Partner wants to move into my house - How do I protect myself?

[newbeginnings91]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost three years. I bought my house in 2019. He had previously owned a property with his ex, which has since been sold, and he is currently renting a flat.

We’ve been discussing the possibility of taking the next steps and moving in together, with him being more eager than I am. However, I’m not sure how everything works. I would be perfectly happy staying in my current house and living together here, but I realise I need to protect myself. Surely, I can’t just add him to the mortgage without having a formal agreement in place first?

I made a significant deposit when I purchased the house and have also invested in renovations and repairs over the years.

Any tips? Should I reach out to a solicitor?

If he is eager because he says it will be cheaper and/or easier just don’t do it. Before protecting your property/finances you need to protect yourself from locklodgers.

Certainly don’t put him on the mortgage until you have lived together for over a year

is he asking to go on the mortgage? In which case I would have questions as to his motives and why he is so keen.

If not, and YOU want him to move in, he can. But he pays bills and living expenses, understands he isn’t paying towards the mortgage and, you can get a doc from your mortgage company saying he accepts that he has no claim on the house.

Then if it is successful you can look at buying somewhere together in the future.

Make sure his financial contribution is great enough that you aren’t just providing him with a cheap roof over his head

If you decide for him to move in he should pay a proportion of the mortagage (half his current rent payment) and remain off the mortage. He should tuck the other half of his current rent away as savings. Bills are split.

If you eventually decide to marry he should be added to the mortgage and his rental savings become joint savings.

If you decide not to marry and part ways at any point he leaves with savings to potentially buy a property, whilst you still own your property soley. Both of you benefit from reduced mortgage/rental for period you are together.

with him being more eager than I am
Translation: he knows he's on to a winner here, he will benefit at your expense.
You're going to be his sugar mummy cash cow free sex and dinner on the table.
Is that what you want?

Did he suggest that he be added to the Mortgage? That would be a red flag for me.

TBH, I wouldn't move him into your house. You don't as eager as him, and we all know there is no one more in love than a man needing a home.

If you do consider moving in with him, you might be netter to

A) rent out your house and rent somewhere together.

B) Have a solicitor put together a cohabitation agreement. Also make sure you have a current will.

C) sell your house and buy one together with equal deposits as tenants in common. But, keep any additional savings entirely separate so you have am exit fund.

I would be very reluctant to risk your assets. After all 50% of marriages fail and this isn't even that so the % of relationship failure is much higher.

He is pushing to move in, next it will be add me to the mortgage/deeds and then yo can kiss your house goodbye.

He knows that once he's living with you it will be much easier for him to work on you, to dominate you and manipulate you for his benefit.
He will resent the fact that you are wealthier than him. When your home becomes his home too the boundaries between what belongs to you and what belongs to him become blurred and it will be easier for him to appropriate more and more of what you have worked for.

God yes solicitor asap.

You can give generalities on MN and get a mix of good advice and poor advice. Or you can pay a couple of hundred and get proper legal advice tailored to you and your exact situation.

No brainer.

Although I love the quote 'No-one falls in love faster than a man who needs somewhere to live'. Words to think about.

Why would you add him to the mortgage?
unless he's got the same amount of money to invest as you already invested so you can share it fully 50/50 then keep your asset for yourself. However he shouldn't be paying towards the mortgage in that case but should pay half all the bills.

Don’t get married! That’s the quickest way to give someone a stake in your assets (house / savings / pension ) should you divorce, if you have more assets than them!

Make the decision about living together based on what you actually want out of your relationship. But do not put him on the mortgage or let him pay for maintenance etc without a cohabitation agreement or something sorted via a solicitor.

He can pay his fair share of all bills and utilities, and maybe contribute to having a roof over his head by buying more groceries or paying for a holiday? Since he will be much better off than when he was renting.

I can see why he benefits from moving in, but you don’t want him to, so just say no. If he wants to own a property, he can buy his own.

