch, I follow all the tips and tricks to save money (batch cooking, paying in cash etc ) I follow martin Lewis and save save save every penny and its just not enough.

I had to decline 2 party invitations for my children this month because I couldn't justify the cost of 2 cards, 2 sets of bus fair. didn't even think about the fiver to put in the card.

I just don't get it, we both work. I even made some money on the side this month and I had to say no to a child's birthday party for 2 of my children.

we don't even drive so I couldn't even save money that way.

I don't know why I'm posting a moany little rant but I'm so stressed, our savings have been depleted by bills despite us living even more modestly than when we were on 1 income. I just don't fucking get how I can get more money.

Maybe some people should learn not to assume anything, about another person's personal situation. Some of these replies are bordering on overstepping rudeness.

Am sorry OP.
Not being able to pay for nice things for your kids - especially if you were able to do the same thing when you were a kid and as they aren’t expensive things - is distressing.
As a fellow mum, I would not be upset if my child had one birthday present less, if it meant their friend could come. Honestly!
Lots of people here offering useful advice. Hopefully you can see some that’s useful.

Get the weekly hours up for either one of you or one of you find a better skilled job - easy to say, much harder to do, but since you are already asking for help here, am sure you will find a way.

We were never married, so it automatically went to his next of kin, which is the children. As I managed it in Trust for them until they turned 18, I could have taken money from it to support us, according to the solicitor, anyway, but as you pointed out that money is to help them on the property ladder, so I never touched it. So long as they are careful, and they both keep adding to it via odd jobs/part-time work, they'll have plenty left for a house deposit by the time they finish college/uni.

I worked two full-time jobs up until the youngest turned 18 and got her inheritance, and studied at the same time.

Can you or DH try to progress a bit beyond mw?

If you've a teen you must be mid thirties or so, you've had 15 years + of adult life to get experienced in your role and work your way up a bit. My friend started on the till in retail and progressed up to being an area manager. Look for careers that value on the job experience. If your manager or boss is off sick offer to cover for them to get the experience.

In things like nhs, or education there are ways to get qualifications while working apprenticeships etc.

What did you leave school with, any GCSEs etc?

It massively depends where in the country you’re living. I live in the north where rent is very cheap. I lived comfortably while on uc with 2 young children. One has allergies so I have to make 2 separate meals for them.

I can imagine down south it would be a lot harder especially if you have an expensive mortgage.

Op, if your husband is at home during the evenings can you pick up a couple of evening shifts at a supermarket or something like working in a local cab office if there’s one near you?

You and your husbands hours combined is about the same as mine. I do about 5-10 hours on freelance work and 37 hours in my main job.

I think the main issue is as people have said you’re both not working enough hours, it may have been enough a few years ago but unfortunately everything has got more expensive post pandemic.

And it sucks your husband had a pay cut to his hourly rate. How does that happen even happen btw?

But it’s just one place…..

It's obviously been hard for you

Literally no one loses 50% of their income to tax. That’s not how tax works. The most you can pay is 45% on everything over £125,140… so whatever you earn -£125,140.

You're forgetting NI I assume.

At marginal rates yes they do. I’m not sure how this is in any way relevant to the OP though.

Of course.

But however hard it might be to find work, it still needs to be done. You can't support a family of five on 45 hours of (relatively low paid) work a week - it's just not possible. It may have been 15+ years ago when OP became a SAHM, but it certainly not now.

The only way "out" of the situation they're in is to increase their income.

Yeah I had a friend with 3 kids and a partner. She was frequently borrowing money off me (a single woman) and complaining about being skint. One day I got fed up and basically told her to increase her hours, if she wanted more money - I know the hours are available in her work. She got the hint and stopped asking me for money.

And I say “borrow” but it was more like “gift

She only works 18 hours and always has done, her kids are all 14+ btw. Her partner works ad hoc - an average of 25 hours a week . I think some people don’t help themselves. The difference in her case is that her income is heavily topped up by UC unlike OP.

