Are older people obsessed with commenting on other peoples weight?

[ByZanyRubyOrca]

I’m a nurse and have previously worked in older peoples care, so usually around 60+ and find they (mainly women) are obsessed with commenting on other people’s appearances such as how they look, if they are attractive/not attractive but mainly weight comments.
Examples of real life comments “Isn’t Kirsty putting on the weight? Laura has lost too much weight and looks gaunt. Charlotte needs to wear more make up if she wants to find herself a man. John is getting too big, how can he even walk?

I also noticed when I was around 14, my nana would also make comments on everyone’s weight, even her grandchildren (girls and boys) so she would have been around mid 50s then so not old at all. Comments would be made to add context I suppose, but then she would just make comments without it being relevant to what she was talking about.

When I was 20, I visited my then boyfriend’s nana for the first time and she made comments to him about my weight, right infront of me, as if I wasn’t there. Saying how I was fatter than his sisters 😂 I wasn’t fatter than his sisters at all, in fact I was several stone lighter ( was a size 8 at the time) but even if I was heavier why even mention that or bring it up? She then offered me several of her size 20 jumpers, as she thought they might fit me as they were too big for her, despite her being a size 20. Nothing wrong with being a size 20 at all it’s more that she’s saying they were too big for her and I would fit in them, despite me being a size 8 and there’s clearly a obvious difference in size.

Has anyone else experienced this? I work with people in their 20s and people older than me and have noticed they don’t really talk about weight or make comments on appearance.

I didn’t double down, neither did I say “ you should understand that I didn’t mean that” that’s you misinterpreting what I actually said. I said that I didn’t use the word “all”, it’s not my fault that some of you have misread the post and due to sheer stupidity, assumed I meant all. Do you always take things literally?

@ByZanyRubyOrca if you knew how awful an eating disorder can be you would show a great deal of compassion. I am firmly convinced thatt some of these oldies who are getting knocked on here have had lifetimes of restricted eating themselves, brought on my the societal norms they were subjected to.

I'm 59, and friend of mine had a mother who took amphetamines to remain slim throughout her life. She may well have commented on others' weights. I have no idea. But if she did, it would have come from a place where she was even more hemmed in by anxiety about weight and shape. Hence why compassion rather than condemnation would be appropriate.

The body positive movement (whether or not one believes it is a good thing on a population health level) has at least given people in younger generations permission to be the shape they wish to be or can't help being - a break if you like. I don't believe this was afforded to the generation above me.

Oh, and separately, I've caught a couple of posters who've moaned about older people's attitudes using phrases like 'stick thin'. Also not nice when you think about it.

As the mother of a daughter with an ED I am super sensitive to peoples' descriptors of shape and weight. But I do believe there were pressures on women in all generations. And of course EDs are rarely about weight or appearance. They are about control. a chance moment about being a bit rounded is not what sparked my DD's problems. Intense therapy has shown this.

This is fairly accurate for my mother unfortunately. She only speaks criticism.

My dad did this a lot towards the end of his life. He was in a care home mainly because of his physical limitations, had quite mild vascular dementia (he forgot words sometimes or forgot that he'd told us something before, but always knew who he was, where he was and why, and who everybody else was). But he seemed to have a bit of an obsession with how overweight everybody else was, and also with watching his own weight (he wasn't obsessive or starving himself, but completely gave up biscuits, for example, and nearly always chose the "lightest" option at mealtimes). He'd say things like "I don't know how that carer manages to do her job, she's so enormous" when the person in question was probably a size 20 at most, perfectly able- bodied, and my mum had been bigger than that for most of her adult life. I have since heard from a friend who worked in care homes that this is quite a common obsession!

My theory is that people of his generation grew up with rationing and in a time when there were very few fat people. Even when they're not obviously living in the past, those old values and norms may have entered their subconscious again - and the other thing is that people with any kind of dementia often have no filter. In my dad's case, we suspect he might have been autistic too- he certainly had some of the characteristics.

MN also loves to bash younger people, there’s a thread going around now titled “Do teenagers and 20-somethings lack resilience?” I highly doubt the people commenting saying I’m ageist will say the same thing about that post. MN also loves to bash children, Childfree, dogs, and windchimes. So yeah, not just older people is it?

