Are older people obsessed with commenting on other peoples weight?

[ByZanyRubyOrca]

I’m a nurse and have previously worked in older peoples care, so usually around 60+ and find they (mainly women) are obsessed with commenting on other people’s appearances such as how they look, if they are attractive/not attractive but mainly weight comments.
Examples of real life comments “Isn’t Kirsty putting on the weight? Laura has lost too much weight and looks gaunt. Charlotte needs to wear more make up if she wants to find herself a man. John is getting too big, how can he even walk?

I also noticed when I was around 14, my nana would also make comments on everyone’s weight, even her grandchildren (girls and boys) so she would have been around mid 50s then so not old at all. Comments would be made to add context I suppose, but then she would just make comments without it being relevant to what she was talking about.

When I was 20, I visited my then boyfriend’s nana for the first time and she made comments to him about my weight, right infront of me, as if I wasn’t there. Saying how I was fatter than his sisters 😂 I wasn’t fatter than his sisters at all, in fact I was several stone lighter ( was a size 8 at the time) but even if I was heavier why even mention that or bring it up? She then offered me several of her size 20 jumpers, as she thought they might fit me as they were too big for her, despite her being a size 20. Nothing wrong with being a size 20 at all it’s more that she’s saying they were too big for her and I would fit in them, despite me being a size 8 and there’s clearly a obvious difference in size.

Has anyone else experienced this? I work with people in their 20s and people older than me and have noticed they don’t really talk about weight or make comments on appearance.

But you said teenager, so yes it’s a very ageist comment to make about a group who are prejudiced against due to their age. But maybe because I sound like a teenager in your opinion, I can’t understand that and my brain has not developed so all I can do is assume what you meant due to my own stupidity 🤔

I never said anything about 50 being old, so can you point out where you think I have said that?

But you are 50 years old, are you not?
Other people might have implied that, but I have no control what other people comment. So yes, you’re probably offended that some people have said 50 is old.

Never called anyone stupid for not agreeing with me, I did imply stupidity due to not reading the post properly and not being able to differentiate between language and being deliberately obtuse.. So yes, I’m pretty happy with that 🤗

Not at all. My mum would have been in her late 30s when she made comments about my sister's weight. My sister was a perfectly healthy weight- nothing big about her. But she sowed a seed and my sister has been focused on weight or thinks she's bigger than she is ever since. My mum still finds it funny to talk about how 'chunky' people are - not one of us could be described as anything other than slim. Strange woman.

No, I agree, you have not at any point clarified what you mean by "older". Other people have. (I assume you will concede that? Actually no I don't assume that 😂but I state it as a fact, that I can prove, should you want to argue about it).

I am not 50, no. I am younger than 50. Interesting though that that you think being considered "old" is something to be offended about. I know some over-50s but none of them has ever commented on my weight. While other people have said "oh yes my mum used to, so therefore OP you must be right" - my answer is "well actually only my mum ever has done, so maybe it's a mum thing rather than an older people thing". I am very sorry that this does not suit your narrative.

I see your Never called anyone stupid for not agreeing with me, I did imply stupidity and I raise you with What is it with people being too thick and not being able to read a thread. Do you know what "imply" means? Because it's not that! 😂

Anyway, I am glad you are happy. I hope you have a long life and get to reach old age, I feel it will be educational for you.

“I am not 50, no. I am younger than 50” you said this, just now.

But you commented on the post “ Would you date a man that wasn't married or had no kids by age 50? Which was from the 25/04/25 . So only last month. This what you said if you can’t remember:

Well, I am 50 and have never been married, and have no kids. I look forward to you explaining to me what's wrong with me and why someone would think twice about dating me, and have to ask strangers if they'd be unreasonable to do so.

So which is it? Are do you just constantly lie on posts to fit your narrative? Which is evident you do. Oh dear.

I agree, in my experience it’s those who I suppose are classed as elderly now so 80 and above. They are also from a certain socio economic class (the one I was born into) where they had no currency apart from how they looked and how clean their house was. I’d say a lot of them I know are very unhappy , were in very sexist marriages and are very misogynistic hence passing on the weight madness to their daughters.

that is my experience, i am not generalising at all. I didn’t know any educated women when I was a child, apart from teachers of course. They’d all left school at 15.

Yes! Examples over the past few months:

• Director of a play I was in saying to the male lead, "Don't stand like that, it makes your big belly stick out more."
• Costume lady saying to a female actor, "I'm not sure we're going to find a big enough dress for you. People never used to be this size."
• Director saying to same female actor, "You look older than MrsSunshine, even though you are younger. I think it's because you are bigger."
• My aunt saying to my Mum, "It looks like MrsSunshine is going to be big soon."
• My Mum telling me about this comment and saying, "She means you're getting there."
• My Mum asking my husband if he's pregnant, and laughing.

And that's just the ones off the top of my head.

I don't know how they don't realise how rude they're being!

Goodness me 😂 I repeat, lord help us if you get upset, if this is what you're like when you're not upset.

I am, to be specific, 48 years of age. I was born in 1976. 48 is often rounded up to 50, but is in fact younger than 50.

If it is so important to you to win then sure, I will let you. You are completely right, older people - but not all older people - are obsessed - but not actually obsessed - with commenting on other people's weight. And no younger people, except some younger people, would ever make a comment on someone's weight. Well done you, you just won the Internet! 😂😂😂

Meanwhile I will carry on going up to strangers in the street and telling them how fat they are, like all the other old people 😂

Yeah you’ve already said that hun, repeating it doesn’t make it true. But you do you 😁

If you are indeed 48, I mean who knows at this point, why not say you are 48 instead of lying about it. Because that’s what you did. You lied. And now you’re doubling down saying well 48 is often rounded up, I don’t know anyone who is 48 and rounds up their age to 50 😂 but you’ve proven that no one can really take your comments seriously as you lie and like to round facts up. Pretty embarrassing to have been caught out in a lie. But I guess it’s something that must happen a lot with you 🤔😂 have great day 🤗

All older people, or just your mother? You do realise that what you've said shows that you're obsessed with weight don't you?
Some of us older people don’t comment on people’s weight at all - were not a homogenised group FFS!

