I just don't have enough money

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Me and my husband are really struggling with money at the moment for the first time in our whole lives.

We have been together pretty much all of our adult lives.
We were on one income for nearly 10 years while I was a sahm, in all that time we never once had any worry about paying our bills and even managed to save 15k for a house deposit (first in our whole family to buy a house, took years of hard saving to try to get us out of renting)

Now I have had a job for the past 2 years so our money should have increased but its felt even tighter due to prices of everything increasing, of course our children are getting older too so we are feeding them more and other expenses such as bus fair etc is cropping up.

I started taking in ironing and cleaning as new way of making a bit of money on the side as things are getting tight. I made £85 this month on the side and this is the first time in our entire lives that we have struggled to pay the mortgage.
Thankfully we have always had a couple of hundred in savings which we dipped into for this months mortgage payment.

we shop second hand and cook from scratch, I follow all the tips and tricks to save money (batch cooking, paying in cash etc ) I follow martin Lewis and save save save every penny and its just not enough.

I had to decline 2 party invitations for my children this month because I couldn't justify the cost of 2 cards, 2 sets of bus fair. didn't even think about the fiver to put in the card.

I just don't get it, we both work. I even made some money on the side this month and I had to say no to a child's birthday party for 2 of my children.

we don't even drive so I couldn't even save money that way.

I don't know why I'm posting a moany little rant but I'm so stressed, our savings have been depleted by bills despite us living even more modestly than when we were on 1 income. I just don't fucking get how I can get more money.

Contact your mortgage lender and explain to them before you get in arrears. A mortgage holiday or going interest only for a short while is better than getting into arrears. If you have overpaid previously remind them if this.

There's loads of tips on the Martin Lewis money saving expert boards.

One that my family does is pay for everything you can on a cashback credit card (we use Barclaycard). The first month is great, as you basically save a whole month of food and toiletries shopping, which you could use to top up the savings you spent.

You absolutely have to have the willpower to pay the credit card balance off each month though, otherwise the interest is eye watering.

Other options might be to extend the term of your mortgage. You would pay more interest in the long run but it can have a big impact on monthly payments. Perhaps you could put it back up again when your youngest starts secondary school and possibly start overpaying then too.

Good luck!!

care work isn’t easy but as others have said, needs must. And if they take on overnights or weekend shifts then it gets around the issue of the OP saying she has to fit around school hours; she can wait until her dh is home to do childcare (or vice versa)
If there isn’t enough money coming in, surely you do whatever work it takes to earn more?

I'm not really bothered if people think I'm lovely or not.

You can't expect to support a family of five on part-time work. The reason they're struggling is because they barely work 45 hours a week between them and have three children to support - it's not rocket science.

Two able-bodied adults with no health issues or disabilities need to work more than 30 and 15 hours a week respectively.

I agree, I just think there are plenty of other jobs out there that aren't quite as emotionally draining - retail and hospitality both need people willing to evenings, weekends and nights, for example.

That might be your town, but it is not representative of the entire country, so unless OP lives in your town, your anecdata is not much use to her.

When I was looking for work recently, there were 100+ applications for every role I applied to, some had only been up for an hour. If the jobs were remote, they had hundreds of applicants within minutes of it being posted.

I stuck up a sign in my friend's shop window on Sunday because my travel time is increasing, so I'm not going to be around as much to cover staff absence or holidays. The sign clearly stated the hours were ad-hoc and not guaranteed each week. 12 people applied within the 4 hours I was there. Only one was put off applying when I explained it was to cover my shifts, and I work on average 8 hours a month there. People are desperate because there are not enough jobs, prices are rising, and wages are stagnating.

Do you really think being kind will help the OP out of her situation?

It hasn't been possible for two adults with children and a mortgage, both working part-time in low-paid jobs, to live comfortably in most areas of the UK since the 70s. My mum was working part-time and my dad full-time in the 1960s to pay a modest mortgage on a house that cost them £9k. In those days mortgage rates were 6%+.

Why anyone should expect to be able to do it now, I don't know. If you're not working and earning, of course you'll be hard-up.

The facts are that I could walk you round my town and show you signs in shops, cafes, care homes etc where they are advertising vacancies.

