Partner wants to move into my house - How do I protect myself?

[newbeginnings91]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost three years. I bought my house in 2019. He had previously owned a property with his ex, which has since been sold, and he is currently renting a flat.

We’ve been discussing the possibility of taking the next steps and moving in together, with him being more eager than I am. However, I’m not sure how everything works. I would be perfectly happy staying in my current house and living together here, but I realise I need to protect myself. Surely, I can’t just add him to the mortgage without having a formal agreement in place first?

I made a significant deposit when I purchased the house and have also invested in renovations and repairs over the years.

Any tips? Should I reach out to a solicitor?

Yes you should and you don't need to add him to mortgage it gives him any stake in your house at all at this point.

Don’t move in together unless you are ready. You saying he is more eager tells me you are feeling like you ‘should’ . You don’t have to .

It would be a case of not putting him on the mortgage and deeds until either you decide to get married. If you decide to get married then you can get a legal document drawn up which protects your interests.

You can have this document if you decide not to get married but if on the mortgage then entitled to a share in the event that you split. Depending on where you are in the country depends on what the document is called.

Unless you’re also really keen, don’t move in together. If you do, you don’t need to give him a stake in your property. He can contribute to bills and you pay the mortgage, it doesn’t have to be a joint asset especially as you’ve not been together long and aren’t married

I don't think you should do it. He needs to sort himself out and buy his own property and not look to move in with you. It could be a minefield and you should value and protect your own independence.

Whatever you do though do not add him to the deeds or to the mortgage unless you are 100% sure that this is a permanent relationship with a reliable partner.

He doesn’t go on the mortgage.

I don’t think you are ready to live together or get married—its not in the cards but you should do the thought experiment.

I am sure if you ask him to get married he will say “but I just lost everything in the divorce so I no longer plan to marry.” So you should assume that he sees this relationship as one of convenience without firm commitment or financial ties.

If you want to move him in see a solicitor, take rent, act as landlord with respect to repairs.

you are not keen - so don't do it. and please never put him on the mortgage or let him pay towards anything in your house.

Agreed, don't do this unless YOU are ready.

You don't need to add him to your mortgage. He can either pay 'rent' or save the equivalent so that he has his own safety net should things not work out between you. (If I were him, I'd want to do the latter.)

Work out what shared bills would look like (and don't forget you won't be entitled to single occupancy council tax anymore).

Just as importantly, what will housework look like between you? (What sort of state is his current house?)

You can figure out becoming joint owners later on down the line.

Don’t do it! Keep dating.

If you aren't sure then your answer is "No, I'm not ready for that right now."
If you reach a point where you feel ready, then you ask your solicitor how to protect all your assets from this man, and you follow all of their advice. You do not add a random man you're dating onto your house deeds, that is simply giving him your deposit.

taking the next steps and moving in together, with him being more eager than I am.

I wouldn't even think about doing it until I was just as eager.

Say to him you don't want to at the moment but that you'll think about it in another eighteen months.

His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If he's fine with it all well and good. If he starts pressuring you, not so good.

What do you get out of him moving in? You sound young by the language you have used, do you see him as a potential father/husband? What will he bring to the relationship/partnership?

Get a cohabitation agreement, don't get married and make him a formal lodger with a contract.

Don't allow him to pay for any repairs on the property or undertake any DIY tasks.

As well as not putting him on the mortgage make it very clear that he is not paying the mortgage he is just covering some of the bills, frankly if he paid the gas electricity council tax and water and those bills went direct from his account and the mortgage went from yours it would be pretty clear that he has not paid for the house and would make a claim on it very difficult if you split up.

I know woman that moved into a man’s house on the reverse basis had children together fell out. She had no claim on it whatsoever and two small kids and her career stalled because her youngest was only two.

Don’t add him to the mortgage, you’d be an idiot to do that. Get a solicitor to draw up a cohabitation agreement to ensure he has no claim on your home

You aren't keen, so don't even think about it. Keep dating and spending lots of time together and it'll either happen organically or it won't and either way you still have your house. Do not add him to the mortgage. Telling him you're not ready yet should be a good litmus test really for the relationship and see what his response is.

Yes you must not put him on your mortgage without protecting your deposit and current equity.

No one falls in love quicker than a man wanting somewhere to live .
You own your own home ,he does not
I don't doubt he's more keen to move in than you .
Yes see a solicitor,to make sure he can't make a claim on your property when the relationship ends

I wonder why he - in rented accommodation - is more eager than you, the homeowner?

If you don't want to live with him then don't. If you do decide he can move in, then tell him he'll need to pay rent and sign a cohabitation agreement. If he balks at this, then don't let him move in. If he's fine to do so, then see a solicitor and get one drawn up. Worth spending the money to protect yourself and your finances.

This. If you’re paying the mortgage now, you can continue to pay it if he moves in, and halve all bills.

Domesticity kills relationships. Are you happy with how things are? Then don’t do it.
You’ll be doing the cooking and cleaning house organisation and resentful. Unless he’s one of those rare breeds that thinks having a penis does not excuse him from menial tasks.

There’s no reason you shouldn’t charge him rent. Set at at a bit below market rent, then it’s a win win for both of you

When my now DH moved in with me, I asked him to sign a tenancy agreement to protect myself. He happily signed and paid set rent a month. I then paid the bills/mortgage/repairs. Maybe get some advice from a solictior. A lot do the first 30 mins for free so it might not cost too much.

Brilliantly put!

One of the best lessons to learn in life is that you do not have to follow the social norms of dating if they don't suit or benefit you.

If you don't feel ready to do something then say no, you have autonomy and as a woman please make sure you put yourself first in all affairs, especially financial ones where you stand to lose resources or assets.