I just don't have enough money

[36912aceg]

Me and my husband are really struggling with money at the moment for the first time in our whole lives.

We have been together pretty much all of our adult lives.
We were on one income for nearly 10 years while I was a sahm, in all that time we never once had any worry about paying our bills and even managed to save 15k for a house deposit (first in our whole family to buy a house, took years of hard saving to try to get us out of renting)

Now I have had a job for the past 2 years so our money should have increased but its felt even tighter due to prices of everything increasing, of course our children are getting older too so we are feeding them more and other expenses such as bus fair etc is cropping up.

I started taking in ironing and cleaning as new way of making a bit of money on the side as things are getting tight. I made £85 this month on the side and this is the first time in our entire lives that we have struggled to pay the mortgage.
Thankfully we have always had a couple of hundred in savings which we dipped into for this months mortgage payment.

we shop second hand and cook from scratch, I follow all the tips and tricks to save money (batch cooking, paying in cash etc ) I follow martin Lewis and save save save every penny and its just not enough.

I had to decline 2 party invitations for my children this month because I couldn't justify the cost of 2 cards, 2 sets of bus fair. didn't even think about the fiver to put in the card.

I just don't get it, we both work. I even made some money on the side this month and I had to say no to a child's birthday party for 2 of my children.

we don't even drive so I couldn't even save money that way.

I don't know why I'm posting a moany little rant but I'm so stressed, our savings have been depleted by bills despite us living even more modestly than when we were on 1 income. I just don't fucking get how I can get more money.

The OP has started doing cleaning and ironing, though.
I agree the DH can't carry on doing an average of 30 hours and just expect it to pick up. They don't have a car which I assume a lot of those you mentioned do. Of course there are viable 2nd job options where public transport/walking/cycling works, but it does limit them. And I'm not suggesting they get a car as they shouldn't take on any other expenses atm.

I just find the posts laying into the OP to be a bit unnecessary.

It's really not good for children to grow up in families where parents sit round on their phones or watching TV hoping that someone will offer them work.

I think the problem is an aura of passiveness. OP seems to believe that her husband is "skilled" because he was mentioned on a website somewhere but as a PP said, that means nothing if those skills aren't in demand right now. There is also an implication of wanting work to find them rather than actually going out and hustling.

Since school hours are an issue, digital work would make most sense compared to shift based one. There are tons of areas right now with lots of earning potential but which require a level of self-teaching. Social media, AI, crypto, matched betting, etc. Obviously all of these fields are full of scammers so it also requires some learning and research to understand what truly pays off.

For example, not many people know that Facebook's Content Monetisation program pays a huge amount per month if done well. There are loads of creators from third world countries (India, Nigeria etc) earning thousands per month over Facebook. The only requirement is that everything has to be original including music (obviously). You can also earn via photos or even text although that's hard. There are people running ultra niche pages on topics like pumpkins and making money from it.

Obviously this isn't a pitch on how to get monetised. Just saying these opportunities all exist out there and there are no official guides or training for it. People need to just get out there and do work themselves instead of expecting the work to come to them.

I think people are just surprised that OP is surprised that money is tight.

Expecting to support a family of five on 45 hours of work a week is just bonkers to most of us.

But it's obvious that he now needs to find a different job, as this one is no longer suitable. I find it hard to understand why you are/he is confused about this.

This is it, it's not like this has come has a surprise when they've been dipping into savings for months now!

I beg to differ. OP and DH aren’t working full time and could fit in additional hours of study or move jobs and retrain. If you do access to HE the costs can be written off if you then go on to study a degree. If you need maths gcse to improve employment prospects then functional maths courses are available for free. Apprenticeships offer routes into career cranes. My own DH retrained via an apprenticeship as his old industry was massively impacted by Brexit and Covid so he needed to branch off into something different. I get it’s hard but aren’t most things?

I agree that benefits are there to help those that are unable to work or have fallen on hard times but I don’t think they should be used to supplement a lifestyle choice of only working part time hours. I think OP and her DH need to face reality that his job isn’t what it was and something needs to change.

So the taxpayer should pay someone’s mortgage?? Really

I keep coming back to the lack of planning.

It was a sheer luxury not to work for 10 years and being a SAHM, especially when the H was working in a 'trade' on an hourly wage.

All families know that work can change, even where they are professionals because anyone can be made redundant .

But the difference with not managing and managing is to have a safety net.

Even if they managed for 10 years on one wage, that was a time when, if OP had worked a little, like a Saturday job, or a couple of evenings, they could have had a decent nest egg for a rainy day.

It was living in cloud cuckoo land to have the luxury of not working for years and years when one person is on a minimum wage and it could change at any time.

The question now is his trade going to be in demand or is it something niche that no one wants now. Or is it the company doing badly and he might get more work with another one?

Him sitting around being miserable isn't going to change anything, he needs to be proactive and decide what next.

I feel really angry about people posting advising OP to hop on board the benefits train. OP and her husband need to change jobs or get second jobs, it’s that simple (and the right thing to do).

Benefits should be a safety net for the REALLY needy who are unable to work, not for 2 people with no health issues (as far as we know) and who are choosing not to be proactive and find more work.

Yep, the benefits train is being fuelled by people like us and my two DCs who work very long hours (in professional graduate jobs after years and years of studying) and lose 50% of their income in tax.