@NewMoonToday - that would be fab if the OP was in your area and if she is, do you know that the vacancies are in walking distance or that there is a good bus route they can get when the finish work? The OP may be in an area where that isn't the case. There's certainly not that many jobs in my area - some of my DDs friends have been looking for ages, going round all the local pubs and shops where the hours might fit around college etc looking for work and having no luck.

You've already said there are over 700K vacancies.
It was only 2 weeks ago that there was a report that many younger people won't even get out of bed unless a job pays £40K

Yes - 700k vacancies and 1.6million people actively seeking work.

And that 'report' you refer to was a third hand comment made in the Lords Social Mobility Committee by a NEET expert who was quoting someone else and was specifically talking about a small cohort of hard to reach young people who live in high poverty areas and don't see work as a way of achieving social mobility - it was picked up by the right wing press and made to sound like all 16-24 year olds who weren't working were lazy dossers! (see question 74 here: https://committees.parliament.uk/oralevidence/15785/pdf/)

I've already suggested that if her H is skilled at some trade, and gets good reviews online, he considers setting up his own business (depending on what he does) if it 's an option rather than work for a company which is not doing well and has reduced his hours.
He could also possibly freelance to make up the lost hours- setting up a website is cheap if you use Square Space or Word Press.

I also suggested the same (in my following post) and also that he looks for additional work - but the difference is I didn't declare it to be easy - because for many people it isn't and not everyone has the skills to be able to set up a website!

How am I wrong?

LOL You're contradicting your own point!

I've said it's not an attractive choice of employment.

You've agreed by saying yes, that's right, there are loads of vacancies.

And yes, the jobs are mostly done by people who just want the money.

(Apart from the support worker roles which you seem to think are more attractive.)

I would not feel comfortable caring for vulnerable elderly people just for the money if I hated every minute of it.

I'd rather clean offices or shops.

The expenditure list is clearly not the full picture. You’re either not being forthcoming about how you’re spending or you might not be cognizant of where your money goes. Meaning there’s a good chance of being in the same scenario even with more money.

At the very least, you need to work out what you’re spending on.

If I’m misunderstanding then please correct me but are either of you working full time? You said your husband is doing 30 hours, can he top this up with something else while he waits for work to pick up? And if you are earning £200 a week at minimum wage that’s only about 16/17 hours? I think full time hours doing anything at all is the answer here if your own industries don’t have full time work available.

Exactly.

And the idea suggested here to check on 'benefits' [they have done] rather than look at your own skillset and what YOU can do to be responsible, rather than lean on all the other people working their butts off and being taxed higher than ever.

45 hours on the minimum wage for a family of 5 is never going to be easy.

Why anyone should expect to be able to do it now, I don't know. If you're not working and earning, of course you'll be hard-up.

Exactly - it's practically delusional to expect otherwise. Adults with three children need to work full-time to support them!

Yeo, apologies there for not reading properly @NewMoonToday

Support work is generally more attractive because it’s not as demanding as care work can be. Ultimately, needs must and you do what you need to do to keep a roof over your head. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I had three kids to support, a mortgaged house to maintain and no savings, if I were in a position to increase my income.

I can see how the OP's family has slid into this situation - it reads to me that the shifts available have dwindled for DH, rather than there being told only 30hrs p/w would now be available to him. And I'm not saying this can continue, clearly more income is needed. Just some of us do sleepwalk though daily life then get a jolt.

I hope the OP and her DH find ways to increase their income soon

I agree

Can your teen ride a bike?
can you switch phone contracts?
are you claiming child benefit and universal credit?
can your husband do a side hustle if working less hours eg odd jobs like mowing lawns for old people??

It gets so depressing that claiming benefits seems to be the default suggestion rather than increasing work hours or even retraining or returning to education.

Just replying to say this too. I was surprised to find out I was entitled to UC while working because my childcare costs were so high. They have an amount that’s considered liveable and will help boost you to that level.

Retraining or returning to education takes time and costs money, which if you’re already struggling isn’t possible without financial support. Not everyone can retrain quickly and easily while running a home and working enough hours to keep the lights on. Claiming benefits you’re entitled to while looking for a long term solution is no bad thing.

