I just don't have enough money

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Me and my husband are really struggling with money at the moment for the first time in our whole lives.

We have been together pretty much all of our adult lives.
We were on one income for nearly 10 years while I was a sahm, in all that time we never once had any worry about paying our bills and even managed to save 15k for a house deposit (first in our whole family to buy a house, took years of hard saving to try to get us out of renting)

Now I have had a job for the past 2 years so our money should have increased but its felt even tighter due to prices of everything increasing, of course our children are getting older too so we are feeding them more and other expenses such as bus fair etc is cropping up.

I started taking in ironing and cleaning as new way of making a bit of money on the side as things are getting tight. I made £85 this month on the side and this is the first time in our entire lives that we have struggled to pay the mortgage.
Thankfully we have always had a couple of hundred in savings which we dipped into for this months mortgage payment.

we shop second hand and cook from scratch, I follow all the tips and tricks to save money (batch cooking, paying in cash etc ) I follow martin Lewis and save save save every penny and its just not enough.

I had to decline 2 party invitations for my children this month because I couldn't justify the cost of 2 cards, 2 sets of bus fair. didn't even think about the fiver to put in the card.

I just don't get it, we both work. I even made some money on the side this month and I had to say no to a child's birthday party for 2 of my children.

we don't even drive so I couldn't even save money that way.

I don't know why I'm posting a moany little rant but I'm so stressed, our savings have been depleted by bills despite us living even more modestly than when we were on 1 income. I just don't fucking get how I can get more money.

Have you thought about pet sitting/walks? Often people need this during the work day ect - I used an app called Rover to find someone to walk my dog.

Have you checked if you are entitled to any extra help? If I remember, Turn2us is a decent calculator .

Either you or your husband need to work full time. Could you look at retraining to get a better job?

The OP was clear that they do claim UC but currently their entitlement is £0 - they said that's what's on the letter they get.

I imagine this can vary along with her DH's wage - so sometimes they may have entitlement and sometimes not, but it's good they are already claiming it, it may allow them access to some benefits.

People have used calculators and come up with £361 monthly from UC which does not match what the OP stated - I think the OP has gone on net figures rather than gross.

They do not appear to have added in child benefit which will be £200-£300 per month depending on whether they have 2 or 3 children (not clear)

I think they are a low income family struggling with a drop in income.

A drop in income means a drop in lifestyle - UC is there to protect their minimum income but they are just on the edge of it.

I think it's just hard when you have to adjust to a drop in lifestyle - it is the small things that change - like the OP described, the not being able to go to parties, perhaps a reduction in gifts for birthdays/christmas fewer days out, maybe no holidays.

This is a lifestyle many of us have led in the past and it is fine, not great, but it's okay and children grow up just fine like that - as I did and my siblings.

Birthday parties were rare when I was a kid and I'm not convinced they're that necessary - rarity actually can mean more value to them - same as eating out/rare holidays.

As for we're one of the richest countries in the world - not per capita, and we are becoming poorer due to demographic changes.

We are all going to have to adjust. We will be fine, as will the OP.

Not working for ten years isn't necessarily a bad choice.

Yes, they now need to prioritise finances more but you never get those years back and the family presumably felt it worthwhile for all sorts of reasons.

I took a career break of a couple of years when DDs were small. I was still earning with a small business but essentially was a SAHP. Yes, we took a financial hit but honestly I was on the point of a nervous breakdown if I'd carried on as we were. And I don't think I'd have been in the good position I am now career wise without that pause. I'm not sure if I'd have even been here at all, TBH.

I stand corrected. Who knew three kids with part time jobs was going to be financially impractical? Not me, my understanding is children are super cheap as are mortgage payments and supermarket bills. People with large families should have large salaries to support them, or otherwise downsize their families, mortgage expectations etc. to fit their budget.

Have a hunt for jobs and check places you may not necessarily have in the past. Aldi for instance pay reasonably well and have a variety of shift patterns.

