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AIBU?

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Original poster

Brother has found parents’ wills

675 replies

ChorltonCreamery · 25/05/2025 16:58

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

.

OP posts:
InPraiseOfIdleness · 25/05/2025 18:59

treetopsgreen · 25/05/2025 18:49

@InPraiseOfIdleness absolutely but just look at the post after yours! It's so bizarre to me but my parents are immigrants (thank god) so maybe that's why 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know! What an horrendous way to behave. I can’t understand people like this.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 25/05/2025 19:00

It's so utterly shitty to skip over a child in your will. You'll be DEAD. Divide estate equally ffs.

Obeseandashamed · 25/05/2025 19:01

I actually think this is a really fair and sensible way of dealing with it. Your other brother should be thankful that his kids have been looked after in the will.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 25/05/2025 19:01

treetopsgreen · 25/05/2025 18:42

Who would want to cause division and potentially rip their family apart after their death?

I find it baffling so many posters are ok with it and the stock reply is "not your business" 😆

Because it’s not their business. The parents could disinherit the lot of them and in England they could take it to court and likely not win.

Cynic17 · 25/05/2025 19:01

OP, just tell your obnoxious brother that he shouldn't have read these Wills. Your parents can leave their money to whoever they like - I wouldn't blame them, after this nonsense, if they changed their Wills to leave the whole lot to charity.

godmum56 · 25/05/2025 19:01

LateForMyOwnFuneral · 25/05/2025 18:07

Shitshow in waiting.
That will is going to cause a rift.
If you and your sister are already LC/NC with your second brother, it won't affect you.
If not then expect that to be the outcome.
The fairest thing is a four-way split between all four children. Bypassing the fourth child is a fuck you from the grave.
Passing it directly to GC only works if all four of you have kids (and, tbh, the same amount of kids). Ask yourself, how you'd feel if any inheritance (and it's all pie in the sky atm) went to your kids not you.
This happened to my DH's mum.
DH inherited as did his cousins and the daughters were omitted. Except his stepfather got a share too for caring responsibilities making things unequal - his mum and his aunt did not speak for years.
My father was cut out of his mother's will deliberately. He and his brother/sister never spoke again as they knew of it/facilitated it (selling house and draining accounts).
Nobody is owed anything.
Life is easier if you expect nothing.
Stand on your own two feet.
But kudos to your brother OP for seeing the mess/fallout your parents will cause with this.
Anyone who has been privy to the dynamics of a golden child, black sheep rapport, had PIL difficulties or blended family politics knows what such a will will do.
So whilst your sister would rather not have known and resents having the info, not discussing this particular can of worms is ostriching/kicking the can down the road.
It may be there is no inheritance. Problem solved. It may be all is used in care home fees. Problem solved.
But life is easier when these things - powers of attorney, executors and trustees - are discussed in advance. It might not be the British way but it solves opening a can of worms later.

oh the rift has already happened......

InPraiseOfIdleness · 25/05/2025 19:01

treetopsgreen · 25/05/2025 18:59

Also there may be circumstances you don’t know about. Wills that look unfair can actually be fine the parents may have given brother significant life time gifts or he might be on benefits and asked the parents to skip him in favour of his children.

That's why discussion & transparency is helpful

Exactly.

What kind of person would disinherit one of their children and, even worse, not tell them when they wrote the will? How cowardly and what an awful way to behave to other family members who would have to deal with the fallout.

It’s amazing so many posters are defending this appalling behaviour from these parents.

treetopsgreen · 25/05/2025 19:02

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast I'm aware England is an outlier.

InPraiseOfIdleness · 25/05/2025 19:03

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 25/05/2025 19:01

Because it’s not their business. The parents could disinherit the lot of them and in England they could take it to court and likely not win.

Show quote history

As has been pointed out, English law is an anomaly on this matter. Regardless of the law, some people have some morality and actually care about their families.

What these parents are intending to do will have an awful impact on the relationships of all of their children, and likely their grandchildren also. You’d have to be a very spiteful and nasty person to want that to be your final act in this world.

treetopsgreen · 25/05/2025 19:04

It’s amazing so many posters are defending this appalling behaviour from these parents.

I think many are clearly comfortable with a sibling getting disinherited & having more for themselves. Hence the defending! 😆

ARichtGoodDram · 25/05/2025 19:04

YourAzureEagle · 25/05/2025 18:50

After they have died, if all you beneficiaries can decide what you want and is fair you can enact a deed of variation and modify the will to reflect your joint decision. So its really not set in stone.

As has been pointed out several times, that is completely incorrect when children are involved.

Children cannot sign a deed of variation, and no adult can sign one on their behalf.

treetopsgreen · 25/05/2025 19:05

OP, just tell your obnoxious brother that he shouldn't have read these Wills. Your parents can leave their money to whoever they like - I wouldn't blame them, after this nonsense, if they changed their Wills to leave the whole lot to charity.

I mean how does one's mind work if they read the OP and this is their take away! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Riaanna · 25/05/2025 19:05

AgnesX · 25/05/2025 17:13

It shouldn't be a secret anyway but is because your parents know they're being unfair. Leaving one child out because they don't see eye to eye with his wife is pretty unfair.