I think it’s true of the much older people, not 60s they’re middle aged these days. I’m late 40s and never thought about it but do recall comments of such like being made freely among my grandparents. War rations, rarity of obesity is their day etc likely cause.

Not older people but certainly some people.
My mother in law and sister in law always commented and they seem to have passed it onto my husband who is much better now after years of me saying it is inappropriate.

Well your comment really is ignorant. How do you know I haven’t had an eating disorder? You don’t need to be the judge on who/who doesnt deserve compassion.

Do I always think people mean what they say, you mean? I apologise, I will in future assume that you don't mean anything you say, and are only saying it to provoke a reaction. I hope that will calm you down, as you are clearly really quite upset that people are reading what you say, and thinking you mean it.

Ah Lordy 😂 of course you will try an attempt at gaslighting, say I need to calm down and that I’m upset. But that’s what you do isn’t it? It’s okay, you’ve shown what kind of person you are, I’m not easily offended and know you don’t really have anything going on in your life.

I've worked in the NHS for 45 years and I'm 63, I'm bloody sick of the personal comments. I used to be really fat and I'd get comments daily about my size. You'd be so pretty if you lost all that fat etc.
I lost 5 stone recently and now I'm gaunt with ozempic face apparently.
I now just change the subject Immediately.
All this from people who are no oil painting themselves.

If this is you not upset, then lord help us all if you do get upset 😂

How old are you OP? You're coming across like a teenager. You still don't get that you've not posted in chat, where like minded people agree with everything you say. So what actually is your AIBU? Oh that's right, you don't have one. I don't think you're posting in good faith anyway, anymore than I did last night. Middle aged women upwards need not be perturbed by YOUR ignorance.

@ByZanyRubyOrca do you have an eating disorder? You haven't said. But maybe that's why the comments of your patients bother you. Although if you do it may be unacknowledged, because your comments do seem to lack the insight that someone with such a condition might have.
In all seriousness - do you? Because if you do then it reframes so much.

Touched a nerve? Okay. Lordy 🤔

It's amazing how much effort people (some people) put into nitpicking over generalisations and qualifiers. The same brand of time-waster forces us to specify "Not All Men" 🙄

Presumably they spend their lives campaigning for health warnings to be changed to "Smoking Often Kills", "Children Sometimes Cross Here" etc, and complaining about news headlines like "South Sudan Dying Of Starvation".

... Or perhaps they don't. Perhaps they have no real difficulty understanding normal language, but enjoy pretending to so as to sidetrack other people's discussions 🤨

Wow. I’m surprised you actually had the balls to say that out loud. Oh dear. You see what you did there? Your comment is ageist. But thanks for proving my WHOLE point that older people can make inappropriate comments 👏🏼

@GarlicPile 👏🏼 be careful they’ll be coming after you too 😂

Obviously it’s not all people of an older age, but I’ve found it’s a vast majority. To be honest the next time I’m subjected to this ‘weight talk’ about others (and it’s always from people aged 60+) I’m going to point out it is an older person thing to talk about and the younger generation tend to not really discuss it. All weight is up for discussion, too fat, too thin, people’s food choices, it is very wearing. Boring conversation.

I’m sorry you had this. Your appearance has absolutely no bearing on how you do your job, these comments come from the rude and tactless.

You sound like a teenager is ageist? Nah, you should be realising I meant some or most teenagers.

Yes a proud active Grandma, who does not comment on people's weight, or embark in ageist shit.
Also not a rude uneducated idiot like you, honestly is that the only comeback you have got. It's pathetic and not funny.
Engage your brain before posting.

Thank you it's pretty relentlessless but I'm getting hardened to it now 😂

I think asking someone if they have an eating disorder again just highlights my point. It’s completely inappropriate to bring up anyone’s weight irregardless if they are fat or thin, something that you who is 59 might not understand. People from my generation and the younger generations know this, some will still make comments but you’re taught in school, from a very young age you don’t make comments about someone else’s appearance, it’s basic manners and it’s rude.

No, you really haven't.

I am not over 50, which according to this thread is the definition of "older". I am also not the one going around calling people "stupid" for not agreeing with your assertion that older people are ruder than younger people (I can see the irony even if you can't).

But sure, if it makes you happy to think that I am old, stupid and rude, then sure. Let that be your narrative, and I hope that it makes you happy. ❤❤❤😊