Partner wants to move into my house - How do I protect myself?

[newbeginnings91]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost three years. I bought my house in 2019. He had previously owned a property with his ex, which has since been sold, and he is currently renting a flat.

We’ve been discussing the possibility of taking the next steps and moving in together, with him being more eager than I am. However, I’m not sure how everything works. I would be perfectly happy staying in my current house and living together here, but I realise I need to protect myself. Surely, I can’t just add him to the mortgage without having a formal agreement in place first?

I made a significant deposit when I purchased the house and have also invested in renovations and repairs over the years.

Any tips? Should I reach out to a solicitor?

He is probably keen for financial reasons, and maybe hoping you will “look after him” too (housework, cooking…….)

If you aren’t really excited about it don’t do it. Honestly I would never want to live with another man again if anything happened to DH. Just don’t do it. You don’t have to, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

You don't have to have him move in at all, but if he does then yes consult a solicitor be sure that he'll get no interest in the property. Why would you add him to the mortgage? He can pay you rent.

Hold back for a while there is no need for him to move in until you are completely sure it is what you want. And ask some HARD questions, like what has he done with the money he got from selling the place he owned with his previous gf? Frittered it away or is it stashed in his savings account in case he has a rainy day? Exactly why is he keener on him moving in than you are about it? What are his expectations in terms of cleaning? Check out his current place, how clean does he keep it ( not counted if he pays for a cleaner, unless he is willing to continue to pay for one!)

If you do go ahead then he doesn’t go on any paperwork, especially not the mortgage. You will be paying full fat council tax, he will need to top that up, otherwise he can pay for stuff like holidays, food, going out, broadband etc.

Work out what would be a fair 50% of utilities, and work out what a fair rent would be in a comparable house share then make sure that his contribution covers what those costs would be but don’t call it rent.

Don't do it.

....Because most couples prefer to live together.
....Because they might decide to have kids and it would be preferable for mum, dad and kid(s) to live under the same roof.
....Because OP has engaged in conversations so is open to the possibility of living together at some point.

Are you actually asking why couples live together? 😂😂😂

Well of course he’s keen. He’ll be going from a rented flat into a house that you’ve paid for, he’ll have far less housework to do and he’ll think that he’ll have sex on tap. What’s in it for you?

If you are not completely eager to live with him, then do not do it. Once he’s in, it’ll be a bugger to get rid of him. He’ll be claiming homelessness and guilt tripping you into letting him stay and it’ll be you who is working later and feeling uncomfortable in your own house. And then, when you finally do get rid of him, he’ll be rumbling about how he’s increased the value of your house because he put a shelf up you weren’t even bothered about having and he mowed the lawn a couple of times.

Tell him that you don’t feel you’re at that stage yet. Do you think he’d let you move in with him if he wasn’t ready?

If you go ahead with this (which you shouldn't) and decide to charge him rent make sure you consider that tax implications won't you.

This.

Don't do it until you are 100% certain.

Even then, plan and prepare, financially, for the event of you splitting up.

You won't lose anything by doing this, and it won't hex your relationship.

What in it for OP? Also far less housework. Also sex on tap. Half of her bills paid for and a contribution towards her mortgage. An improved financial postion for her partner whom she has been together for 3 years and presumably cares about? Potentially improved finances (partners savings) for herself should partner become DH in the future?

Yeah you're right nothing in it for OP. Men are all evil. This one has cast his spell over OP for 3 years and is preparing the next phase of his plan to ensare OP before taking over the world.

Mwahahahahahaahaha!!!!!

You’ve never lived together before, it would be madness to add him to the mortgage right away. Living together is very different to being in a relationship living separately, you might not be compatible so you don’t want the stress of him having ownership over part of your house if you soon discover you want to end things.

Have him move in as the equivalent of a lodger, he pays his share of the bills and a fixed sum as rent. Have him pay you via direct debit and have him label the payment as ‘rent and bills’ so it’s clear this is a rental agreement and he won’t try and claim a stake in the house. Don’t let him pay for any renovations or he make be able to stake a claim. Consider getting a cohabitation agreement.