I don’t know how UC works but it’s interesting who gets it and who doesn’t. Maybe it’s because her partner likely doesn’t declare most of his income that she’s eligible and Op isn’t. Or also the fact she rents.

We are getting there, slowly but surely.

That's probably why I get so defensive about people harping about being hardworking taxpayers. I usually manage to refrain from posting what I actually want to say to that.

I worked 18-20 hour days, 4-5 days a week, and 12 hours a day (night actually, I worked one job days and one nights) the other 1-2 days, while studying and managing two grief striken teenagers one of whom suffered a mental breakdown on top of her already piss poor mental health and kept trying to kill herself, as well as taking on his dog and two cats. If hardwork were all it took, I'd make Elon Musk look poor.

Why her husband? What reasons she can't do all that? She is on £800 her husband is on £1600

I think the thing is that everyone has individual circumstances. There are a lot of well off mumsnetters who have zero idea of the reality of some ex mining town. Y’know the trilling about ‘people always need house cleaners and their ironing doing’ 🙈

Work is a damn site easier to find in wealthier areas. That there are ways in more deprived places, yes I’m sure that’s true in a lot of places. But it isn’t as easy as people on this thread necessarily think.

I know, I live in one of those ex-mining towns - one that often comes up on here about the shittiest places to live or visit, in fact.

But at the end of the day if you choose to have three children then you need to be prepared to work full time to pay for them. You simply can't expect to work part-time and be able to afford everything.

I know it sounds hard but nigh time warehouse jobs or supermarket shelves stocking pay very well. Also Amazon warehouse pays well for low skilled work, no experience needed I think they start at £18. Not ideal as is physicalbwork but taking 4-6 10-hour shifts a month can give you a great boost economically, at least until you get out of this hole. Aldo, they are always looking for people.

Agreed. If I offered to do ironing for people in my former mining town they'd probably think I was taking the piss. I'd never even heard of "sending your ironing out" until I joined MN. It's just not something we do in my town.

Remote work has made things easier, but you generally either need experience or qualifications to get into one of those because the competition for them is brutal. Driving is essential. The local crackheads who sit outside the closed down library would probably do a better job of running the local public transport service than current lot manage.

Amazon are awful employers.

Tbh I don’t get ironing anyway. My iron just gathers dust 😂😂😂

MIL seems to spend hours ironing her bed sheets, knickers etc. It baffles me truly. And I don’t live in an ex mining town.

You say you need to be there for school drop offs, fine. Are DHs working days all during the week?
The reality is the best time for one or other of you to work is weekends. Have you tried registering with some employment agencies.
There often is more weekend work as it’s less popular time for people with children at home. I live in an area that is poor for jobs but I do regularly see adverts for weekend reception jobs. You are both available so no childcare issues so one of you should be working then.

@Frequency
I'm glad things are improving, you've really been through it.

Nothing as awful as losing a parent here, but DH couldn't drive for a year (epilepsy diagnosed after a crash). DH is self-employed trade. We were fortunate FIL was able to drive him around, but couldn't do the hours DH usually did. This was just after Covid as well, so business had already took a dip. I managed to get a night shift job. I started off doing 8 on 6 off, but had to cut right down after I had a breakdown

We have 4 autistic kids and I know if I'd posted about my worries at the time I'd get a chorus of "why keep having more". I missed DC2s ASD for years. DC3 was born 6 years after DC2, and the best baby ever which is why DC4 followed quickly as the close in age siblings worked well for the first 2. And life was good then for us as well. My gas and electric bill would have most fainting in shock and horror!

I'm clinging on to a completely unsuitable job because I'm frightened about the future. But I do very much relate to the OPs feelings of fear and things getting worse, not better

i just put weekend only into indeed where I live, lots of care jobs, but kitchen jobs, cleaning, serving on a special weekend train service!, aldi etc
im in an area of very poor employment.

I do stack shelves at night but it is really physically demanding - it's breaking down the overnight delivery loads. A lot of lifting, often cold conditions and there's time expectations and targets etc (how long it takes you to work a cage).

As a short, fat, weak 47 year old, I would not recommend to others like me.