Are older people obsessed with commenting on other peoples weight?

[ByZanyRubyOrca]

I’m a nurse and have previously worked in older peoples care, so usually around 60+ and find they (mainly women) are obsessed with commenting on other people’s appearances such as how they look, if they are attractive/not attractive but mainly weight comments.
Examples of real life comments “Isn’t Kirsty putting on the weight? Laura has lost too much weight and looks gaunt. Charlotte needs to wear more make up if she wants to find herself a man. John is getting too big, how can he even walk?

I also noticed when I was around 14, my nana would also make comments on everyone’s weight, even her grandchildren (girls and boys) so she would have been around mid 50s then so not old at all. Comments would be made to add context I suppose, but then she would just make comments without it being relevant to what she was talking about.

When I was 20, I visited my then boyfriend’s nana for the first time and she made comments to him about my weight, right infront of me, as if I wasn’t there. Saying how I was fatter than his sisters 😂 I wasn’t fatter than his sisters at all, in fact I was several stone lighter ( was a size 8 at the time) but even if I was heavier why even mention that or bring it up? She then offered me several of her size 20 jumpers, as she thought they might fit me as they were too big for her, despite her being a size 20. Nothing wrong with being a size 20 at all it’s more that she’s saying they were too big for her and I would fit in them, despite me being a size 8 and there’s clearly a obvious difference in size.

Has anyone else experienced this? I work with people in their 20s and people older than me and have noticed they don’t really talk about weight or make comments on appearance.

Exactly this. It makes no difference whatsoever. A lot of the comments I’ve heard just seem to be nasty for the sake of being nasty.

Any many, many nurses have met older patients who also have a nasty streak. You really wouldnt believe some of the racist, homophobic, transphobic, fat-phobic just to name a few comments that they make.

People who are lovely don’t feel the need to tell others they are lovely 👀

Just as well in your case 😉 😆 🤣

Cute. Do whatever you need to do to get that attention you crave 🤗

Agree.

My mother, aunts, and some cousins are over 50 and I don’t see them often for this reason. I went to the family reunion after not seeing many of them for years and the first thing out of several of their mouths was my body. I had only had my daughter nine months ago and a size 10. I was the thinnest one there. I’ve always been that way in my family. I grew up with them talking about my body and hating it. I have never been bigger than a size 12 and when I was close to a 12, I was pregnant. If it wasn’t my size, it was how little or how much I ate. Some would take it as a snub if I chose to eat less than them or not eat something at all. I could feel them watching me as I eat. My mother would constantly talk about what I ate or how much and would go on and on about it when no one even asked or brought it up, call me selfish for not wanting to share my food because she didn’t want to order what I was having but wanted a taste of it anyway and at times calling me a heifer.

It took years for me to be comfortable with my body.

In the 1970's a woman weighting 10 stone was considered to be hugely overweight, now its normal.

Sadly this is my experience of the majority of older (post-75 yrs) people, especially women. I'm in my early 50s. The exceptions are my FIL who at 87 is completely non-judgemental and a delight, and two of my elderly aunts.

For all other aunts, my mother, her friends, great aunts, grandmother and most of my friends' mothers, weight/food/dieting remains the constant basis of discussion (about other people and themselves) and the level of scrutiny and criticism are shocking at times.

I've called it out a million times since having my two dds - I have now just about achieved a truce, where it's not constantly spoken about to our faces. Given the continued commentary about others, I suspect that remains consistent about us when we're not there, though! My dds hate it but are well aware of who the exceptions are and love spending time with them. It's unfortunately a very common theme talking to my friends, too - every mother bar one is or was the same.

I think you really need to calm down,go to bed or find a hobby .Night night😴

Bingo 😂 why don’t you take your own advice sweetheart? You’re the one still commenting on MY post. You’re going to need your energy tomorrow when you yet again comment constantly on a thread you find offensive 🤭

I have noticed this as well. I assumed it was because of the diet crazes of the 80s & 90s (mostly aimed ay women) and the general message at that time that your weight was a big factor for your self worth. I know this is still around somewhat, but body positivity/neutrality is now a much bigger thing than it was then. As others have noted, I’ve also noticed the same people being very focused/critical of their own weight as well. Is it really sexist/agist to notice this if it’s coming from social norms that a generation of women were brought up with?

The 50's 60's and 70's were worse. They swallowed tapeworm to stay slim.
Or maybe the diet craze existed for decades post famines/wars until the noughties onwards was swamped with fast food places.

I really wanted to find your post ageist 😂 I'm 70 and beyond pissed off with casual ageism.

But I kind of agree with you. In the 2020s, it's not considered acceptable to comment on a person's appearance (unless you're gushing compliments like a fire hydrant of flattery). It's always been bad manners, to be fair, but people have always done it. The current obsession with being 'kind' and 'triggers' has put a dampener on that.

