Partner wants to move into my house - How do I protect myself?

[newbeginnings91]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost three years. I bought my house in 2019. He had previously owned a property with his ex, which has since been sold, and he is currently renting a flat.

We’ve been discussing the possibility of taking the next steps and moving in together, with him being more eager than I am. However, I’m not sure how everything works. I would be perfectly happy staying in my current house and living together here, but I realise I need to protect myself. Surely, I can’t just add him to the mortgage without having a formal agreement in place first?

I made a significant deposit when I purchased the house and have also invested in renovations and repairs over the years.

Any tips? Should I reach out to a solicitor?

Honestly I don't think you should, your whole attitude to the idea of it is negative and defensive, and I can see you resenting him for every little thing.
Even your thread title shows your uncertainty about it.

I think the advice would be different if a woman moved in and then had children unmarried - then if it all goes pear shaped she is homeless and no claim on anything and potentially working part time or not at all and making herself vulnerable. But if that were not the case i think a woman moving in and expecting to go on a mortgage and then having a claim on a property would be just as unfair.

Also ironic that you say I’m incapable of reading an entire post. You’re clearly incapable of reading an entire thread which doesn’t have that many posts.

My original advice was not to put the partner on the mortgage. Only when ready to live together should she charge him a rental fee to reflect her sharing her home space and also split the bills. That way both get a benefit if the relationship ends and nobody loses what they had before.

Your original advice is to make assumptions that he wants free accommodation and sex on tap. 🤣 . Oh dear god her partner wants to live with her and have sex with her! The evil
bastard. 🤣🤣🤣

Another one saying if you're not eager to do it then don't do it. Why would you? Carry on as you are. He doesn't get to move into your home when you're not keen.

You dont sound sure so dont ro it. If he does move in. Don't put him on the mortgage. Give him a tenancy agreement

You protect yourself by not moving in with him. You say he's more keen than you so don't do it unless you're equally keen.

Just don't put him on the deeds, mortgage etc. He shouldn't contribute to the mortgage either. Done, nothing more to it.

But I wouldn't move him in until you are keen. It's incredibly hard and messy to physically kick someone out.

Don't be forced into it if you are not ready. If you would like to live with him see a solicitor for advice I'd make it clear to partner if they moved in they can contribute to utilities only, house and mortgage in your name. His reaction will probably tell you about his intention

him being more eager than I am.

Just don't do it at all.

Just say no.

Why don't you suggest this contractual set-up:
Split household bills exactly 50/50
Split housework, shopping, cooking, house admin exactly 50/50
Have the house appraised by an estate agent and split the market rent exactly 50/50 (he will get the couples benefit of being able to have a nicer bigger house).

I think it's clear why he wants to move in more than you do. This benefits him far more than it does you.

I'm not saying that there can't be benefits to living together if you both really want it and are clear about expectations etc i.e., household stuff, bills, etc. There can be, but if you don't really want this and are feeling pressure from him to take that step-you could end up feeling quite resentful should you decide to cave in.

If you are going to do it, you need to protect yourself and your assets. It's all well and good walking into this with rose-tinted glasses on, thinking he's not the type to make a claim on something you've worked for and built-but if you break up and there's bad feeling-would that still stand?

Get in touch with a solicitor and draw up a cohabitation agreement, clearly outlining that he has zero stake in your property. Do not put him on the mortgage deeds. Don't allow him to pay towards the mortgage. Don't allow him to foot the bill for any major renovations to the home that could increase its value.

Be very clear that he holds the status of a lodger and draw up an agreement, stating such.

Honestly-his reaction to being told that he won't be having a stake in your assets will tell you all you need to know about his intentions.

In the end, you have to think about what you want, not what he wants. If you're not comfortable or eager to move in, that's your answer. Don't feel pressured to do so.

I have a boyfriend of four years, and we live separately. I have my own place and I don't want to move in together at all. Part of that is to protect my asset but also to protect my peace and my space. I know society says it's the "next step" and the "done thing" but why?

Do what works for you and if it no longer works for him-then it may be that you're not compatible.

Make sure you contact your mortgage company and get him to sign a consent to mortgage form if he isn’t going onto the deeds/mortgage etc.

You keep your house in your name and then buy somewhere together and he goes in 50/50 with his money earned from his sale.

protect the house

Be wary, OP. My friend is in a long term relationship (15 years plus) with a man, they still live separately but meet regularly and holiday together. She plans to leave her home (which she owns entirely now) to her grown up son.

Nope, not necessarily.

It is suggested to lots of women that if they move into a man’s house she should use the saving in rent to build her own security and buy her own place.

It’s only if a woman is having a man’s child that there is emphasis on having the security of being on the mortgage / Deeds, or marriage. The OP’s boyfriend is not making himself financially vulnerable by giving birth to the OP’s child, with all the consequent economic disadvantages.

Make sure you never give him any claim on any part of your property. You may choose not to have him pay towards the mortgage but he shares bills instead. He can buy a property he rents out to give him his own property security.

There is a big reason he is more keen on him moving in than you are.

What are you talking about?! 😂

Kubrick, I’m having a lovely lazy day and I can’t be bothered to spend it arguing with a complete fool, so fine, you’re right, I’m wrong. I hate all men, women can do no wrong. You’re just too clever for me and I retreat in the light of your superior intellect and debating skills. I’ve been outwitted. Well done you!

Why on earth would you put him on deeds and morgage?
Madness.

How often do foolish women do that and totally live to regret it.

I would be very very wary of any man being keen to move it.

Is he prepared to sign a strict lodger agreement?
Is he prepared to sign an agreement that he has no rights whatsoever to your home.

Protect yourself OP, because you will pay dearly for any naivety in this matter.

Do not allow him move in rent free, but helping with bills.

This will be him using you.
Don't be foolish.

Do not be rushed by him.
Women often regret moving in with men.
It often benefits them more than you.

Op??? Still there???

100 posts in of advice, any comments?

love the gaslighting.

You claim to be having a lovely lazy day yet you started by launching into a tirade on OP partner making all kinds of wild baseless assumptions.

Then you jumped on my comment when I pointed out how ppl should stick to constructive advice and not jump onto assuming the partner had ill intentions.

Then when I point out your hypocritical comments you respond with sarcasm and call me a fool and make out like I’m the one with the issue 😂👌

Yeah you’re so chill and laid back WilfredPies 😂 Maybe don’t engage with posters if you can’t handle a simple challenge on your opinion? Especially when you’re so vocal about challenging others.🤷

Speak to a local property lawyer.

Personally, I wouldn’t consider amending the deeds until you marry (and even then I’d have it written in that the existing equity is yours).

Id charge him something like 30% mortgage for now with 50% bills, to acknowledge that he’s not benefitting in the way you are. Then see how you feel after a year when you know how it’s going.

If you're "less keen" don't do it.

I wonder…. Is his tenancy about to end or landlord is selling up? Or he has debts and needs to save money?

If any of these apply then the timing of his ‘grand’ gesture is about getting a good deal for his own benefit, not progressing your relationship. On this basis it would be a hard no.

If he has children and wants to give them more stability by moving in with you then that’s an even bigger red flag - he should sort his own home out.

If none of the above applies I would still proceed with caution and definitely not put him on the mortgage. His reaction when you tell him you’re not ready for this yet will speak volumes.