My SIL switched from EY as she worked out she would be better off as shift pattern meant her childcare bill reduced.

I would say your not budgeting food cost really sit down and do it. Also easy cut backs are streaming services

Hi , sorry to hear your struggling. I been there .I brought 4 children alone. Have you thought about being a carer a few days a week. £13.00 + per hour . If you are lucky , your agency (if go that way) will have people in a area close together, walking distance .So you don't always need a car. Maybe try 3 hours a day . You get holidays and you will get money towards your pension Or work in a retirement home .This is what saved me from going under . We didn't have food banks either or much help either. The government is trying stop people coming in the backdoor to work in them .I worked at one that had 3 men from abroad , all unstable. No experience. It will give mums here, a chance earn abit of money . If you can struggle through , there is light at the end of the tunnel

The obvious answer is you both need to work more hours. Why aren’t you on full-time hours yet?

Everything is substantially more expensive though, I definitely feel the difference.

Op I think you know the answer, you both need to work full time. Maybe your husband needs a second job. 30hrs isn't enough.

You could look for full time work and get childcare for after school. I work full time and use an after school club. Yes it costs £11 each child but means I can work 3 extra hours so do make a bit of a profit for that time.

I’m not sure why your posts aren’t really landing. You’re spot on, there should be a decent surplus and coupled with op saying the money “just disappears” she’s either missed some costs out, or there is some other drain on money going on.

she needs to do a full month line by line look at the accounts and add up everything. Money doesn’t evaporate, it’s gone somewhere

The answer seems pretty simple - you and your husband need to work more.

Not working for ten years isn't necessarily a bad choice.

It's a bad choice here for many reasons.

Where does that leave the family finances when the other person earns a minimum wage and is unskilled (ie not professional)?

At least use those 10 years to upskill, do online learning or evening classes for the future.

Having 3 children when one person is 'dormant' economically for 10 years and the other earns very little is madness.

Sorry.

Your posts have been frustrating to read.

You or your husband could walk into a second job doing casual (bank) work doing care / support work. Or pulling pints, stacking shelves etc, I can’t believe you’ve let this situation go on for years but clearly you’re not great with money (no phone bills you say in one post yet later on you pay a ridiculous £150 per month for three phone bills?). You should take a forensic look at your income and outgoings to see where exactly the spending is going. There will be extra and flexible work you can do.

This. Why haven't you applied for universal credit?
Good luck it seems scary but it could be life changing

But what she’s posted so far means there should be enough money. And there isn’t. So it’s going somewhere.

I suspect OP won’t be back now. But it’s very clear she is overspending and doesn’t want to confront that.

It looks like income is the problem. You both need to find full time work - keep trying, you'll get there in the end.

She's not included Child Benefit either and ignoring the free hours of childcare she's entitled to - or was .

She posted at 7.33 that she was off to work.

Is there anything you can sell?
Children’s toys, clothes, unwanted gifts all sell well on Facebook marketplace and might bring in some money in the short term.

All the posters ignoring the maths and just saying “earn more”. Yes, that’s part of it but understanding the missing 1k a month might also be sensible.

After saying she couldn’t work before/after school because of the school run?

I get that it’s hard. It’s a fiddly thing to do and not everyone is handy with a spreadsheet but to understand her finances she needs to know everything in and everything out.

I agree. The cost of living made me sit down and go through my bank statements very carefully to see what was essential and what wasn't. I'm aware every month now of what I'm spending and make a shopping list on my phone which I add to when I run out of things so it's a live document of sorts. It's brilliant when I go food shopping because I won't stray away from it. I've saved loads of money since doing this.

I check my bank account a few days before pay day and if I have enough, and no expected outgoings before my wages go in, then I buy a few treats in the supermarket or have a meal out somewhere. I thoroughly enjoy those times because it's often a struggle having to cut back so much throughout the month so I don't go overdrawn. Hope it all works out for you op.