I just don't have enough money

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Me and my husband are really struggling with money at the moment for the first time in our whole lives.

We have been together pretty much all of our adult lives.
We were on one income for nearly 10 years while I was a sahm, in all that time we never once had any worry about paying our bills and even managed to save 15k for a house deposit (first in our whole family to buy a house, took years of hard saving to try to get us out of renting)

Now I have had a job for the past 2 years so our money should have increased but its felt even tighter due to prices of everything increasing, of course our children are getting older too so we are feeding them more and other expenses such as bus fair etc is cropping up.

I started taking in ironing and cleaning as new way of making a bit of money on the side as things are getting tight. I made £85 this month on the side and this is the first time in our entire lives that we have struggled to pay the mortgage.
Thankfully we have always had a couple of hundred in savings which we dipped into for this months mortgage payment.

we shop second hand and cook from scratch, I follow all the tips and tricks to save money (batch cooking, paying in cash etc ) I follow martin Lewis and save save save every penny and its just not enough.

I had to decline 2 party invitations for my children this month because I couldn't justify the cost of 2 cards, 2 sets of bus fair. didn't even think about the fiver to put in the card.

I just don't get it, we both work. I even made some money on the side this month and I had to say no to a child's birthday party for 2 of my children.

we don't even drive so I couldn't even save money that way.

I don't know why I'm posting a moany little rant but I'm so stressed, our savings have been depleted by bills despite us living even more modestly than when we were on 1 income. I just don't fucking get how I can get more money.

You might be worth investing in second hand bikes if you don't already have them. This would cut the cost of bus fares, especially if you can put a kid's seat on to get little ones across town. Is it safe for your teen to cycle to school instead of bus? Even £50 on a bike would pay for itself in a couple of months. I bought my first small motorbike because it was cheaper than the monthly bus fare and meant I could get out in the evenings, these days it could also be used for pizza delivery another job option.
We are on Giffgaff phones, the cheapest monthly payment is £6 a month, which my teen son finds enough as he can't use it in school. It is payg so even if you miss a couple of months, you could all phone each other for free unlimited (for up to 3 months before paying another month).
I changed my job and doubled my salary and it is still not always easy with extra or unexpected expenses. I am also being taxed to the hilt because HMRC think I have 2 jobs.

The great majority of the NEETS are not included in the unemployed figures. The unemployment figures exclude a lot of people. They also don't include those who are under employed, a large figure.

Most pubs and other businesses are not closing because of a lack of staff. They are closing because they are struggling to make a profit as the cost of everything has been steadily rising for several years. The latest blow to SMEs if the large rise in the NMW and NI, combined with a reduction in the reduction in business rates for some small businesses.

I think nearly everyone agrees that the DH+/- OP need to looking for full time work/more hours between them but it isn't that easy anymore. This isn't 2025 and lots of jobs are going.

They paid out £50 one-off payment this year for their takeover of Virgin Money which brought them a huge boost in their finances.

They have also started paying out £100 a year, so long as the finances allow. To qualify for it you have to have a current account and either savings or a mortgage with them. Yes, it's worth having.

First Direct, an online bank with a good reputation, usually offers a generous one-off payment if you switch to them. But you can't qualify for it if you have ever had an account with them previously.

If you’re genuinely struggling then use the governments mortgage charter to approach your mortgage provider. You can have 6 months at interest only with no impact on your credit score. I used it when on maternity leave and banked the saved money each month to build up extra savings that meant I could stay on mat leave for longer. If you did this and saved £300 a month, for instance, you would have an extra £1800 in savings by the end of the 6 months and it gives you 6 months breathing space to get better work for one/both of you.

Have a look at entitledto.co.uk. I just entered information based on your post, guessing some bits here and there in terms of where you live and ages of children (i.e. no childcare costs) and based on the criteria I added, it says £72.91 UC and £43.30 Child Benefit (and a grand total of 50p towards your mortgage!) per week. If that was right £116.21 should cover a lot of your food bill.

Otherwise focus on the positives you've listed above. I know it feels like shit but you are in a more fortunate position than some (though I appreciate it's not a race to the bottom!).

Keep on trying to improve your income, whether that be through a change of job or extra hours where possible and/or side hustles like your laundry cost (but make sure you're not underselling your services there, considering the cost of electric and water!).