My late DM was the same. Always commenting on my, and other people's weight. I had to tell her tone it down a bit in public sometimes, when she'd start saying 'Oh look at that woman,isn't she huge?' in a voice loud enough that I was sure they'd hear her. I think maybe it was throwback to her having spent the years between when she was 12 and 18 during the second world war, when rationing was in place, and you very rarely saw an overweight person.

In the 70s and before, people were generally very lean, an overweight person stood out. According to Google 65% of the uk population are currently overweight with 24% of that percentage being obese. Being overweight now is normalised and then sometimes ‘young’ people, like you, take umbrage when ‘old’ people remark on it. Lots of people now are fat. 50 years ago most people weren’t fat. You’re unreasonable to say it’s an age thing. It’s just people with no manners being pass remarkable, some of whom might be above 50. 43% of people your age (25-43) are overweight so less likely to comment on it. You’re also unreasonable to call 60 year olds old.

@Soontobe60
same! Same age and never even owned bathroom scales. Didn’t have them at home growing up either. I go by how I feel not how much I weigh!
mind you, I might have a personality change next year when I turn the dreaded 6-0 and become OLD!

Hi, you’re talking about me so I’ll reply.

My post, as you can see in the title mentions weight. I have not mentioned anywhere in the post that these comments are only specific to fat people. I said comments in general about weight and appearance.

I also said, yes there is most certainly an obese crisis. I also didn’t call anyone over the age of 60 old, I said I worked in older peoples care, where we have patients that come on the ward from 60 years old. So you assumed that, not me.

This speaks to the view that it's generational, though. Your mum's probably about my age now, and I'd say my generation's more likely to be excessively interested in body size (theirs and other people's). My parents' generation were even more so.

My parents labelled me the fat one while they were in their early thirties. They praised me while I had anorexia 😒 then resumed the "Garlic is fat" theme after I'd recovered. It wasn't until I did therapy (starting at 45) that I realised I'm not overweight and never have been.

They themselves were terrified of being fat. Strangely, their own parents were nothing like this; the pressure must have been cultural.

Here's a bit of 1970s(ish) fat-shaming.

It's weird. My DM is in her 70s. Her DM was rather round and never mentioned weight or size as far as I remember. It is more that my mum is anti vanity. She doesn't want anyone to believe they may be attractive. How strange.

I'm 60 and would never dream of doing that.

My DM otoh had to be told to stop making remarks about people's shapes and sizes.

Back when DM was young (40s, 50s) young women were routinely shamed for gaining weight. Her doctor used to pinch her (!) at pre natal checkups as well as weighing her (and she accepted all of this as a good and necessary thing), and emphasised the need to gain only the minimum amount of pregnancy weight. DM was very proud of weighing less when she had her post natal checkups than she did at her first, and fitting into all her cute 1960s dresses.

I, 63, would just think it but my mother aged 85 would say it. She once said to my lesbian cousin, "I can't see the point of lesbians". OMG we all cringed. I'd like to say nobody behaves like this but I'm afraid repeated personal experience tells me that many of that generation do.
My grandmother said on my wedding day in front of everyone, he isn't good enough for you don't marry him. Thanks for not mentioning it before the actual day when it was too late to consider it, it certainly put a damper on my wedding day. I was furious.
Things were very different for that generation, wars and a lot of hardship and loss. It made them harder and more out spoken I think.

And my next post where I mention volunteering in an old folks home??

Read the thread.

I knew from the 1980s on not to make comments or 'judge a book by its cover'.

My mum was very free and easy with the comments though. Weight was the one thing my mum excluded from her 'don't make personal remarks about other people' rule, weirdly.

As young teens, my siblings and I really noticed her focus on weight and her comments when we were out about other women's bums or bellies, or what they were ordering in a restaurant. We took her to task but she never fully understood the problem and we employed short, sharp reminders if she started wanging on.

Her sisters never had the same preoccupation, so maybe it was a very personal problem of hers.

Yeah I think the last couple of posters make good points. Women in their seventies and eighties and more put up with a lot of body shaming from society and the medical profession. They just put up and shut up at the time. Maybe some filters have dropped. I don’t know. Imagine being pregnant and having to monitor your weight in the way described. Awful. My own mother was from that generation. I remember her describing her delivering me, and the treatment was rough to say the least.
But even so, she never ever commented on my weight or appearance. I think having recently lost both parents I feel quite protective towards that generation - and wish I could have given them more understanding than I did. They had tough, deprived wartime and post war upbringings, and in the case of women, didn’t benefit from equal pay and legislation until they were in their thirties.

Can I suggest that people stop posting g on this depressing, ageist thread?

You don’t like, don’t look then. FYI there are plenty of posts on MN about teenagers and young adults, people in their 20s. So I suggest you go on them posts and spew your ageist rhetoric on there. Literally hundreds of posts. But of course, only older people are targeted 🙄

But here is one, there you go 👋🏾

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5341005-do-todays-teenagers20-somethings-lack-resilience

Oh gosh when I was pregnant my mother in law told me every time I saw her how much weight she’d put on when pregnant. A stone apparently. I know that with the baby, increased blood volume and placenta they said two stone when I was pregnant so not sure if that was true but it was just so odd, why tell me that?