If after minimum of a year things are working well then it may be time to start thinking about whether you want him to be on the mortgage, but absolutely not before! If you do want to have him on the mortgage get financial advice and ensure a solicitor draws up a contract to protect everything you have paid in so far and a majority stakehold in the equity.

If he would live rent free in your house while you shoulder all of the burden.. he will be financially better off.

If he pays rent to you, you benefit from the increase in value of your property.

Could he buy his own property, rent it out and pay rent to you? You would both have to pay income tax on the rent.. but it would allow him to build capital through paying off the mortgage and benefit from the increase in value of his own property but it would mean significant costs associated with ownership.

If this were the other way round, woman moving into a man's property, she would be encouraged to protect herself, so that she is not left vulnerable and potentially homeless should the relationship end.

Don't do it unless you are really really keen to. Kick it into the long grass for a year or two and see what his response is. It will speak volumes either way.

Living with solvent women is lovely for insolvent men on every level.

🙄 There’s always one.

You’re so desperate to dig out misandry where none exists that you render yourself incapable of actually reading and digesting an entire post. She said ‘with him being more eager than I am’. You think she should give him a claim on her property and help boost the savings of someone she’s not really eager to live with? You haven’t uncovered a dastardly plot to do down the men of the world; you’ve simply told us all you’ve got a head full of custard.

@newbeginnings91 I think the first thing you need to address is why he is more eager than you.

I split from my ex in large part to fact that that he was overly eager (after just a year or so of dating) for us to sell up and buy together. My gut told me this was driven by the need to control me. He also had wanted to reduce his hours so there was an agenda there also for why he was so keen for us ti live together. I however listened to my gut and ended it. I feel many times men will say to women they’re not ready for a or b and on the whole, women will respect that but when it’s the other way around, women won’t be so open for fear of losing them/angering them possibly. If he were the right guy for you, you should be able to say you don’t really feel ready yet. I knew that I couldn’t say this to my DP at the time because he would blow up at me hence me doing what was right for me.

You don't sound too eager. Only move in if you really want.

Also no need for you to add him to the mortgage nor give him any share. Seeing a solicitor is a good idea. I know charging partner some rent is not a popular view here. But I'm all for drawing a rental agreement so his tenancy is protected and your assets are protected.

Draw up a legal agreement
He's a tenant, not a co-owner.
He pays rent & half the bills
You own the house 100%

@newbeginnings91

Before you do anything, see a solicitor. You need good legal advice on what rights he may or may not gain by living in your house AND how to protect yourself, your house, and your finances. Also take into account the effects of marriage and/or having a child together may make on his 'rights' if that's something you're considering down the line.

But just remember, regardless of him having rights or no rights, once he's in it may be hard to get him out again if you decide he's not for you.

After getting legal advice if you're still contemplating it, you need to make a detailed 'pros & cons' list and also think carefully about why you want him to move in and what you think you'll gain from it.

“When in doubt, leave it out.”

You must protect yourself and your asset. Seek legal advice. No need to make a song and dance about it. Just quietly see a solicitor. Then you will be more informed about what it will mean when he moves in and how to protect yourself.
Take it easy. No need to rush.

100% this.

No.
And double no if you have DC's.

It would put me off that he wants to move in not you both naturally making that progression… you are right to be asking questions as your gut is telling you something. Personally I would say you will sell and buy something 50/50 just to see his reaction

but its’s massively in his interest to get married- what if he says yes?

o/p he’s fine to move in, just make sure he doesn’t contribute to the mortgage or the house maintenance in any way. He can buy groceries etc with his share.

Don’t get married. Yes you can draw up agreements and pre nups but bottom line is marriage means all assets are joint if you divorce. A court can override any agreement.

see a solicitor to make sure you know yours and his rights.