It’s not unfair. No one is entitled to anything. And in this case it’s actually quite smart.

ChateauMargaux · 25/05/2025 19:05

If, after your parents have died, you all agree that this is unfair, you can agree to a variation of the will... however I am not sure it will be possible for a minor to give up their share..

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 25/05/2025 19:07

i read this as the bother who found the will is brother 1 who will be getting 1/4, not the brother who’s share is going to his dcs- am I right?

if so, I think you should tell the other brother he’s not getting anything, but it’s passing to his dcs. He can decide if he wants to discuss it with his parents. But it’s not ok that the other 3 of you know he’s not getting anything and he has to find out after his parents are dead and can’t talk to them about their decision.

sundaybloodysunday12 · 25/05/2025 19:08

Sounds fine to me. What’s the problem?

sounds like your parents know what they are doing and are very organised.

leave them to it.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/05/2025 19:09

@ChorltonCreamery

I guess my thoughts about meeting together would be "What would Brother expect us to do about this?", "Has he told Brother 2?", and "What will be accomplished by confronting our parents about it?" if that's what you think he's going to suggest. On top of it, you don't know whether or not these will have been signed and filed, right? So it may be stirring up a hornet's nest for nothing.

My feeling is that your parents are entitled to leave their estate to whomever they choose to, no matter how unfair or unkind it may appear to others. If Brother wants to admit he read the will to your parents and have 'a discussion' with them about Brother 2 being bypassed, that's up to him. But TBH, I'd keep out of it.

Personally, if I were Brother, I would probably have told Brother 2 about it so he's 'forewarned' and kept the rest of the siblings out of it. After all, it's really between Brother 2 and your parents. And I suppose it's a possibility that Brother 2 already knows and has chosen not to share the information.

CTGManc · 25/05/2025 19:09

Lawyer here. This is a gross breach of trust I’m afraid. He had no right to read it and certainly no right to tell you about it however upset he is with what it says. You should have no part in the discussion, to protect your own position, and if he tries to put pressure on any of you and/or your parents (especially at this time!) to change it, potentially you’re looking at elder abuse/breach of his fiduciary duties as an appointed trustee. It’s a complex area of law but an appointment as a trustee is an onerous responsibility with legal duties and penalties for breach. The law exists for a reason. You need to be really careful with this.

InPraiseOfIdleness · 25/05/2025 19:09

ChateauMargaux · 25/05/2025 19:05

If, after your parents have died, you all agree that this is unfair, you can agree to a variation of the will... however I am not sure it will be possible for a minor to give up their share..

RTT

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 25/05/2025 19:10

InPraiseOfIdleness · 25/05/2025 19:03

As has been pointed out, English law is an anomaly on this matter. Regardless of the law, some people have some morality and actually care about their families.

What these parents are intending to do will have an awful impact on the relationships of all of their children, and likely their grandchildren also. You’d have to be a very spiteful and nasty person to want that to be your final act in this world.

Show quote history

I am not seeing why it would be a grenade. They are equally dividing what is left of their estate between four families. If every one of the children have children then to be fair the grandparents could pass their money onto the grandchildren of each family instead. Perhaps that’s the thing to do then everyone will feel it’s equal.

InPraiseOfIdleness · 25/05/2025 19:11

CTGManc · 25/05/2025 19:09

Lawyer here. This is a gross breach of trust I’m afraid. He had no right to read it and certainly no right to tell you about it however upset he is with what it says. You should have no part in the discussion, to protect your own position, and if he tries to put pressure on any of you and/or your parents (especially at this time!) to change it, potentially you’re looking at elder abuse/breach of his fiduciary duties as an appointed trustee. It’s a complex area of law but an appointment as a trustee is an onerous responsibility with legal duties and penalties for breach. The law exists for a reason. You need to be really careful with this.

It isn’t the son who is being disinherited who read the will or wants to discuss it, it is his brother.

The son they intend to disinherit is still in the dark about it. He’s not “putting pressure on” anyone: he doesn’t even know.

Valeriekat · 25/05/2025 19:12

myplace · 25/05/2025 17:04

So they’ve disinherited one of their 5DC, and allocated money for their existing grandchildren?

That’s all fine and dandy if no one has more dc, and may be open to being challenged by your disinherited brother.

there are 4 siblings!

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 25/05/2025 19:13

I honestly think some people are misreading the opening post.

FalseSpring · 25/05/2025 19:13

It is quite possible of course that Brother 2 is aware that his share will go to his DC. He may have requested it if he is in a difficult relationship.

I do wish people would RTFT or otherwise refrain from commenting! So many suggesting a deed a variation that is just not possible in this situation.

thestudio · 25/05/2025 19:14

I also think it's really really sad, but not intrinsically unfair.

I think they probably hope that all of you will eventually pass on your inheritance to your children if you have any, rather than pissing it away on cruises or whatever.

I can see why the combination of conflict with DB2 plus the possibility that they might divorce and the money go to her (I think I read that right) might make them think 'let's cut out the middleman' as it were.