So, yeah, I reckon young people are less likely to do it. Not unlikely, though: you don't have to look far to find 20-year-olds slagging off one another's looks, and I'd say 30-plus people are just as bad as us oldies. More likely to preface their assassinations with "I don't want to be mean ..." perhaps, but that's worthless.

😂 sorry to disappoint you.

Agree that younger people also make comments, I don’t deny that. I do think younger people, especially the Gen Zs are more aware that making comments like that are unacceptable. But then my generation were called woke and snowflakes for it 😂 which I don’t have offensive at all even though the words are meant as an insult.

I promise that I am not the one looking foolish here. 😂

You are saying, I think, "well obviously that's not what I meant". However, if you meant "some" older people, or even that older people are more likely than younger people - you should have written that. The idea that saying "older people" doesn't mean "all older people" is a bit batshit 😂

It was definitely an accepted societal norm 20+ years ago to talk about weight. My dm always tells me who has put on weight and how awful they look. I remember her always pointing my belly out to salespeople in shops when I was trying to get new jeans or school skirts. Thankfully the younger generation aren't as harsh with their words, it's no longer acceptable to fat shame. Louis Walsh regularly fat shamed contestants on the x factor and that's not that long ago. I would never comment on anyone's weight, it's rude to even notice imo. A simple 'you look great' suffices. Nobody should be judged on their appearance full stop.

This is so true but people don’t seem to do that in life or on mumsnet. It’s always all people are this or that isn’t it. An absolute.

sane with people saying x is rubbish, instead of saying I think x is rubbish or in my opinion , or perhaps that’s inferred as it’s the person saying it.

in terms of the question, my mum who is 83 is like this, a nurse who was telling her something about her cholesterol was not listened to as she was fat , she did an impression of a large person by blowing her cheeks out to demonstrate as she was telling me. Obsessed by her weight and has been all my life (I’m 53) I think in her case it was because she’d little agency or power so being thin and having a clean house were her thing, makes her feel superior. I think it was currency in a world where she felt she didn’t matter.

This is so true. And we oldies also worry about the overweight children of these very fat people.

When I read on the S&B threads that someone is 14 stone and a 'size 12' I think not in my day luv!

As a teenager in the 70s I was 10 stone and a size 16 - that's how it was and it kept us in check, otherwise you had to shop in Evans Outsize.

My mum comments people’s weight too. She’s always been on a diet and fluctuates with her own weight over the years but she has to comment on weight and I find it bizarre. For example a few weeks ago I said I saw someone we both know and was talking to her about it and the first thing she asked was she still big, she’s always been quite big?!

My MIL is obsessed with weight. Her own and other peoples. Early 80s, very with it and active. It’s very boring and can be embarrassing too, when she loudly talks about overweight people she can see!

Quiet down Grandma.

Can people at least keep the same energy if they’re going to shout ageism?

There seems to be threads every week about how pathetic, weak, and fragile people in their 20s are these days (conveniently forgetting who raised that generation), people tearing the younger generations apart for all sorts, calling young girls “horrible little madams” etc but commenting on a trend of behaviours from older people is frowned upon?

And fat people just aren’t allowed to exist happily, are they? God forbid a fat woman posts a picture on social media showing off a new outfit. She’s glorifying obesity! Never mind the fact that despite her size, she’s still allowed to feel good about herself. Not once have I seen an obese person “glorifying” their weight, they’re not shouting from the roof tops that everybody should look like them. Seen plenty of that from the other side, however.

My 60+ relatives don't make personal comments. Thinking about it neither do their friends who are scattered across the UK and the world.

My point was you must deal with a very small number of people. And presumably who've picked up their bad manners from each other because it is definitely not that specific group.

I'm not offended for myself, just about what might have been a good post reduced to a narrow minded pop at a complete demographic/generation.

This screams to me that she has had a lifetime of disordered eating. Restricting what she can eat, and being miserable.

Id show some compassion

Yep my mum (81) is exactly the same.

I’ve recently lost a lot of weight and although it was great at the start… who doesn’t love a compliment … now it’s just constant. Our whole conversation is about my weight loss, as if that’s my only worth.

when I was heavier after I’d had my youngest son, whenever she spoke to anyone and my name was mentioned she ALWAYS made the comment that ‘of course I’ve still not lost my baby fat!!’… with a sad face -!!!
this was usually in front of me …

She constantly comments on peoples clothes, how they walk, their hair and makeup or lack off… and everything in between.

baring in mind my mum has always been overweight, and has never been a snappy dresser as it’s not important to her … but it is so important and almost insulting to her if someone else isn’t perfect.

it’s exhausting!!!!

And yes, she’s always been a judgemental person!!!