Don’t get married

This. Lots of peiole never live together. Don’t do anything you’re not happy about. ‘Enthusiastic consent’ isn’t just a sex thing.

Why would you do this? You've worked so hard to have that level of independence and now he wants in on it because he doesn't have any financial security.

Most people on here seem to think boyfriends should live rent-free if they move in with their partner. I disagree with this. I don't agree with them living rent-free and saving the money for a deposit as that deposit would only belong to them. I would agree to them living with me paying half their previous rent, so that both of you make a saving.

Don't even think of putting him on the deeds or on the mortgage. If you want to live with him (sharing ownership) then start from scratch. Sell up and put your money in with his, with a % stated legally.

His urgency to live with you, though, makes me think of a parade of red flags.

Protect yourself by telling him that you are not ready for him to move in. And draw a line. How he reacts will be interesting.

DD's boyfriend moved into her house after 3 years but her circumstances were very different. Her partner had his own mortgaged flat, he rented that out. He is named on nothing at DD's house, no bills, mortgage, council tax anything. He is on the electoral register at her house. They split all the bills.

They are now engaged, and will soon buy a property together. He is keeping his flat but has released equity from it to match hers from her house and they will buy together after they get married in the Autumn.

Tread very carefully OP, keep everything in your name, he pays you board and lodging equivalent to half the costs of the house (including mortgage as this is instead of his rent elsewhere). If he wants to buy with you in the future, he needs to save really hard to build up a considerable deposit. Only then consider buying together and protect your share of the deposit if it is greater.

I did this a while back, he went from renting to paying me rent which is half my mortgage and also half bills. He saves about 40% / month vs previous rent, and we share bills although I lose single occupier discount.

Made very sure he does at least 50% house stuff prior by testing spending extended time at each house and paying attention how he lives to see if we are aligned.

Used ChatGPT to draw cohabitation agreement for clarity, no solicitor. Updated my will.

All good a few months in, happy we did it but also happy I’ve protected my assets.

Our contract is for 12 months then we will review. We were dating for 18 months prior, both post divorce / long term relationships.

Omg do not add him to mortgage or deeds. Do not let him pay any household bills directly. Tbh I'd be tempted to make him sign a lodger contract but I'm paranoid

It didn't sound like you want this. If that's the case, don't do it.

What do you want to do? Do you actually want to live together or is it just convenient for him and the ‘expected’ next step in a relationship? How is your relationship in general and how would it change if you live together? This is a big step and you need to talk it through thoroughly.
Don’t be pressured because you own your home and it’s easier for him to move in with you. It’s got to be what you want.
Don’t add him to the mortgage or get married without legal advice. Protect your interests. He’s already had one failed marriage so he should too. There’s a lot of benefits for him here but are there any for you?

...Or perhaps he's just in love with OP and keen to move the relationship on to the next step.

They've been together for 3 years so it's a natural thing for him to want. It doesn't make him a bond villain or a master manipulator with sinister motives. Especially as OP has engaged in discussions about moving in together.

If OP isn't ready for him to move in that's fair enough but no need to overdramatize a fairly common relationship topic.

I know someone had to sell her home in order to give her boyfriend a proportion of the value when he left her for someone else. He wasn’t on the mortgage but had some bills in his name (which she often paid) but that was enough for a judge to say he had a claim. You really need to speak to a solicitor to protect your assets. This was a while ago , 7/8 years, but I don’t think the law has changed.

Having says that, I don’t think you should move in unless you’re really keen. You shouldn’t do it because it’s convenient for him.

I wouldn’t move him in. What for?

He can just be like a lodger paying rent - just make that clear

he’d only have a right to some of the house if you split if he could prove he’s paid towards repair and upkeep - so that’s why you need to make sure he never pays for any repairs or improvements, just rent and bills

if you want him to have a share of the house then put him on mortgage and adjust your deeds to tenants in common in terms of percentages around what’s reasonable seeing as it was your deposit etc