OP's husband has been looking for a new job/trade for 18 months. OP is also looking for more cleaning hours or a job with more hours.

Why are people telling her she/they need more hours as if they don't realise this?

I thought the UK ranked one of the highest in the world for reading and comprehension.? If this is the best, I'd hate to see the worst.

As opposed to all those bone-idle, unskilled nurses, paramedics, teachers, careworkers, nursery teachers, police officers, you mean?

The OP has also said their UC entitlement is zero.

They were also able to save up a 15k deposit when she was SAHM.

The OP has started up cleaning and ironing. I am intrigued by the DH's career, but that's just nosiness on my part.

I've been looking for another job and had zero success. I've done online courses to try and upskill, but I haven't even got to an interview stage. It is hard out there for some

I dont know much about benefits OP but surely you are entitled to something?? Especialky uf youve kids ... Apologies if you've already covered this point, I've not read entire thread.

Not sure what you mean.

To put the savings into perspective, yes, that was all well and good but £1500 a year is not a lot and think how much more it could be if she'd worked.

Is your husband employed with contracted hours? Is he clinging to trying to find work in a dying sector or applying for anything/everything he can?

As you say, it's not all bad: You've worked hard and saved hard to be able to get a house - the first in your family so hats off to you for that. It's a great achievement starting from nothing. But anyone who's struggled with a large rent or mortgage payment knows that awful constant nagging worry.

You definitely need to increase your income. It's good you've taken steps to earn a bit extra and perhaps you can build on that and put by a little of it each month. People always want good honest reliable cleaners and ironers. Can you also increase your hours in your present job and your husband pick up children from school on some days, now that he's not working full time or overtime?

He also needs to get some filling in part time work or a new full time job. Is he handy and could pick up bits and pieces here and there while looking for permanent steady work? Now that many tradesmen charge a fortune for small repairs or don't want to do those little jobs, preferring contracts on big building projects, there could be openings to offer services at lower rates for pensioners, single parents or young families.

Along with increasing both incomes the other priority is to manage and reduce bills. Obviously paying the mortgage is a priority. What's most alarming to me is that you have had to dip into savings for a few months to pay it. No wonder you are worried. That is completely unsustainable and a warning that you need to act. What has taken up your income that caused that? You can't let it continue. That way lies disaster. You need to fix the problem that has caused it.

Luckily there are things you can do, subject to the mortgage terms and conditions. The obvious one is to extend the term of your mortgage to bring down the amount of the monthly repayment. This would give you breathing space so that you can build up savings again for a cushion and security against future circumstances or variation in incomes and new jobs etc. Once you've done that you could then choose to go back to reducing the term again by paying more monthly. Extending the term means paying more interest on the mortgage overall so you may prefer to look at it as a temporary measure. I've done it when the monthly payment felt onerous and interest rates were high.

Read the terms and conditions or the lender's website to see what is the upper age limit for paying off the mortgage or the maximum term they would allow. Many mortgages will let you go up to the age of 80 or over or even have no upper age limit, so that you could have a mortgage term as much as 40 years, depending of course on your age when you take it out.

Another option is to remortgage to a better deal. Again it depends on terms and conditions. Read them to see if there are any redemption penalties if you want to change your mortgage to another lender for a lower interest rate. Also see whether your own lender has a more attractive mortgage you could change to.

Paying interest only, as a temporary measure is another option. I'm not so keen on that one other that as a last resort as it is potentially the route to a deep debt trap but again read the terms and conditions.

Exactly. If one of them was disabled or if they were both working full-time and still struggling then fair enough, but these are two people who are choosing not to work full-time. Why should the taxpayer support that?

What does your husband actually do @36912aceg does he have transferable skills , do either of you have a degree ?

There was a time this was possible. Not any more.

They are not choosing to work part-time. OP's husband has been job-seeking for 18 months. OP has also been job seeking and trying to find extra hours cleaning.

@36912aceg If you can, without outing yourself, can you post what your DH currently does and what line of work he'd like to do? Some of the posters who are helpfully suggesting he gets another job might be able to offer actual advice on where he can find training/which roles he should go for/which certifications or qualifications might be useful to him, etc.

The government-funded skills boot camps are good, and most of them offer a guaranteed interview at the end of them. Depending on your area, he might be able to find one that runs in the evenings or is self-paced. They do only lead to entry-level jobs, but are generally within in-demand areas, e.g, AI, Data, Cyber Security, etc, and have good progression opportunities. They might also be helpful for you, a lot of the roles are predominantly remote/hybrid and can be flexible.

Are you advertising your cleaning business anywhere? If you can give us more details on that, people might be able to suggest ways to increase your exposure. I can build you a decent landing web page with a contact form if that would help, and advise on hosting and SEO. You'd need to pay for hosting and buy a domain, but that's pennies.

And not only this, but have a surplus of £1,200 a month that seemingly disappears

They are not choosing to work part-time. OP's husband has been job-seeking for 18 months. OP has also been job seeking and trying to find extra hours cleaning.

Of course they're choosing to work part-time. The OP hasn't worked more than 15 hours a week in well over a decade, and her DH has been dropping hours for a long while now.

I'm sure one of them could have found more hours at some point - maybe it wouldn't have been in the specific field the DH is trained in, but that's tough shit, really. If you're really struggling, you'll do anything to pay your bills.