Are older people obsessed with commenting on other peoples weight?

[ByZanyRubyOrca]

I’m a nurse and have previously worked in older peoples care, so usually around 60+ and find they (mainly women) are obsessed with commenting on other people’s appearances such as how they look, if they are attractive/not attractive but mainly weight comments.
Examples of real life comments “Isn’t Kirsty putting on the weight? Laura has lost too much weight and looks gaunt. Charlotte needs to wear more make up if she wants to find herself a man. John is getting too big, how can he even walk?

I also noticed when I was around 14, my nana would also make comments on everyone’s weight, even her grandchildren (girls and boys) so she would have been around mid 50s then so not old at all. Comments would be made to add context I suppose, but then she would just make comments without it being relevant to what she was talking about.

When I was 20, I visited my then boyfriend’s nana for the first time and she made comments to him about my weight, right infront of me, as if I wasn’t there. Saying how I was fatter than his sisters 😂 I wasn’t fatter than his sisters at all, in fact I was several stone lighter ( was a size 8 at the time) but even if I was heavier why even mention that or bring it up? She then offered me several of her size 20 jumpers, as she thought they might fit me as they were too big for her, despite her being a size 20. Nothing wrong with being a size 20 at all it’s more that she’s saying they were too big for her and I would fit in them, despite me being a size 8 and there’s clearly a obvious difference in size.

Has anyone else experienced this? I work with people in their 20s and people older than me and have noticed they don’t really talk about weight or make comments on appearance.

You aren’t alone, every single conversation I have with my Mum (75) she comments on someone’s (usually a strangers) weight. Her current favourite target is anyone who’s larger and on a mobility scooter and god help us if we have to go to a hospital apparently everyone is there because they are so fat. I just stay quiet and make non- committal noises, I’ve tried calling her out on it so many times and it’s just not worth the argument anymore

I just think she has a massive eating disorder and it’s utterly warped how she sees food and ‘fatness’. She has been on a stupid diet or another since 1974 and weighs herself at least once a day. One of my first memories is her drinking some diet shake instead of eating and the only food in the house being bloody Ryvita. Growing up in the 60s with completely unacheivable body types like Twiggy and then the diet industry in the 70s and 80s seem to have done a complete brainwash on them. She’s horrified I don’t own scales and my 22yo has no idea how much she weighs.

DM who is in her 80s used to regularly find a way of telling me I was fat without telling me I was fat eg when folding some laundry "oh are you sure these are you knickers?! They must be VERY stretchy.". In the last few months I have lost about 3.5 stone and she hasn't mentioned it.

Apparently I seem to have “upset” some sensitive older people who think my post was “ageist” . I stand by what I said and asked. Just because you may not have had this experience does not invalidate my experience. Don’t like what I asked, scroll on and enjoy your day 👋🏾

When I see prejudice and bigotry I call it out - love.

PS - I’m not older.

A lot of people are very fat these days and it's not 'normal' to older people as it wasn't the case throughout most of their lives.

Your post proves it has nothing to do with age as you say your mother has been like that since the 70's

🤣🤣
if this was my neighbor i would totally be nipping in for a weekly cup of tea!

As an “older person” I can honestly say that I couldn’t care less what other people look like.

I’ve got better things to think about. 🤷‍♀️

We will all be old one day.

You appear to be the sensitive one because you don't seem to be able to cope with people disagreeing with you.

My dad is like this and always has been. He’s obsessed with weight and has always had disordered eating. His mum was the same. I pull him up every time he comments on my son who struggles with eating due to being ND. It really affected me as a teen and I won’t have it affect my child. I do think some of the older generation can really lack boundaries sometimes.

The faux naivety.

You would not dare come on mumsnet and say this is my experience of all black people would you? You'd be considered to be racially stereotyping and rightly so.

So stop with your ageist nonsense.

I agree with you OP. It's not ageist to acknowledge that people are the product of the culture they were born into and that attitudes and values change over time. My parents are in their late 80s and live in retirement accommodation. The weight obsession there is insane. I don't think I've ever spent more than an hour with my mum where she hasn't, at least once, commented on someone's weight. I'm 57 and am aware that when I was younger I frequently complimented other women by remarking that they looked like they'd lost weight. I'm embarrassed about it now but honestly it was down to my mum's role modelling. I thought that was how women greeted each other!

Of course it isn't everyone, but it is a tendancy I've also noticed OP.

My parents, mother-in-law, aunts - we're all very quick to comment on peoples weight - and are seemingly very good at judging who has gained/lost weight. It was difficult as a teenager in the 90s for sure, especially as I'm tall. And they still do it about other people so I am always slightly aware when I'm around them that I'm probably being sized up like a prize cow

My mum is like this. Born just before the end of the war. She’s spent her whole life being personally offended by fat people and only stopped making nasty comments after I pointed out that I was now fat.

apparently she likes me enough to stop

Ah gosh, that’s awful. I have had friends that have also said similar stuff and some comments have really ended up affecting them a lot and due to their own thoughts/feelings in weight have ended up with eating disorders.

No she didn’t comment on other people’s weight all the time between the 70s to 2000’s, she just dieted. It’s in the last 5 years it’s become relentless and in public it’s getting quite rude because she’s not saying anything quietly anymore. But maybe it’s just her ‘polite’ filter going?

I am in my 50s and have seen plenty of Memes on this so I do think it might be a thing for some older people.

I have seen it mainly in people in their 80s, though obviously not all.

My elderly dad always has to include people’s nationality when describing events. He is not white himself and I don’t believe it is racist. But he will always say the Cypriot receptionist or the Polish barber, even when it is completely irrelevant.. I thought it was just him, but then I saw a joke on social media about other older people doing this.

I think it is interesting to notice the behaviours of different generations. It doesn’t mean that every single person is doing that of course.

oh more ageist bollocks.

plus ca change and all that

Fair enough if that's your experience, but there is a certain irony when we live in an age that is totally obsessed with image, weight loss, cosmetic procedures and awash with horrendous bullying because of physical appearance. It's never been so bad. According to a recent survey 46% of teen girls and 26% of boys said social media as well as their real life peer group had negatively affected their mental well being over their "body image".

Same. I have definitely noticed my friends taking a similar approach. My mother was not like my grandmother, she’s in her 60s now and any comments about our weight she would always call out their behaviour and shut down immediately. However, I’ve seen her on a diet for pretty much all her life which was sad to see.

OP you are forgetting the rules of MNs, you can't criticise teachers, dog owners and particularly not older people. The average user is old so they will come for you!

Maybe OP just has an over critical family, and has pickup on this and has learnt to be too critical herself. My older relatives never made comments about people’s weight.

I think you have a point.

However, I am 66 and I don't comment on other people's weight.

I do hope you keep your ageist opinions to yourself at work.