I agree, one can get used to thinking that a solution will come along and put off going out and tracking down the solution. I'm not completely devoid of sympathy for the OP, just surprised that she seems to have such unrealistic expectations. It's really not good for children to grow up in families where parents sit round on their phones or watching TV hoping that someone will offer them work.

Where I live, the best local painters and decorators and landscape gardeners are postmen and firefighters. Our local chimney sweep is a firefighter, too. As part of their contract, they all get odd weeks off to make up for long shifts and weekend work. They could just put their feet up and watch TV during their time off but instead they offer P+D, landscaping and chimney-sweeping services. Nothing to stop the OP's DH from doing a short P+D course at a local FE college (they love older workers) and then start a P+D business. OP could work with him and finish early to pick up the children from school while he works on.

Exactly. OP didn't work for a decade while she raised three kids, and now only works 15 hours a week while her DH works 30 hours - of course they're struggling!

But they don't need benefits, they need to pick up more hours. Evening shifts in a supermarket, or takeaway, or pub, or weekends while the other parent does childcare, or school hours doing cleaning, or dog walking, or whatever.

Very few people with multiple children have the luxury of working part-time.

I've worked in care with people who either didn't want to be there but had been pushed into the job by UC or were desperate for money but hated the job. It is not ideal for a number of reasons.

At best, you have staff who do the bare minimum because it is all they can manage emotionally or because they just don't care and the experienced carers are forced to pick up the slack (which leads to them leaving the industry in droves) at worst you get staff who are outright abusive to the residents.

It is also not the best choice of career for someone who needs a stable income due to zero-hours contracts and a high turnover of staff. You'll get 70+ hours a week one month, with no chance of holidays being approved because there are no staff to cover you. Two months later, the dozens of staff taken on during the recruitment drive (there is always a recruitment drive) pass their induction training, and you're suddenly lucky if you get 16 hours a week. Those staff slowly dwindle away, along with one or two experienced staff who have been pushed over the edge, and your hours slowly increase until you're lucky if you get a day off a fortnight. 4-6 months later, the process repeats and you're back on >16 hours a week.

And care work is not an unskilled job. You might not need a degree, but you need a lot of skill to do it properly while maintaining your own mental and physical health. You need the emotional resiliency to cope with being verbally (and sometimes physically) abused on a daily basis, whilst remaining calm and still ensuring the person abusing you is treated with care and dignity. And it is not just the residents who dish out the abuse; family members are just as bad, if not worse, at times. You need impeccable time management, physical stamina and organisational skills, because most days you need to find a way to fit 16 hours' worth of tasks into a 12-hour shift. You are also not "just a carer". You are a friend, a counsellor, a hairdresser and personal stylist, a cook, a cleaner, a personal shopper, and a PA.

It is not the easy job people seem to think it is.

Cancel all your subscriptions ie sky TV, Netflix, Disney plus. Barter for a cheaper phone deal and internet deal. I rung Vodafone and asked if they could do any better. They took 6 quid off my contract every month, which adds up.

I suspect that the list isn’t a full list of outgoings.

I think the rounding up or down and the word about and the 48 weeks in a year workings out are an indication that there is a need to go through every bank statement from the previous few months with a fine tooth comb to find exactly what is going out of the bank account and what it is being spent on and what exactly is coming in

Sit down with all your bank accounts and credit card statements and list down under specific headings (even down to husbands commute costs, your commute costs) every single out going and incoming amounts each month for the past few months and make sure you take account of one off and yearly payments. Make everything about how much per month you need.
Eg if your dc has a £30 per month bus fare for the 3 months he is in school each term. Then it is £30 x 3 (months) x 3 (terms per year) = £270 then divide by 12 months of the year.
£22.50. So even when he isn’t going to school you still put aside each month £22.50

Do that on everything and remember if you want to find out the monthly cost from the weekly amount, it is multiply by 52 then divide by 12 ( not multiply by 4)

Then you can look at where the money is being spent and if you can find anything cheaper (do you use a combination of cashback and comparison websites for things like gas and electric, home insurance etc.

If you don’t drive where are you shopping for food?

Would it pay you to get a taxi home from Aldi/lidl once per month where you can do a weeks shopping and stock up on food like tins of beans and tomatoes, sauces and other stuff that you use throughout the month.