Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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So what's the problem? They aren't dead yet and this isn't your decision to make.

Nearly everyone would like to help their children and grandchildren.

There has been drama with the brother's wife and stepchildren. Perhaps, the best way this couple can help their son and his children is to give the inheritance directly to the grandchildren.

It's difficult to say without knowing more about the situation.

Tbh, I don’t understand all the secrecy over wills. I regard my money as family money and my children know it will be split equally between them. If I had cause to want to vary this, for example of one won the lottery, I would have a conversation with the beneficiaries and explain my decision-precisely to avoid all the drama and resentment and to reassure them of my love. I’d also take their views into consideration. Maybe if I didn’t like my kids, I’d do differently but I like their morals and values. Leaving out one because you don’t like their partner seems controlling and spiteful-unless they are in an abusive relationship.

They have set up a testamentary trust, the money is looked after by the Trustees, for a specified period, usually 18 or 21.
Who do you think would be the Trustees of the type of trust you’re suggesting?
It would usually be the other children to avoid costly fees if professionals were nominated.

"I guess there is now an opportunity to have those difficult conversations with your parents now whilst they are alive so they can explain themselves hopefully."

"Your parents are effectively taking his inheritance decisions out of his hands and forcing that their money goes only to their grandkids."

Er, what - are you serious? Of all the entitled tosh I've read on inheritance threads on MN, this one takes the biscuit. OP's parents don't have to "explain themselves" to anyone because it's their money to leave to whomever they choose. And they're not "taking his inheritance decisions out of his hands" - he can leave his money, when the time comes, to whomever he likes. This is their money and they can choose their own beneficiaries without any reference to anyone else.

Your parents may have had some dealings or fall out with sister in law without you and your siblings knowing about it and have made a decision based on this.I would leave things as they are.

The minimal fees for solicitors to administer the trust objectively are far, far less than the legal fees involved in the disagreements that arise regularly when family members with vested interests or personal grievances/ disputes are nominated to do so. It’s an extremely unfair burden to put on the other children, particularly in a situation where a) they haven’t been consulted about this, and b) they will all be receiving their inheritance directly, not via a trust, which is highly likely to destroy the relationship with the disinherited brother and his children and therefore make objective and fair performance of their role as trustees extremely difficult.

It’s a ridiculous, selfish, and extremely unfair plan that will cause immense upset and stress to all of their four children and likely sew discord amongst their grandchildren also. It isn’t what anybody sensible would choose to do if they’d thought about the impact on their family members and sought proper tax and legal advice (for a few hundred pounds… ) which could achieve their aim without any of the negative affects listed above.

A decent person would consider the impact of their decisions on the rest of their family.

I get the impression SILs children have been difficult -who knows what -drugs? Criminality? This is the parents decision and should be accepted.

Your DS is right to be annoyed with DB1.
He shouldn't have read it, or kept his nosiness to himself.

The three of you arranging meeting to discuss someone else's will is not great either.

Your parents may well change the will if confronted as it's not only disrespectful, but questions their choices.

My parents know stuff about me, that my siblings don't. It's not always black & white, so you have no right to question their decision.

How about this: your parents can do whatever they want with their hard earned money and assets and we leave it at that? They are free to leave it all to a Cat charity. Leave your parents alone and wish them to live until they are 120

Minimal fees 🤣
I agree it would have been wise to consult the potential Trustees.
In my experience a family trust would end up with the three siblings agreeing to access their portions immediately post second death and the grandchildren’s portion being managed in the same way as the Will appears to have been set up.
I frequently remind clients that it is their estate to apportion, the views of anyone else including their children is immaterial.

A decent person wouldn’t have read the will.

The brother who read the will clearly isn’t the sharpest tool in the box. Yes, he should never have read it, but telling you and your sister demonstrates pure selfishness and a lack of sense. The more people that know he read the will, the more likely it is the controlling shitbag parents will find out and disinherit him, and maybe the OP if she sides with the brother who reads the will, or the brother who’s been disinherited. It’s a terrible situation. I think the best thing, OP, is not to get further involved and not to meet up for the chat about it.

Did you read OP's opening post? Leaving the other son's 1/4 to his children in a trust is exactly what they've done.

I hope that the Will he saw was a copy and that the original is stores securely by a third party to avoid it disappearing.

“Controlling shitbag parents”, for leaving a quarter of their estate to their own grandchildren!

Whatever next?

It stops the loss of family assets to the two SDC they want to make sure get nothing of theirs. They 'd be better setting up a family trust with named beneficiaries.

Actually the full (rather than partial) quote is "I guess there is now an opportunity to have those difficult conversations with your parents now whilst they are alive so they can explain themselves hopefully. Yes its their money and their decision but some explainations may be helpful to understand why they have decided this and what the concerns are."

And yes I am being serious - I have seen the damage done and families torn apart by inheritance decisions that are not understood by the surviving family, but the person is no longer alive to explain the reasons. Hence why I am suggesting this. As the will has already been read and the siblings are already concerned enough to have a meeting then the family difficulties have already started. Better to try and have those difficult conversations to understand now rather than wait until down the line when it is too late to have them and then can land up in a messy legal battle in which no relationships are left intact.

Re "he can leave his money, when the time comes, to whomever he likes. This is their money and they can choose their own beneficiaries without any reference to anyone else." Yes of course he can re his own money, but I am not referring to his own money I am referring to the parents estate of which their will decision mean the quarter is bypassing their 4th adult child to go to grandkids, yet not the other siblings.

It is those who are left behind that end up dealing with the fallout of the decisions of those making the will. Having seen this implode twice and hugely impacting family relationships negatively, I believe that the decisions should be discussed before the person dies - as it can prevent a lot of heart ache stress and legal bills later. Unless you have seen it happen you probably don't have the understanding. Thats ok. I hope you never do witness it or worse end up involved with it.

It may just be that they see your brother as being financially secure enough.

That s true, fair enough x

I have read the OP, @AngelicKaty.

You have clearly misread my post.

Well, according to OP's opening post, they have. OP believes the parents don't want their other son's 1/4 share to benefit his wife or her children, so they've left it in trust to his children (their blood grand-children) - as is their right to do so as it's their money. I'm guessing the reason they've made OP and her other two siblings the trustees is because they fear if they made their son who is the father of the beneficiary grand-children the trustee, then his wife could bring undue influence on any decisions he might make about the money held in trust. In any case, this son would have no reason to be annoyed with his three siblings since none of this is within their control.

Which makes them both diligent and decent. They don’t want the SIL for whatever reason, to have access to the money ahead of their GC.

Of course they must be PILs from hell because they’re on the male side, according to a lot of MN posters, but it may well be they’ve seen DIL in action and decided to protect the inheritance for the GC.

All their decision.

I totally agree with you. The fact is both parents are alive and he read both of their wills (of which there would be two separate wills), which makes him a nosy and a nasty person who has invaded his parents' privacy to see what he would gain, pure greed!