Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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Indeed.

The trust can prevent the money being blown on such things. Depending on the terms of the trust, a beneficiary does not automatically have free rein to spend it as they like.

The brother may ‘need’ the money, but that doesn’t mean he’s entitled to it. It’s their money, to bequeath as they wish to.

Who would want to cause division and potentially rip their family apart after their death?

I find it baffling so many posters are ok with it and the stock reply is "not your business" 😆

His parents can do no wrong in his eyes

That's horrible, I'm sorry you have to live like that.

I agree. It’s illegal in most countries for good reason: using money as a weapon like that is abusive. People in the UK have very strange ideas about this and seem to think it’s fine for parents to continue deliberately causing family strife after their death (let’s face it: normal, loving parents would never even consider doing something like the OP has described!). It’s an anomaly in law that it’s permitted here still to do this but no decent person actually would.

Because if it isn’t their money it really isn’t their business. Whether they like it or not is irrelevant.

In fairness, I do agree that the parents are out of order for listing them as trustees without their consent but all they need to do is tell them no, they don't agree to be trustees.

That means the brother admitting to having read it, though.

Who would want to cause division and potentially rip their family apart after their death?

Why would you blame your sibling(s) for your parent(s) decision?

@InPraiseOfIdleness absolutely but just look at the post after yours! It's so bizarre to me but my parents are immigrants (thank god) so maybe that's why 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s bizarre! Any decent person would be having these discussions with adult children long before writing a will, long before getting old. Most people’s priority is to make sure all family members are well provided for and their death causes as little trauma as possible. Why anybody would do something so vindictive that will obviously destroy family relationships - and not even communicate it to anybody in advance and leave others to deal with the fallout of their final act of spite! - is beyond me.

There are some very unpleasant and dishonest people in the world.

What is going to be discussed at this meeting? It's up to the parents to decide what to put in their Wills.
However I do think the parents should have made it clear to all the children, including the disinherited one, what they were doing, so that any arguments can be had prior to their deaths and there are no surprises. Also they should not make someone a trustee without asking them.
I also assume that this takes place after the second parent dies because presumably the first to die would leave everything to their spouse.
I have disinherited one of my children in my Will and left their share in trust for their children until the children are 30. The difference is that I have informed all my children of this and have appointed another relative who is not a beneficiary as trustee.

After they have died, if all you beneficiaries can decide what you want and is fair you can enact a deed of variation and modify the will to reflect your joint decision. So its really not set in stone.

Because if it isn’t their money it really isn’t their business. Whether they like it or not is irrelevant.

@InterIgnis we will just have to agree to disagree, I wasn't raised like this and my parents and siblings are close and discuss things openly. You obviously had a very different upbringing.

Not on behalf of their children they can’t. Nor can they simply change the terms of a trust.

There are some very unpleasant and dishonest people in the world.

It's very sad but you can see why so many families have estrangement issues.

I really feel for your poor brother who will feel absolutely devastated to learn that he has been written out of the will. I wouldn’t let on to the parents but would see them in a very different light from now on. They have prioritised where they don’t want their money to go to once they’re dead (and won’t care!) over the feelings of their child. They should have cut it four ways and what happens to your brother’s share is his own business.
As it stands I would be suggesting to the others that you combine your three’s share and split it four ways. At least your brother will know that even if his parents didn't love him equally, at least his siblings do.

Also there may be circumstances you don’t know about. Wills that look unfair can actually be fine the parents may have given brother significant life time gifts or he might be on benefits and asked the parents to skip him in favour of his children.

On the contrary, my parents spoke and speak openly about financial matters with my brother and I. I do however recognize that this was and is their decision to make rather than something I was and am entitled to.

The will appalling.

Because they have made a decision with no discussions with 3 of the 4 siblings that will put them in a very stressful situation after their death with no discussions or agreement that you want to be trustees.

They haven't considered the impact this may have on your 4 relationship following their death. Clearly they don't care.

They don't even have enough respect for him to discuss it with him, but are happy to allow their final act as a parent to be an absolute kick in the teeth to him in comparison to you three.

Yeah your parents have absolutely fucked you and your siblings over in a cowardly vile way.

Having seen the absolute horror that wills and inheritance have caused in our family if our parents were ever this petty we would split our inheritance to give money to the excluded sibling.

Of course not! But these parents have deliberately made a will that creates an insoluble problem (legally, in terms of them agreeing a sensible redistribution themselves when their parents die) that treats both the children and grandchildren unequally and will, therefore, be highly likely to create immense tension (at best) between their children and grandchildren. And it doesn’t even protect the inherited assets from divorces and remarriages, anyway because this could happen in the other children’s cases after the parents die! So it is a) stupid; b) unfair to all children and grandchildren; and c) immensely selfish because it will cause a huge amount of unnecessary stress for many family members.

We don't know what the drama is with the brother who has been skipped though. If it's around money and there are issues around debt/gambling/MH - anything like that then this might be a perfectly sensible solution.

The other siblings who are asked to be trustees should absolutely know about it before hand though.

We have a similar sort of situation in my family where my Dbro has a child with serious mental health issues, sometimes sectioned, sometimes fine. When he's quite ill he is totally vulnerable to scammers, e.g. believing he was in an online relationship with Taylor Swift and he had to prove his love for her by sending her money in the form of Apple gift cards. Any inheritance would be gone in weeks.

Bro has split his estate between his DC but the money for the ill DC goes into a trust administered by the others. The other DC know this though and have agreed to it - because the reality is that once the inheritance was spent their brother would be turning to them for help in paying the bills.

I wouldn’t do anything, it’s up to your parents how they divide their money

they have divided the estate equally between 4, they just don’t want your brother to have the funds that will the be ashes with his wife and her children, thus diluting their blood grandchildren and they are entitled to that view

if you and your siblings were to divorce, remarry and they are alive the likelihood is the6 wil” d9 the same, missing you out and it goes to your children

@InterIgnis so you would not have batted an eyelid upon the death of your parents to find everything had gone to your sibling without you knowing? You wouldn't have had any questions? any doubts, etc. It would just be a case of "fair enough, it their money".

What's the drama? Children can be treated poorly in blended families and the GPs may wish to protect their grandchildren if they are being treated worse than their stepsiblings.

Also there may be circumstances you don’t know about. Wills that look unfair can actually be fine the parents may have given brother significant life time gifts or he might be on benefits and asked the parents to skip him in favour of his children.

That's why discussion & transparency is helpful