I just don't have enough money

[36912aceg]

Me and my husband are really struggling with money at the moment for the first time in our whole lives.

We have been together pretty much all of our adult lives.
We were on one income for nearly 10 years while I was a sahm, in all that time we never once had any worry about paying our bills and even managed to save 15k for a house deposit (first in our whole family to buy a house, took years of hard saving to try to get us out of renting)

Now I have had a job for the past 2 years so our money should have increased but its felt even tighter due to prices of everything increasing, of course our children are getting older too so we are feeding them more and other expenses such as bus fair etc is cropping up.

I started taking in ironing and cleaning as new way of making a bit of money on the side as things are getting tight. I made £85 this month on the side and this is the first time in our entire lives that we have struggled to pay the mortgage.
Thankfully we have always had a couple of hundred in savings which we dipped into for this months mortgage payment.

we shop second hand and cook from scratch, I follow all the tips and tricks to save money (batch cooking, paying in cash etc ) I follow martin Lewis and save save save every penny and its just not enough.

I had to decline 2 party invitations for my children this month because I couldn't justify the cost of 2 cards, 2 sets of bus fair. didn't even think about the fiver to put in the card.

I just don't get it, we both work. I even made some money on the side this month and I had to say no to a child's birthday party for 2 of my children.

we don't even drive so I couldn't even save money that way.

I don't know why I'm posting a moany little rant but I'm so stressed, our savings have been depleted by bills despite us living even more modestly than when we were on 1 income. I just don't fucking get how I can get more money.

I really feel for you and others in your position. As you are already following MSE you know what to do - the advice on the forums is sound.

It is very sad that you are doing everything you can (except killing yourself by working 24/7 as some posters seem to expect) and still struggling.

I have no answers sorry but hope it helps to vent to a sympathetic ear.

Not to mention she was working today!

Hi OP

Would you consider care as a role in the NHS? On the basic salary of a nursing assistant your take home would be £20k PA without any unsocial hours pay which would top you up.
If you could do majority of nights you would increase this and this would help with your school run hours.
You would get the opportunity to get some skills behind you, and in a year or two once you are more established there may well be progression opportunities available.

good luck

It is very sad that you are doing everything you can (except killing yourself by working 24/7 as some posters seem to expect) and still struggling.

People are just (gasp) suggesting that 45 hours a week of work between two adults is not enough to support a family of five

It is very sad that you are doing everything you can (except killing yourself by working 24/7 as some posters seem to expect) and still struggling.

There is always someone who has to resort to hyperbole.

I think people would have more sympathy if OP and her DH were working full-time and still struggling, or if one of the was just fired, or their childcare had closed without warning.

But it's kind of hard to sympathise with two healthy adults with three children who work 45 hours a week between them and are wondering why they can't afford basic living costs.

Life is expensive - if you choose to have three children, then you can't realistically expect to opt-out of full-time work for long periods of time. It just doesn't work like that, sadly!

710 mortgage
150 gas and electricity (varies month to month)
30 water
50 phone contracts (x3 for me husband and teen)
30 bus fair for teen
40 furniture payment (OK I forgot about this debt)
160 Council tax
15 streaming services
45 my travel
husbands travel varies

^OP's list, which is missing;

£14-£29 TV license, depending on how long ago you took it out, according to Crapita's website (not the point of the thread but £29 a month for the shit the BBC show? That cannot possibly be right?)
£20-30 toiletries/SanPro (possibly more depending on the teen)
£50 school lunches for the teen (£12.50 a week, that is how much my teens got a few years ago)
Packed lunch or school meals for the other children
DH's packed lunch
£400 groceries? (I've no clue how much it costs to feed a family of four these days. I only eat frozen chicken and veg, and the teens make/buy their own)
£20 haircuts?

And then varying amounts for clothes, school expenses, birthday gifts, white goods maintenance or replacement, house insurance, contents insurance, pet insurance, possibly? Kid's activities/pocket money?

She's forgotten a lot of the big things like insurance and school meals and all of the "bitty" things like a trip to the barbers one week, a replacement pair of school shoes the next week, a school trip the next week, etc.

If you cannot see how a family of four could struggle on what is effectively not much more than 1 full-time wage, then you've been incredibly privileged all of your life.

Your teens buy and make their own meals?

Do you give them the money or do they earn it?

They have an inheritance. The oldest earns an extra few quid here and there doing hairdressing for friends and family, and the youngest works part-time in my friend's shop. They can afford to feed themselves far better than I could. I do buy the basics, bread, milk, cereal, cheese, eggs, pasta, etc, but anything beyond that they buy themselves.

I pay all the bills and rent. I don't have enough left over to feed two adult-sized people on top of that.