Be really mindful of your spending too, especially on the grocery shop as I suspect that's where the main issue lies. Are you buying only essentials? Packets of crisps and biscuits, etc, for example, should be considered luxuries if you're really struggling.

Do you need the streaming services? £15 a month is £180 a year. Could you get cheaper deals on your phones? MSE shows some SIM only deals at £4.40 a month for 3GB of data, 300 mins & unlimited texts with Lebara or the same company do a £4.90 a month deal for unlimited mins, texts and 5GB of data.

If you were able to put all 3 of the phones onto these deals, that's another £35 a month or £420 a year.

I know you've said you batch cook, but do you meal prep and have a list of what you want to make for dinner each week before you go shopping? I found I was buying a lot of unnecessary things before I started planning. It ended up saving me quite a bit on the shopping bill if I knew what I was going to make in the week.

In addition to both of you needing to work more – whether that’s two full-time jobs and better-paid, more stable ones; or if you can’t do after-school care, a combination of part-time, evening and weekend jobs to add up to 35 hours a week – I suspect you’re quietly frittering away small amounts all over the place but not calculating them in your monthly budget.

Just the fact you mention birthday cards and fivers in cards for parties – the norm everywhere we’ve lived has been for the kid invited to draw or make a card for the birthday kid. Presents of the bulk-bought from Poundland and grabbed from the party drawer variety, or a big pack of £1.50 Haribo or a coin sellotaped in. Buying birthday cards is a rinse.

Print out your bank statements and go through line by line, looking at where you’re leaking small amounts like a faulty tap. How much is the furniture debt total and what did you get for it? With incomes as low as your household you really shouldn’t be signing up to any debt other than mortgage: plenty of free and dirt-cheap furniture on Facebook marketplace.

That figure includes NEETS many of whom are not looking for work and are economically inactive. There is almost 1 million NEETS ( aged 16-24.) Not in employment or education.

@NewMoonToday - No, the unemployment figures exclude those who are economically inactive - in addition to the 1.6 million who are unemployed there are a further 9.2 million aged 16-64 who are economically inactive:

Unemployment
The unemployment estimates measure the number of people without a job who have been actively seeking work within the last four weeks and are available to start work within the next two weeks. The unemployment rate is not the proportion of the total population that is unemployed. It is the proportion of the economically active population (that is, those in work plus those seeking and available to work) that is unemployed.

NEETS data literally just means not in employment, education or training - it does not differentiate between those who are economically active and those actively seeking work. There were 923,000 16-24 year olds who were NEET between January and March - just over 1/3 of them - 325,000 were unemployed and therefore included in the 1.6 million unemployed figure. The rest were economically inactive.

The bottom line is that two healthy, able-bodied adults with three children between them can't expect to survive on two part-time, low incomes. They barely work a full-time job between them.

Yes, they can look into benefits but really they just need to go out and get better jobs - evenings, weekends, school hours - whatever it takes.

You can't complain you're broke when you barely do any work.

I would think the main issue is that neither of you are currently working (or being paid) a full time wage. There are usually lots of opportunities for care workers, although it isn't particularly well paid but many will provide training and there is progression if you can work in a care home.

Don’t be a dick

@BloominNora The facts are that I could walk you round my town and show you signs in shops, cafes, care homes etc where they are advertising vacancies.

You've already said there are over 700K vacancies.
It was only 2 weeks ago that there was a report that many younger people won't even get out of bed unless a job pays £40K.

Yes, increased NI paid by employers is not helping thanks to Rachel Reeves. Complete lack of thinking by Labour.

But the OP's situation isn't recent. She's been working for 15 hours for 2 years on a low wage.

I've already suggested that if her H is skilled at some trade, and gets good reviews online, he considers setting up his own business (depending on what he does) if it 's an option rather than work for a company which is not doing well and has reduced his hours.

He could also possibly freelance to make up the lost hours- setting up a website is cheap if you use Square Space or Word Press.

I have the feeling neither of them are really tackling the root problem which is getting more work, trying to upskill for the future and keeping a very very tight record of what they are spending.

I'm tired of seeing this suggestion.

It takes a certain person to be a care worker. You need to be invested in personal care for old people many of whom will have dementia.

It's no good being a carer if you're not happy to carry out intimate care with the elderly, and really CARE for them- take them to toilet, empty commodes, shower them etc.