And if they didn’t have an inheritance?…

I'm genuinely almost speechless.

Without knowing how much they have inherited (millions?) I'm staggered that you can't feed your own children who are still at home.

Surely that inheritance is there for houses or university fees to ensure a better future?

And they accept this as the norm?

Can't you earn more?

(full circle to the OP's thread.)

Food banks, I imagine, or I'd need to take a second full-time job as I did before they inherited, because, with only one adult earning, there is not enough to cover everything.

If I were that teen I'd be very unhappy indeed that I was not fed by a parent, while I was still in education.

Like, OP, when I am working, my monthly payment from UC is £0 (occasionally, if my pay is lower due to a short month, I get the odd tenner in UC), but as I do, technically get UC, we get free prescriptions and glasses, which helps.

It is very sad that you are doing everything you can (except killing yourself by working 24/7 as some posters seem to expect) and still struggling.
Hahaha! Come on. We’re saying “work full-time or the equivalent”. I work part time split over several days so I can do the school run, with the commensurately shit pay to match – but I have a second job (not a side hustle) I do over multiple evenings to facilitate that. Adds up to more than FT but I’m not killing myself 24/7, nor would I expect the OP to. Plenty of full-time jobs are 35 hours, or she could look for companies that run a four-day week on full-time pay – plenty exist these days, she’d still be able to do a school run and bring home the bacon. What she can’t do is carry on working very, very part-time, while her husband also works part-time, and make ends meet. It’s not rocket salad.

So same advice and comments as for the OP
Can't you get a better paying job?

Is their father around to pay maintenance?

I think this is more about wages than hours, given that you’re pretty much both on mw. That’s the problem with mw jobs though, everyone saying about upping the hours- I work in a supermarket and the norm is 20-30 hours a week, they won’t give you more regularly. People regularly beg for anything extra they can get. Said it to a friend who works in a large hotel and it’s the same

I think your situation is a bit different in that you're a single parent working full-time and still struggling. Neither OP or her DH work full-time.

I hope things get easier.

@36912aceg
You collect your own children from school, would it be feasible to collect others & look after them until their parents get home ?
Don't know the legalities if you are just "helping a friend", but it could be a "nice little earner".

Sadly, the twat went and died, hence the inheritance. I did tell him not to, but he refused to listen.

Those IT certifications and qualifications, and skills bootcamps I mentioned earlier, I'm doing those for fun. Like OP, increasing my income honestly never occurred to me.

Don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this but you can transfer some of your tax free allowance to your husband, as you’re not earning over the threshold.

You could defo get cheaper phone contracts too…once they come up for renewal keep the handsets you have and switch to a sim-only for like £15-20/month. Suddenly you’re saving £100/month.

if your husbands work isn’t forthcoming with hours then a second job might well be on the cards. It’s pretty doable, quite a few of my friends have taken side-gigs with security companies (working gigs at weekends), and the hospitality industry is crying out for staff…a wee bar job at the weekends, tips a possibility?

The laundry/ ironing sounds brilliant…able to do it in your own time/ take on as much as you like. Reckon you could be taking in an extra £100/ week with that if you popped flyers through doors/ put notices up on school notice boards etc. Loads of people are working too MANY hours just to stay afloat, and don’t have time for chores. You’d be a godsend to them!

It’s hard, I get it. About to go on maternity and it’s a nasty kind of stress to have…it infects almost every aspect of life when all you want to do is exist and live a normal life with your family. But there’s always a way through, just needs some sorting out in your head. As Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka says: “Plenty of money out there, they print more everyday”. Keep swimming.

DD worked weekend shifts at a hotel, days in the local shops and evening doing bar work.

Just because one employer won’t give you more hours doesn’t mean you have to stick to one employer.

Your DH works 30 hours a week? He can find something else to do.

You both need to upskill and find better paid jobs.

I'm so sorry.

But the inheritance went to the children, not you?
That's quite unusual. I assume you were divorced.

I had a point in my life (in my 50s) when I was doing 4 part time jobs, not all for necessity but because I loved them all.

Maybe you an find a side hustle? Or do what you do for someone else as a freelance p/t career?

Hi OP 👋
Do you have any school qualifications?
If you do, on the ‘make more money’ advice front, I’d pick a sector that has a significant lack of staff and try and get an entry level position, as you can increase salary rapidly.
For instance I work in the insurance industry and there’s not enough people to fill the multitude of vacancies there are - I see numerous broking and underwriting positions at £40k salary requiring only 2 years experience. Almost all are hybrid WFH and a few are FT WFH. You could approach specialist insurance recruitment agency people who could give you good advice on CV/opportunities. Good luck!

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