It's not 'pleasant' work and it's not well paid.

You don’t need to want a career in care to work in the industry. Plenty of people do it on a casual basis, earning from £99 per week to over £1K. The work is easily available but certainly not for everyone.

I agree - there are lots of other minimum wage jobs that don't require the same level of care and intensity.

And that's why many old people will do anything rather than go into a care home!

Who wants someone who doesn't care for you changing your nappy or wiping your bum.

That's the truth of this.

Clearly some people here are out of touch with the care industry, which includes being a support worker.

Posters have not differentiated about being a support worker and a hands-on carer.

Sadly, the care system is not an attractive one as it appeals to people who just want the money as you're suggesting.

Not a case of being 'out of touch' but the harsh reality.

I wonder whether the OP became complacent. Her dh was earning £18 ph at his higher point which is ok but not amazing, yet she had the luxury of not working for 10 years and they managed to save £15,000 during this time! So I can only imagine they must have had a very favorable rental price. I wonder if they overstretched themselves getting a mortgage? Obviously buying is better as it gives them an asset but they’re now responsible for all the maintenance of the property and are subject to interest rates changing.

the fact the OP complains that if they were still in their rental, they’d get their rent paid for at least partly through benefits if they weren’t earning enough, and seems to think it’s unfair they won’t get their mortgage paid, suggests there’s an unrealistic sense of entitlement.

quite frankly, one partner not working for 10 years and then both on what’s basically part time hours is simply unrealistic to support a family of five. I doubt the OP will be back, but I hope she’s taken on board that the only solution is to earn more. Whether that’s changing the field they work in, taking on evening or weekend shifts as an extra or whatever, the bottom line is that they aren’t working enough hours to cover their costs

I have lots of family members who work in care, in all kinds of roles. The hours are long, the job is tough and it's certainly not an easy way of making money.

Sadly, the care system is not an attractive one as it appeals to people who just want the money as you're suggesting.

You couldn’t be more wrong. There are tons of vacancies out there, so in no way is it seen as an attractive industry to work in.

Personally, I would do what I needed to do to provide for my family and accrue a buffer.

Yes but needs must. If OP is so hard up, she would do anything.

I wonder if you’re overlooking some outgoings op, you haven’t mentioned broadband in your list, school dinner money (or do they have packed lunches?), wrap around care (if you use it?), travel - do you end up using Ubers if you don’t drive? Plus all the little things that add up - kids clothes, school trips, haircuts, prescriptions etc. You need to sit down with your bank statements and go through them thoroughly to see where it’s all going. I’d be surprised if you’re not entitled to a UC top up as well. I was on £2.4k a month in last job and got about £500 top up - granted that was renting, but the housing element is only a part of the calculation. Do the benefits calculator on Turn2Us and go through your last few bank statements. It is really tough at the moment, it’s horrible that a full time + part time wage isn’t enough to keep a family comfortable xx

You are lovely aren't you?

Are you eligible for any benefits? There are benefit checkers online (Martin Lewis probably has one).
Could be worth a visit to Citizen's Advice to check you're not missing out on anything.

I haven't read all of the replies, so probably repeating what has been said. Sounds like you have done really well saving for your deposit ect. Some things though:

• you said you were worried you wouldn't get any help from benefits with your mortgage if you really need it. I believe in some cases benefits can pay the interest part of your mortgage (if eligible). Maybe speak to citizens advice if you think you might need this or at least to find out if you might be eligible if your circumstances change.
• speak to citizens advice anyway to check you are not eligible for any benefits or other money saving sceheme (eg energy saving help).
• check you are charging the going rate locally for your cleaning and ironing. Our cleaner charges well above the local real living wage and I am happy to pay it as she is amazing + we trust her. Please make sure you are charging enough for your work.
• join a community larder or similar
• check if you can reduce or stop subscriptions and direct debits (sure you have done this).
• walk or cycle where you can rather than bus, although sounds like you are doing brilliantly to avoid a car.
• increase your hours if you can face it
• see what you or DH would need to do to get a better paying job.
• The birthday parties. Make all your own cards or get a cheap multi-pack of cards. I really couldn't care less if people bring a present or not, so you could always give a card only or just put £2 in a card or a multi-pack of books for £10 that you split up over several parties, rather than a fiver. Only if you think the parents won't be funny about it. Suppose this depends on the parents hosting.